Run 1872, 18 July, Tai Mo Shan

The Shame

champagne

The shame was not that France won the World Cup, nor that the French GM was demoniacal in his gloating, nor even that his celebratory two bottles of Nicolas Feuillatte Brut Reserve (creme de cassis, lemon curd and pastry riding a creamy mousse and framed by a crisp, well-knit acidity) were trumped by Back To The Future’s three bottles of Marquis de Rothberg Chardonnay Ice Demi-Sec (fruity with notes of vanilla, smoke and hints of sweet spices). No, the shame lay in the distasteful and grossly unedifying spectacle of hashers begging for down-downs like performing seals or craven cringing dogs. Anything, anything, to get another glass of bubbly. It made you do a little bit of sick in your mouth. Which you then had to wash out with champagne.

But what of Serbian Bomber’s run after the thunderstorms of the past few days? Let One Eyed Jack tell the tale…

Loneliness of an FRB (Alleged)

Well after reaching the pagoda near the car park, we (that is Gerriatric and OEJ) decided to have a look around for the hare. Eventually this apparition of a big drip of Sauvignon appeared closely followed by his SP, Back To The Future. During our preliminary chatter, the hare spun a lot of BS about his trail markings and how good they were. There was then a brief spell of wind and a rain shower at about 7:15. So at 7:20 the gathered pack decided that it was getting cold and that they should commence on the run, albeit by walking!

So off we went, down to the first check, left, on to the second, right, the third, straight, the fourth, left, and on to a wimp/rambo split. Gerriatric went up the steps on the wimp trail and OEJ set off down the pig trail. The shiggy was not too bad, but the freshly watered ground was like an ice skating rink on the side of a hill. The markings had suffered from the rain, not much sign of chalk (obviously), flour was a little better, but very small heaps as if they had been placed with a teaspoon. The toilet paper had the appearance of white streaky, elongated, dripping slime – if it was still hanging where placed – or was seen as a white puddle or blob on the ground. I think the hare had only used two-ply rather than the rather more luxurious and desirable three- or four-ply. Not easy to follow! After numerous more checks, a river crossing and then the descent we began to take head up towards Tai Mo Shan Road. Almost all of the trail thus far had been bushwacking – no path to speak of. It was at this point I heard Eunuch’s shouts of traaaail. So being such I kind hearted front runner, I started marking the trail with green noticeable leaves. Eunuch announced later that he didn’t see them, probably because he wasn’t wearing his colour blind vision-correction glasses. The GM confirmed that he had seen the marks. So at least I wasn’t telling porkies. Speaking of such, nearing the top of the trail a large wild boar was disturbed, which I tried to encourage to run down the trail towards the chasing pack. I believe it came close. Onto the road and up hill, right, then eventually left and back down the Maclehose, passing one cow sheltering from the rain and then KY doing her own thing. First rambo back, not too bad an achievement considering I had to solve every check.

The hare was complaining of a snake bite, didn’t know what type, Golden Balls commented that the snake died afterwards, even though there was no actual poison effect on the hare’s leg, just two small beads of blood that could have been caused by a branch.

The circle was extremely lively, with the GM doling out champagne (kindly donated by himself and Back to The Future) for down downs, at the rate of half a bottle per hasher. All on account of France’s World Cup win. These eventually proved to be too much for BTTF, who fell asleep in the pagoda and then insisted on sleeping for an hour in her car. When she woke up the police had set a road block on Route Twisk so she had to go back to the car park and wait until they’d packed up.  – One Eyed Jack

Excellent shiggy and a well marked trail given the conditions. Great circle.

Hares: Serbian Bomber, Back To The Future

Runners: Liberace, Eunuch, Geriatric, Creme Brulee, Radio 1, One Eyed Jack, Golden Balls, Golden Jelly

Non-runner: Dingaling

Run 1870, 4 July, Shek Mun

How to Set a Run

  1. Leave your recce until the day of the run
  2. Make sure you choose an area where you totally failed to find a route last year
  3. Choose a very hot day
  4. Start at 4.30, giving yourself only 2.5 hours of decent light
  5. Forget your torch
  6. Forget your water
  7. Get hopelessly lost in dense shiggy with no water or torch as night falls
  8. Get a gps trace of your recce that looks like this:

WhatsApp Image 2018-07-07 at 17.16.35Eventually get to the start at 8pm, frazzled, exhausted, and WITH A TRAIL!

Take a bow, Radio 1 and co-hare Golden Jelly!

And what of the run itself? The rambo trail went from the start at On King Street waterfront park past Sha Tin Hospital and up A Kung Kok Road, then into the shiggy below Breakthrough Youth Village. A yomp through tracks made by hares down to Mui Tsz Lam Road and back along the waterfront. Wimps did a similar loop but cut out the shiggy. First back was Eunuch in about an hour, although GB had already returned from the wimp trail, on which he’d set off last, did not pass anybody, and finished first…very suspicious. Visitor Sophie (?) from Kobe was one of the lost wimps, a kindergarten classmate of Catch Of The Day, who made her first appearance since surgery, while Velcro Lips attended armed with the latest hash T-shirt referencing our new French heritage, a T-shirt subsequently seen on the backs of GM and RA Creme Brulee and Golden Balls for the France vs Uruguay World Cup game the following Saturday. The sight and sound of Liberace trying to pronounce “merdouillette” was quite something.

Hares: Radio 1, Golden Jelly

Runners: Eunuch, Liberace, Creme Brulee, Serbian Bomber, One Eyed Jack, Back To The Future, Geriatric, Gunpowder Plod, Golden Balls, Art, Sophie, more?

Non-runners: Velcro Lips, Catch Of The Day

Run 1868, 20 June, Tai Po Kau Forest

A Rump Through Paths Well Worn

OOOF!

Perhaps it was the mist in the air or the water on the ground but as I wandered over to the pagoda lying at the foot of the Tai Po Kau nature reserve it finally dawned on me that it was a bit wet and indeed had been raining. Information that will later be relevant but also the reason I had chosen not to come on the previous two runs.
Eunuch and (name forgotten), having arrived early, decided that the best use of their time was a reccie of the trail, ran off to where no prying eyes could reach them. The pack slowly gathered, readying themselves for a battle with the flying bastards (mosquitoes) and flora of the trail. The early arrivals returned from their rendezvous up the trail.
Arrival of the GM and with his call of what time is it? (7:25) beckoned the back over to the hare for a thorough briefing: The original trail set had been washed out and just as fast the hare set trail anew. Watch out for these arrows that have been crossed out, they were set by a group of hikers, and follow the flour that looks like its been shat out by a diarrhoetic boar.
And with that, off we went up the hill into the deep and dark forests of Tai Po, with the first check within spitting distance of the start. Half the pack decided to continue up the road, the other half trying their luck up the stairs along Tai Po Kau nature trail only to find the road was the right path. At this point I can only assume another group decided they had been defeated by the stairs and turned back to the start, as I sure as hell didn’t see them after that point.
Following the road we eventually found ourselves along the Blue walk, another check solved put the rambos along the Blue walk again, with the wimps at the other side of said Tai Po Kau Nature trail. It was at this point it quickly became apparent that only the brave or stupid (or hashers) would attempt to run along the stone paths that the hare had neglected to mention he poured several litres of dish soap onto. The FRBs being very much the latter took off and left the rest of the pack behind.
As myself and One Eyed Jack walked with gusto along the blue trail, we were caught up by Radio 1 and Back To The Future. Passing a stream it was noted by R1 and BTTF that if we turned off our torches we would be able to see the fireflies that the area is renowned for, indeed they were a wonder. Not one to look a gift horse in the mouth One Eyed Jack quickly sped up until he was out of sight so he could shortcut in private and give himself an air of plausible deniability.
After following the river for another km, stopping at every stream crossing to ooo and aaa at the fireflies’ lights, we reached a warning advising us the path was not well kept and a danger to all but the most experienced of hikers. We ignored this in the following of the floured path that marked where we were wont to go. As we started this climb we came across Serbian Bomber, who promptly joined our trio. Upon reaching the top and finding a solved check we continued down to the left, eventually passing the half way mark. Realising that there probably wasn’t much uphill left, Radio 1 surged ahead. Upon noting this, Serbian Bomber likewise raced ahead.
‘Enjoying’ the long, long downhill section, we were caught up by our intrepid GM, who had crashed earlier in the run trying to murder his surrounding countrymen (two casualties with a single small green fatality). At this point I decided to throw caution to the wind and charge down the hill. This ended as you would have expected as I found myself flying through the air and landing on my back and knocking the air out of my lungs. With assistance from the GM, I limped the 200 metres back in to the start point and finishing the run in a gentlemanly hour and a half.
A fair turnout of 18 or so hashers completed the circle, which was notable for a renaming as RA Golden Balls accused Serbian Bomber of telling a porky about him doing a 3km shortcut on Run 1866. His full name was already impossible to remember, but now it’s even more so: Serbian Spammer Bomber Baron Diver Von Porky Mooseheime.
With thanks to the hare for a delightful run.  – Qutie
Hare: Dram
Runners: Eunuch, One Eyed Jack, Radio 1, Back To The Future, Golden Jelly, Creme Brulee, Qutie, Serbian Bomber
Non-runner: Golden Balls

Runs 1867-69, 13-20-27 June

Kings of June

Since that Saturday run of the 2nd of June and its scorching heat, the RA has done a great job in keeping the runs under water and subsequently refilling his own well. How many households in Hong Kong are relying on natural well water for their domestic and gardening needs?

First was Stingray (Run 1867), who had to redo his markings in a last minute effort up above Ma On Shan on the day the sky started to break down after a long dry spell. The few braves who went for it had only good things to say about the run. Some say there was a short cut that kept them 2 more kilometres in deep doo doo, up shit creek if you prefer. Some other said it was only one km. Guess whom.

The next week was Liberace. On that day, average rainfall on HK territory was 109mm – a month record. He too had to redo his markings. Starting from a tyre-killer car park (Eunuch got a bolt through his tyre) at the shit end of Yuen Long Industrial Estate, with a spark in the eye Liberace briefed us: fairly flat , no shiggy, R-W split , chalk, flour and toilet paper after running out of flour.

Off we went and quickly reached a flight of stairs up the mini hill backing I Shing temple, barely overlooking the surrounding concrete mastodons. Easy stuff. At the top, no more concrete trail, we had to dive into a bamboo groove, dripping 100mm of water all over our back. Quickly the crouching position is the only way to go. Some also level the ground with their bottom to move forward under intricate bamboo, bushes, creepers and other snakes.

The marking is excellent, all made of flour, and leading us left right right left right left down all the way to a fence that prevented us slipping down a filthy nullah. Got to go along the fence, no visible path , just patches of flour among creepers that hold your stomach, your neck, your ankles. Among elephant grass that cut your hand , forearms and cheeks. (And poison sumac that blisters you a couple of days later – ed.) We haven’t got to the R-W split but this is far more than Rambo . It is not about killing others, it is about fighting for your own survival. This is Predator trail! Just take a look at GB’s T-shirt! It was brand new at the start!!!

The gate out of all this mad hell is a 20m long canyon of 18ft high bamboos, ready to go scaffolding. It is all intimidating before returning to the concrete light and grey atmosphere of industrial estate. As Mango put it: The rambo / wimp split was at the junction after about half a kilometre from the dense shiggy. The rambo trail took us left further along the main road and then along a nullah. On the other side of the nullah was an interesting looking hillside but alas trail went right, behind the KMB parking spaces and straight on to another check. It wasn’t long before we arrived at yet another lorry park with a dead end. Dead end yes but for Libs this was fun as he marked paper trail through some shiggy, just for a laugh. Once out of the final shiggy we ran along, sighting an on home along the waterfront. Another kilometre or so and we were back at the car park.

Hare: Liberace

Runners: Gaelle Says No, Eunuch, One Eyed Jack, Mango Groove, Serbian Bomber, Golden Jelly, Radio 1, Golden Balls, Creme Brulee, Dingaling, Dram, Geriatric

The 20th of June (Run 1868) is dry all over Hong Kong, bar one spot: Tai Po Kau Forest. Which is where hare Dram chose for his run. The trail is a bucolic wander through the jungle, with the constant noise of water gushing through rocks. Difficult to keep the balance in those conditions and crashes are inevitable. QT performs best of all. Read his report here.

June 27 (Run 1869) is a Golden Affair: Gelly the Hare Raiser got herself to set the run but, lacking time, Balls would craft it for her. It was suppose to be at Tai Lam Chung. But on the morning of the run, Balls had to go into hospital.

There is a hare position to grab and Liberace takes it with only few hours left. The fate is achieved with the help of Gunpowder Plod, starting from King’s Belly. But on another dry and baking day, Tai Po got drenched again.

I’m late and skip the first loop above KB to reach quickly the bottom of Shan Tong Road. The trail shortcuts through the wood to land near the entrance to Paragon. Back to Shan Tong Road the trail passes the playground on the roadside and takes a sharp left to start the climb through the wood. A welcomed short cut to avoid the lengthy Shan Tong up swoops.

But What a climb! Liberace claims during the circle that it was a proper trail. Dude! in the dark, with mud crawling down, dead trees and creepers blocking the way, it wasn’t bucolic. Even the hoover boys (Gaëlle Says No and Eunuch) struggled with it.
No matter the twist the trail is taking, the full moon is just right up there, bright and beautiful, shattering the last remains of clouds, seemingly under our grasp. But she’s still 384,000km away from us. And the elevation above Shan Tong Road barely reaches 240m… Oh well , next time…. this puny quarter km was good enough. Time to go home. The well is full now, get well GB, King of Rain. Thanks Liberace for those two memorable runs in a fortnight, King of Shiggy.  – Creme Brulee

Hares: Liberace, Gunpowder Plod

Runners: Gaelle Says No, Eunuch, Creme Brulee, Dingaling, Dram, Geriatric, Liberace, Luk Sup Gow, Mango Groove, One Eyed Jack, Penile Dementia, Serbian Bomber, Antiseptic, Back To The Future, Beer Tits, Radio 1, T-Bird

Run 1866, 6 June, Ma On Shan

Rain Stops Play (almost)

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Thunderstorms raged prior to Stingray’s run high on Ma On Shan, and the excuses started trickling in. “Can we change the run site?” pleaded Velcro Lips. “Can’t make the run,” said Mango. “Can’t make it either,” echoed QT. “Won’t be able to come – stupid flu,” claimed the GM. “I’m at Science Park – really heavy rain,” simpered Serbian Bomber, while Gaelle Says No countered with “How about the top of Tai Mo Shan? Bet it’s nice up there.”

Thus it was against such a backdrop of craven copping out that the hard core – the really hard core – group of hashers gathered at the barbecue pits of Ma On Shan Tsuen. The RA had done a first class job of stopping the rain. The hare was back, talking about flour, rice and paper, and two stones being an on on, and he couldn’t vouch for anything still being there. Seven hashers set off towards the forbidding ridge to the south, the leaden louring sky.

And immediately got caught out by a hidden check leading to a cheeky path off the road, except Eunuch and Liberace in front, who saw it, solved it, but didn’t bother calling. Pack split already. After five minutes of fruitless toing and froing over the bridge, along the river, the rest of us found trail back just before the bridge. This led to a nice shiggyish section through trees and grass, passing the 240m mine adit, where security bars and construction materials were stashed in what looked like a plan to seal off the mine. If that’s the case, it’s the end of mine hashing.

Trail climbed steeply up from the adit to a road, going past the pagoda where Plod set his epic Saturday run last year, to another shiggy section ending in a chain link fence that we followed to another road, where Geriatric called it a day. By now we’d been out about half an hour. The two front runners were over the hills and far away. One Eyed Jack had done one of his mysterious disappearing acts and Serbian Bomber was within calling distance of Golden Balls and Golden Jelly bringing up the rear.

That all changed after Ma On Shan Tsuen, when we hit The Wall. For those who have never seen it, this is a long (1km?) wall above a ditch that 10 years ago was still runnable but is now a bit of an obstacle course, despite Stingray’s claims to have cut back the worst of the overgrowth. Some sections required you to drop down into the ditch for a stretch and pick your way through the trees before clambering back to the top of the wall. It was great fun, but by the time Golden Jelly and the absurdly uncoordinated Golden Balls emerged onto a mountain trail in open hill country , Serbian Bomber was out of earshot.

There’d been sporadic showers during the run, but now the heavens opened with a vengeance. Ten minutes later the two backmarkers could detect no trail and had no idea where they were. This was because they’d missed a turning and were now climbing again, but assumed trail had been washed out. At the top of a hill they suddenly heard Serbian Bomber calling directly below them – but there was no path straight down, only one leading along the ridge to the north. Following this, they eventually relocated trail, which led out to a road, the road leading up to the barbecue pits and home. Or so they thought.

In fact they were above the barbecue pits. The hare had put no marking at the junction so as not to confuse hashers heading out, but GB and GJ in their wisdom carried gaily – or rather, ploddingly – on upwards away from home, until they reached the pagoda where Plod set his epic Saturday run…by the time they got back to the start it was, shall we say, late.

Golden Jelly: “When the the rain started, we found no trace of trial, only a piece of chalk, we believed the rain washed the flour, rice, paper and even the stone away, end up at the top of a hill, 1 extra km!” To which the rabidly shrill Serbian retorted: “It wasn’t 1 extra km but a 3km shortcut. They came down the north-west side of the hill instead of crossing the hill, going down the south-east side, climbing a spur then descending diagonally down the north-west side!” When asked to prove this (he’s the only NNT hasher that runs with a poncy gps), the telling part of his gps trace had “disappeared” and in its place, a straight line…this was to have ramifications…SB gps

The normal circle chaos ensued and we all went home happy. The last word goes to the hare, responding to the GM’s enquiry about the run: “GM sir. Ne worry yourself pas. Je boire an down down por vous. Je suis maintenant un muchos grande homme francais. Last nuit cest Waterloo all over again. Le englais look forward pour le world cuppa finale contre la france dans prussia. Bon chance.”  – Cock of the South

Hare: Stingray

Runners: Eunuch, Liberace, One Eyed Jack, Serbian Bomber, Golden Balls, Golden Jelly, Geriatric, Penile Dementia, Gunpowder Plod

Run 1865, 2 June, Sai Kung: The Saturday Run No. 19

Watery End

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The cooling sea was the main feature of this run at the tail-end of the hot spell – everybody jumped in off Geriatric’s private waterfront promenade after a shady jaunt up into the Sai Kung hills. Here are a few impressions.

Golden Balls: I started off walking behind Gunpowder Plod and Dram, who went straight along the road towards Pak Tam Chung when we came to a check. I followed them, but behind me Hoover, Golden Jelly, Back To The Future and T-Bird claimed that the check was marked up into the shiggy. Bewildered, I called “Are you?” after the two gents, who simply marched on, shoulders hunched resolutely. I thought I caught a faint echo of what sounded like “we’re going to snort butt”… I threw my lot in with the ladies. But they had disappeared into the shiggy. After some wooded trail I reached the next check alone, with no obvious direction marked, so I opted for the uphill. T! Back down, eventually catching up with and passing the ladies, then the butt snorters. Nice trail apart from the one mile return along the road.

Mango Groove: The rambos took us upwards, a few steps, a little bit flat and then up again. Now on any “normal” day this would have been a simple easy bit of trail, but in 30-degrees-plus heat with the afternoon sun cooking our brains things were already getting tough. Liberace and Eunuch kept calling keeping Stunt Double, BJ, Mango and One Eyed Jack informed of where trail was going. Halfway along the rambos the trail took us down before going straight and onto a check back with real trail leading left. The trail kept going up until finally the long descent down back onto Pak Tam Chung road and on home.

Stunt Double: The run was mostly on nice trails from Pak Tam Chung under shade until we came to the top of a ridge exposing us to the sun, must have been 40 degrees, and then down a trail with fantastic vista of Sai Kung’s sea and islands in the distance. Here’s the run from my watch:

WhatsApp Image 2018-06-03 at 22.44.38

Notable thing was Liberace running back from a check like a scared cat saying it couldn’t be this way because there were a thousand spider webs, but after checking other ways, trail was where he had come. I was running mostly on my own so not sure anything else that happened or it was the case of the beers after the run 😬

Back To The Future: I was so excited when I was driving to the run because I had never been to Tai Mong Tsai for hiking. Each time I take my car, I drive as carefully as I can, but this time I did kill two birds with one stone of a big big mistake. In the future, absolutely, I will not allow the same situation to replay.

When I arrived at Sai Kung I saw one man standing at the bus stop, then I got out of my car to ask him the direction to Tai Mong Tsai. At the same time, I forgot to turn off my car and hit someone’s car. The driver said: “That is your fault. If you compensate me for my car I will not call the police.” I did not have much choice, because I even forgot to bring my driving licence.

Ouch!

Sausage fest followed. Thanks to Geriatric and his SP SSP for a great afternoon!

Hares: Geriatric, South Side Pushover

Runners: Dram, Stunt Double, Golden Jelly, Hoover, Radio 1, See No Weevil, Eunuch, T Bird, One Eyed Jack, Liberace, Creme Brulee, Gunpowder Plod, Back To The Future, Mango Groove, Dingaling, Golden Balls, Luk Sup Gow, Beer Tits, Phil, BJ

Non-runners: Electrolux, Catch Of The Day, Overdue, June The Suckond (?)

Run 1864, 30 May, Tai Po Market

Night of the Cryptic CBs

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One more steamy hot sweaty evening run in the tropics!

One of the longest hot weather spells in Hong Kong’s history, 12 days approx so far.

I am sure that is why CB delayed the start (Kong Fuk Bridge Garden) until 8pm for the reason that GJ was bringing ice for the beer and had got lost in Tai Po before the start. She stated that she kept gravitating towards the KB.

The trail was called by the hare TD who had just arrived and prevented the pack from short cutting to the first on-on with G’s and DR’s insiders information. The trail basically went upstream to Kam Shek New Village and then up to Lin Au past the noisy dog rescue kennels. E and GSN had decided to jog the uphill section.

Reached a split:

Left: met with a CB on the Wilson Trail.

Right: met with a T.

CB back over to some graves: nothing.

Back further down the road, E and SS (Shit Sniffer or Anal Corpse Shagger or Rub N Tug or See Faat Kwai (Arsehole) or Eddie Darling or Mango) for those unfamiliar with this name) found trail by the Water Supplies Dept fence. So on down we went to eventually find another CB with an arrow crossed out right next to it. E then disappeared and did his own thing, followed by OEJ, Cutie and SS, then by R1 and GJ. They followed some walkers tapes down a lovely bamboo trail until hitting the contour path above the highway. OEJ went left (shorter route) and SS with Cutie went right.

CB and VL followed the crossed out trail for some distance before giving up and heading back up to the road.

Whilst all this was going on, GSN decided to do his own run and ran though the CB and found trail???  And then followed it on down and home.

He was followed by SB and BTTF.

DR and G turned back on the road and returned to the bucket.

Red lantern awards went to CB and VL.

Shit Sniffer was renamed and anointed with some holy water from the ice bucket ( nice and coooool) hahahahaha LOL. What his new name is, I have forgotten, he has so many! Most of the pack were awarded down-downs’s with TD getting a bucket full on behalf of her co-hare M. She must use her teaching skills to exert more control over his errant ways.  – One Eyed Jack

Hares: Tangerine Dream, Moonie

Runners: Creme Brulee, Golden Jelly, Geriatric, Dram, Eunuch, Gaelle Says No, Mango Groove, One Eyed Jack, QT,  Radio 1, Velcro Lips, Serbian Bomber, Back To The Future

Non-runners: Beer Tits, Luk Sup Gow, T Bird

Click on images to enlarge