The Sisyphus Run

 

Sisyphus is this Greek dude, not a yogurt but king of Ephyrae, when Zeus and his assembly of gods and goddesses were ruling the world and everything walking, crawling on its surface. Being a king, Sisyphus started to think very highly about himself , like as equal of the gods and in doing so he triggered their wrath. They punished him for the eternity at pushing a huge boulder up the hill and once at the top, the boulder would roll over, all the way down the hill and Sisyphus has to start again and again and again for the eternity. Some believe he’s still doing it on Mars….
In 1942, Albert Camus took Sisyphus myth to establish his philosophy of the absurd, describing man’s futile search for meaning, unity, and clarity in the face of an unintelligible world devoid of God and eternal truths or values. Does the realization of the absurd require suicide? Camus answers, “No. It requires revolt.” He then outlines several approaches to the absurd life. The final chapter compares the absurdity of man’s life with the situation of Sisyphus and his meaningless task repeated indefinitely. The essay concludes, “The struggle itself is enough to fill a man’s heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy”.
And it is happily that returnees Sting Ray, Serbian, QT, Lok Sap Gao, Penile Demancia gathered at the Lion’s Pavillon, Sui Wo Rd, Overlooking Shatin’s stretch of lights , ready to discover what Geriatric had up his sleeve. It was without hesitation that last week run Geriatric took up the hare job from Gaelle Says No who had to business travel. He must have got something brewing on the back of his mind.
The beginning is very similar to the run set by Golden Jelly a few month ago at the same spot: going back Sui Wo Rd until the Rd goes down to the right and instead take the alley on the left along the residential wall. En route, we can see One Eye Jack dressing up for the run. Check.
Pushing for the similarity, I follow QT who goes up the metalic stairs instead of following the alley. Liberace is already calling for trail deeper in the alley but never mind we keep going up . It is Liberace after all and we quickly find our own Trail. When QT suddenly stop and does repeated large movement with his arm. « It’s a spider web! » « Ho! come on! » and I take over. After the stairs, the trail goes up through the shiggy and fucking hell, there is spider web every 2 meters. How can spiders rebuilt so fast and so many after the hare went through. Or did he? There is all this fresh marking of flour and toilet paper. How can that happen? Does Geriatric have a way to control spider? Is he spider man? I’m shewing these questions and many spiderwebs all the way to the trigonometric marker. Check! I go for left, QT for the right. And we both call trail at the same time. But I keep going. This is QT after all. The trail is going down,steep. And what the fuck! there’s a light shining at the bottom and going up…. Who ‘s that!?
« It’s a T. » mumbles One Eye Jack, going up.
Alright, let’s take a break here. he was late, still changing while we were deciphering the first check and gobbling the first spiders. But it didn’t take to long to reach the top.! So…. Ok, he’s the king of Shortcutters but still. How did he manage to get there before everyone? … Some Merlin wizardry at work here. More question.
On the good trail, Mango has joined QT. Both are arguing the best way to deal with spider web. QT and his arm. Mango and a piece of twig , fencing the air like a gay Dartagnan. It doesn’t take long for Eunuch and Liberace to take control and lead the way. Down, down, down.
And here is where I start to think Sisyphus. You see, when the boulder is going down, at least Sisyphus only has to follow its trail. But for us, mere hasher, our boulder is ourself, it is our stomach, more or less round, more or less raising up our centre of gravity, more or less hurting our joint. And unlike Sisyphus, we have to carry our boulder up and down. And these little boulder bastards of Eunuch and Liberace are racing down like bananas. It hurts to follow them. And it hurts to think that the more we go down, the more we’ll have to go up.
Thanks Geriatric for leading us to the public lift of Sui Wo Estate. Nice relief in our struggle. First there again, One Eye Jack is waiting for us in front of it with a large teethy grin. Eunuch urges the people to get out of the lift, Mango press the closing button frantically, Liberace arrives just too late, butt of the joke. On the intermediate floor, Mango has a look for marking, I try to push him out of the lift but he’s a heavy boulder.
A good laugh, yes but we are also 30m further down. Thanks Geriatric! There won’t be another lift to push ourselves up!
Although I have a sense that OEJ surreptitiously took the lift back up : once we got to the bottom of the bottom of it, along the East Railway, he wasn’t there anymore. And then, who knows what?
I was told that QT and Serbian , our two bone crippled, were considering the cab option after the lift but they didn’t have money, so they carried their boulder all the way back up. Not thinking that the taxi would take them back to their wallet… Hm, not just the bones are crippled. Along the railway, Liberace is in the hurry to go up, searching marks on every path or stair available on the right but the trail keeps going along the railway all the way to Shatin station. Even on the flat, the boulder is getting heavy, making the ascent more and more daunting .
And it begins, through crumbling shacks and tortuous stairs. How long this is going to take? Liberace and Eunuch little boulders bastards are still going bananas. And Mango slowly disappear in the distance. After the shacks, the trail reach a long stretch of bamboo. The path his littered with dry squames of bamboo, so slippery ! But then much faster than expected, with his warm humanity, up above, Mango give a « on home GM! »

Ô Geriatric , thank you in your magnanimity, after taking us so far down and playing so hard with our nerves, fibres, bones, blood and sweat, thank you in your magnanimity to give us such a swift final. Ô Geriatric! Ô Ceasar (you look like him a bit in Astérix books) : Fuck Sisyphus (he’s Greek after all !) and have a beer in the boulder!  – Creme Brulee

Hare: Geriatric

Runners: Radio 1, Golden Balls, Golden Jelly, Liberace, Eunuch, Creme Brulee, QT, One Eyed Jack, Velcro Lips, Dram, Mango Groove, Stingray, Serbian Bomber, Back To The Future, Luk Sup Gow, Beer Tits, T-Bird, Penile Dementia

 

Our first Chinese-language report, presented in Google Translate, then in the original copy.

Running Report

Early morning Masters announced in the group that the Religious Guide had arranged such awkward weather and proposed that the rabbit should take everyone to the bar. Religious Instructors and rabbits, who are still going to mess with No.8 typhoon, will never bow to this weather. Finally, God will stop raining.

The starting position is a park leisure park at the foot of Ma On Shan. The rabbit Buckles The Lips away from the dwellings and has a sheltered shelter corner. Last week, the eunuchs failed to deliver the beer because he couldn’t find the mysterious mountain. This time he sent more than enough beer on the wheelbarrow, and Liberace sent the ice with his small cargo bay. When the time arrived, the First Radio Station in Shatin District had no need to wait for her. The Original Radio Station started from home and ran more than 4,000 meters to get to the starting point in order to be able to enjoy beer.

The rabbit explained to them the distance. After the rabbits talked about the key points, They Said No, the Eunuch, French Stew, Liberace and Mango Lin began to find marks to lead everyone to walk.

At this time, the Golden Ball rushed into the public toilet hurrying and hurrying through the road, finally walking through the dangerous sarcophagus, only vaguely see the Single-Eye Product, push down the south and small twists to accompany the Old Man in front, Back To The Future and Jin Jelly also follow them into the woods on the slopes, the way of Bay Bay, climb up and down, after the collapsed In the village house, there are many green mangoes falling out on the ground. In the darkness, we enter the wet slippery path we like. In the dark, the flashlight only shines on the grass-covered road, and concentrates on how to set foot on each step. Nothing to care about, only knowing that the mark of flour that had been laid down the previous day was still miraculously clinging to our route.

After several years of hard work Returning To The Future and Golden Jelly surpassed the Old Man and his two beauties, they came to the Rambo and the Coward routes. Divide the points, it turned out that they had cleverly walked in front, and the Golden Ball and Radio Stations were still not catching up. The south and small twists and turns said that they had walked past the last time. There was no freshness and they did not go. It was actually to ensure that the Old Man goes home safely!

The Lanbo route went deeper into the woods on the hills and walked upwards for a while. The path became a rugged, rocky path. When you went down, you took a wrong step and you would roll down the hill. You suddenly heard the sound of speeding cars under the mountain. We were far from civilization. The world is not far away.

In front of Roman Avenue, Gold Jelly breathed a sigh of relief. When he Returned To The Future, he was not happy at all. He became anxious and nervous. He read in his mouth: There was something weird, it was embarrassing and I was very sorry. There were several worship wreaths and a number of mountain tombs on the original roadside. At this time, God promised that the time limit for the passage of time had passed.

In addition, to punish the people who ran slower, the dense rain began to spill. The Golden Ball and the Radio Station Originally selected their own routes and returned to the finish line. As a result, only two were wet. The runners of the body also gave boys eyes to eat ice cream! – Golden Jelly

Hare: Velcro Lips

Runners: Gaelle Says No, One Eyed Jack, Creme Brulee, Liberace, Eunuch, Mango Groove,  Geriatric, South Side Pushover, Twisty, Golden Jelly, Back To The Future, Radio 1, Golden Balls

Original Chinese:

跑步報告：

大清早大師便在群組宣報：罵宗教指導者安排了這麼屎的天氣，提議兔子帶大家走去酒吧算了。8號風球仍去雜亂跑的宗教指導者和兔子決不向這屎天氣低頭，終於老天也暫時停止下雨。

開跑位置是馬鞍山腳下一個屋苑休閒公園，兔子搭扣唇選了遠離民居，有個千瘡百孔的避雨亭角落。上星期宦官因為找不到那神秘的山頭，送啤酒任務失敗，今次他準時用手推車送來多於足夠的啤酒，利貝拉切用他的小貨灣把大包冰送來，起歩時間到了，家住沙田區的廣播電台第一台通知不用等她，原來廣播電台為了可以盡情喝啤酒，所以從家起步，跑了4千多米，來到起點。

兔子向大家講解路程重點後，妃說不、宦官、法式燉蛋、利貝拉切和芒果林便開始找記號，帶領大家走，這時候金球卻急急腳地跑入公厠，過了公路，終於走完了那些危險的石屎水渠，

只隱約見到單眼積、推倒南方和小扭曲陪伴著老者在前面，回到未來和金果凍也跟著他們走入斜坡上樹林，灣灣曲曲的路，往上爬往下滑，經過已倒塌的村屋，地上有許多掉下來的青芒果，在黑暗，進入我們喜歡的濕滑泥路小徑，黑暗中電筒只照著被草覆蓋了的路，聚精會神看自己每一步該如何落腳，周邊有什麼都不在意，只知道前一天已放下的麵粉記號仍然神奇地緊貼在我們的路線上，幾經辛苦回到未來和金果凍超越了老者和他的兩個美女，來到藍博和懦夫路線分歧點，原來他們已巧妙地走了在前，金球和廣播電台仍未趕上，推倒南方和小扭曲說藍博路線她們上次已走過的，沒有新鮮感，不走了，其實是要確保老者安全回家！

藍博路線又再深入山上樹林，向上走了一會兒，路徑變成碎石滿佈的崎嶇小路，往下走時踏錯一步便會滾到下山，突然聽到山下有高速飛馳的車聲，我們距離文明世界不遠了。

羅馬大道在前，金果凍鬆了一口氣，回到未來卻一點都不高興，返而焦慮緊張起來，口中念念有詞：有怪莫怪，唔好意思，我地黎行山運動下啫，有怪莫怪⋯⋯原來路邊擺放著幾個祭拜花圈和多個山墳。這時，老天爺承諾放晴的時限已過，加上要懲罰跑得慢的人，密密麻麻的雨開始灑下來了，金球和廣播電台原來各自選擇自創路線，回到終點，結果只有兩個濕了身子的跑手，也給男生們眼睛吃冰淇淋啊！

 

 

Tinny Sort of Run

Hare Dingaling had said the exact start of the run would depend on the prevailing winds, and on arriving at the general area indicated – south of one of the nullahs that run north from Tai Tong into Yuen Long – we find out why. The noxious stench of piggery invades our nostrils. Geriatric is already there along with visitors South Side Pushover, Easy Rider and Cannot Finnish, and they’ve found a leafy glade in which to take shelter from heat and pong, and after some confusion among the drivers about where to park we all drive into the glade.

The hare arrives full of bonhomie and confirms we’ve found the start. Penile Dementia makes his first appearance since rupturing his cruciate ligament last year at a party and does the run with poles, while three of the four Kinabalutans present are nursing injuries: Stunt Double (gout), Hoover (gashed hand) and Dingaling (twisted ankle); only Fartypants is unblemished. Walky Talky is getting drunk at the Babes Hash while BJ, perhaps wisely, has decided to rest up. He will miss an epic sharpener for next weekend’s climb up Mt Kinabalu.

Dingaling gives the briefing: look for chalk and shredded paper. Three rambo splits with split 2 going past old tin mine workings. Split 3 has a little hill. Photo, and off we run down the road towards yards and agriculture, where I solve the first check and arrive first at the second check. It looks like we have to get across some fields to where a defined path contours around the bottom of the hill. Walkers are clearly visible. Between us is a mini cliff and thick vegetation with no obvious way through. On an impulse I head away from the hill with Stunt Double. Creme Brulee has taken the path towards the hill. I find nothing but on turning round I see Creme Brulee also running back towards the check, so I decide to go further, Stunt Double abandons the cause. Has he heard something that I haven’t? I’m on a promising track – one that ends in a wall of vegetation. Back to the check. There’s nobody there, but I can see them on the contour path below the hill. The check isn’t marked. “Where’s the trail?” I shout. “On on!” comes the faint reply.

And so I thrash about past piles of sand, heaps of rubbish, old containers and scruffy vegetation, unable to find the way down, until Dingaling appears to rescue me. Back on trail, I run through agriculture, over a bridge, through a gate and up to the contour trail. This leads to a set of steps going up and off the contour path. After a little climb the rambo 1 / wimp split appears. I take rambo 1, a little detour through abandoned agriculture, a stream and a scramble up some terraces, until I regain the wimp trail uphill. High above, I can see the blue shirt of Cannot Finnish. This is to be the last sign of a hasher I see until the final stretch of the run.

Here is the rambo 2 / wimp split, through a gap in the trees for a steep scramble. Lots of false summits. several pits in the ground that I assume are old mine workings.

Some badlands, one part where I must negotiate an arete-like ridge that falls away on both sides. Luckily there is vegetation to hold on to and steady my rising vertigo. Forest gives way to scratchy dry bracken. I’m at the top. A check is marked to the right where, some way below, I see the grey waters of Wong Nei Tun Reservoir. The track down is very steep and loose, difficult to negotiate, but there’s a metal pipe I can hold on to. Wrong, it’s wet and slippery. At least there are plenty of bushes for braking. But they’re mostly poison sumac and I cannot grab them. At a particularly steep stretch I resort to arsing it down, a tactic I later learn that front-runner Eunuch had also employed.

At the reservoir a check is marked over the dam, and then there’s the rambo 3 / wimp split, the wimp trail reaching the dam by the same simple path it started on. Rambo 3 is indicated left. I know this place, I’ve set runs here. That way only goes up and up and ever more steeply up, until it reaches the ridge, which is a roller-coaster. The wimp trail is indicated along the waterworks road – this will be a couple of kilometres before a descent to Tai Tong. Goodbye climbing, hello tarmac.

Goodbye tarmac, hello steep sandy descent. Way below I can see what looks like Hoover and Golden Jelly picking their way gingerly down. I can do this stuff, and I set off on my shuffle-run, flying down the fell. But what is that echo approaching me from the rear. Suddenly Eunuch stampedes past, Ghurka-like, almost ending up in a bush as he does so. Now the descent has finished and I’m at the nullah. It’s a simple plod up the road to the finish, where the hare is icing his ankle. Setting a run like that’s probably not the best way to recover from a twisted ankle when there’s a mountain to climb in a week, but thanks for a really interesting trail.

There are still nine out on the rambo 3 trail, and they trickle in over the next 30 minutes, all looking knackered. The last back is a dehydrated Radio 1 in over two hours. Amazingly, Penile Dementia manages the full triple-rambo on poles. In the glade, Golden Jelly makes a fire to drive away the voracious mosquitoes. Eunuch’s loony son Piss In Bucket has nabbed my folding stool and appears to be trying to insert it into a hole in a tree. There’s organic cider, red wine, white wine and beer. Unusually for the NNT, the softies disappear very quickly – but Eunuch provides reinforcements. After all, he’s got plenty.  – Golden Balls

Hare: Dingaling

Runners: Stunt Double, Penile Dementia, Golden Jelly, Cannot Finnish, Beer Tits, Radio 1, Velcro Lips, Easy Rider, Hoover, One Eyed Jack, Fartypants, Creme Brulee, Mango Groove, South Side Pushover, Geriatric, Luk Sup Gow, See No Weevil, Golden Balls, Eunuch, Dram

Non-runner: Overdue

Read Tymon Mellor’s article, Tin Mine at Tai Tong

 

 

 

The Miracle

This is an electronic message from Eunuch :

Hi Steve,
Couldn’t find the start for the life of me.
The road does not appear on google maps, and I certainly couldn’t  see the entrance along the kong na po road in the dark – could have done with a co pilot.
I suggest putting some road markings down if you are setting from somwhere new.
I have plenty of beer.
Eunuch

As a matter of fact it was a new spot for most of the braves who showed up despite the scorching heat and the difficulty to find the starting point. Beware GB! An old black trash bag is not the clearest landmark in the dark.

And so the gathering was a bit of a mess. And to add despair to anxiety, Eunuch and the beers were not showing up. Mango was very agitated about this, saying he had called Eunuch twice unsuccessfully, and blaming his no-to-WhatsApp attitude . He was talking also about his nose falling a part and pissing blood because of some Asher dude who couldn’t care more. He sounded like it has happened just recently so I took a closer look at his nose to see nothing. -Ho!… that was two years ago.

So are we going to run without beer?

Here comes Captain Quick! Occasional runner on the N2TH3 and carrying a box of Moritz beer from Barcelona in his car boot, together with Radio 1 and QT… was it for his personal consumption or for the run? Anyway: Thanks Cap’n! You save the day and the run is on!

And so from this bold hilltop with a view on Shenzhen by night we go: Mango, Liberace and QT are leading, followed by Golden Balls (?), Captain Quick, Velcro Lips, Golden Gelly , One Eye Jack and Radio 1. Is the hare going to run his trail with us? But he stops after 50m or 54.680 yards or 164and 1/16ft pointing “this way”.
The first check isn’t far and is placed in a way that takes the 9 pieces of 8 enthusiastic runners to a large flat no man’s land. Something fishy here and I decide to go along with the path. After another 164and 1/16ft, GB whisper from his bold hilltop: Flo, on your left… thanks R. A.
“TRAIL!”
Going up another small hilltop to have in full sight The Great Wall of Shenzhen (copyright Golden Balls). But no time to dwell as the pack is puffing not far behind.
The shiggy is low but dense, harsh on the legs. The trail is twisty and quite difficult to read though the marking is plenty.

Mango Has closed the gap and we arrive together on Man Kan To Rd. Just before jumping down the pavement an arrow point to the right. It could mean that we have to go along the road but staying under the wood but a nice spider web is crossing the path. I don’t think GB could have gone through without damaging it so I go for the pavement. Mango thinks otherwise and stay in the wood. Another 54.680 yards and an arrow tells to cross the road. Meanwhile the pack has rejoined Mango who is still trying to go through the spider web without damaging it.

Across the road I’m a bit wandering, trying to find the trail and it is altogether we follow path through nicely kept farm land. The farmers are not so happy about our intrusion but what can they do?

And quickly we enter a new shiggy section.
This is where QT ordeal start: first hash crash of the day punctuated by a long, evaporating Haaaaaaa.

The shiggy open on a clearing built in espalier.
In the grass small stone are aligned, all the same, about 1 square foot, all planted vertically, all engraved with serial number : 1116 1117 1118…. Under the grass, the ground is deeping slightly in front of each stone.! …. What kind of graveyard is that?!

Anyway we have a run to finish . So we rush through and along a pond filled with frogs. When: Haaaaaaaaaa , QT sounds like Mariah Carey for is second crash. “Can you move?” ask Liberace without stopping.

QT would crash many more time, would sound more and more like Mariah Carey and would still have to move because some wasp would have decided his Haaaa were truly annoying ! And he would finish the run with a cracked ankle.

Nobody has taken the wimp option and the Rambo has given a nice variety of shiggy, semi abandoned concrete path, short but steep stairs, reasonable portion of roads. Cs, Ts, CBs are keeping the front runners together with Liberace regularly finding the CB first and One Eye Jack mumbling in his footstep “Never follow Liberace” and Captain Quick quietly finding the right alternative. And as a matter of fact , finishing the run first. This guy is Marvel material!

The girls reach the bold hilltop a good 40 mn after the front runners, while a nice blood moon is rising. The circle can start with Velcro Lips providing an excellent picnic . We could have done with Eunuch’s bucket to finish the circle but we had a fine time nevertheless. The conclusion of it being Liberace snacking in horror a “Haywards Traditional” pickled onion. Another delightful Wednesday evening.  – Crème Brûlée

Hare: Golden Balls

Runners: Captain Quick, Liberace, Crème Brûlée, Mango Groove, One Eyed Jack, QT, Radio 1, Velcro Lips, Golden Jelly

Non-runner: Dingaling

Toilet Trading

I arrived at Serbian Bomber’s favourite place in the whole world early for once, and was soon joined by four other hashers: Velcro Lips, Radio 1 and the hares Back To The Future and Golden Jelly. “Is this turning into the Ladies Hash?” I asked, in response to which a resounding trombone blast rent the air. “What the fuck was that?” Velcro replied “It’s Revenge of the Chick…peas. I had some healthy shit for lunch and tried to pick out all the chickpeas, but some made it through…” “I’m off to get changed,” choked Radio 1, heading for the toilet block.

A little while later I too headed for the toilets. My bewilderment on entering the gents – greeted by the sight of Radio 1 in her vest and panties – knew no bounds. “What are you doing here?” she demanded in outrage. In response, I indicated the men’s urinals not a metre from where she was getting changed. You’ve never seen a jaw hit the floor so quickly. She spent the rest of the evening protesting she didn’t mean to be in the men’s toilets half naked, a protest which became less and less convincing as the night progressed.

But I digress. There was a run to be dealt with, and the hares dismayed the pack with words like “hard run”, “”up and down” and “8km”. There was no wimps trail. There was one T. It was Back To The Future’s first stab at being hare for the NNT. Which way? Down to Route Twisk and across the road.

So off we went, into the country park management area and a three-way check. Eunuch went up the road. “T!”. Liberace went along the path to the left. “No markings!”. Creme Brûlée took the trail to the right. “Trail!”, and we all followed, until Eunuch said ,”Here, that’s not flour, it’s paint!”. Thus we milled around and even tested the 180-degree check hypothesis, to no avail, until Eunuch re-tested the Liberace path. “Trail!” he yelled after less than 100 metres. We should have known.

The going was rough underfoot with plenty of rock gardens and root estates, and soon it got more technical as trail led down down down a nice shiggy trail, eventually emerging at the village opposite Chuen Lung. Here trail crossed a stream, and Mango fell in, cracking his elbow badly on a rock. We all laughed as he lay there in agony, except Liberace, who said, “Mango, can you move? Yes? Then you’re OK. Bye…”

The next section sorted us out. It was a steep bamboo forest and trail led uphill along pig tracks through dense bamboo knitted low overhead. It was observed that the diminutive BTTF and the slim Golden Jelly had clearly not taken into account the girth of the chubbers that were supposed to follow this impossible pathway. I very soon had my head torch ripped off so was obliged to carry it, immobilising one hand in terrain that required two. Behind, Velcro’s muffled swearing could be discerned. Above, Eunuch was apparently levitating above the shiggy, so rapid was his ascent.

There followed more ups and downs, all in forest, of varying runnability. Velcro’s torch faded to nothing but Radio 1 was on hand to help her along. QT fell over three times. Where are we? The disorientation only alleviated by the occasional sound of motoring from Route Twisk. At long last we hit the familiar and hateful steps up to the road leading to Tai Lam Chung Reservoir, from where it was a simple run down to Tsuen Kam Au and the finish.

A successful hash is one that turns the air blue at the finish. If the amount of bitching and recrimination between the first half dozen back – scaring off a bunch of shaven-coiffed and tattooed tripod types – was anything to go by, this was run of the year! Back To The Future went round with a cake tin full of toffee walnut she’d prepared. The circle featured a 69 between One Eyed Jack and Liberace, in which Liberace’s reputation as a Lothario took a severe pounding when he appeared to be confused by what a 69 actually is. “Which way do I face?”

Great first effort by hare Back To The Future and co-hare Golden Jelly! – Golden Balls

Hares: Back To The Future, Golden Jelly

Runners: Liberace, One Eyed Jack, Liberace, Mango Groove, Creme Brûlée, Radio 1, QT, Velcro Lips, Dram, Antiseptic, T-Bird, Golden Balls

Collaboration

As there were so many routes on Electrolux’s trail from the Kau Lung Hang railway bridge pagoda, This week’s report is a collaborative effort.

Mango Groove: “It is a very easy run, I took 45 minutes to run it.  Remember the number C8034 if you want to get home.” said the hare, Electrolux, just before the off.  Foolishly thinking that this was going to be a piece of cake the pack sprinted off, with co-hare Beer Tits leading the way.  A short while later Beer Tits was on the phone asking Electrolux where trail was. It was at this point that we all decided to split up, searching frantically for trail in Kau Lung Hang, checking in all directions, running around like sweaty fools on a cool April evening.

Soon enough Liberace disappeared, nobody could work out where he went as his shouts of “Twail!!” could not be heard.  Eunuch messed around, always returning to where he had started whereas the GM, Radio One and Mango started checking out some shiggy zones. Then out of the darkness Dingaling arrived. ”I can tell you where the rambo / wimp split is if you like, I walked over it on my way to the run.” Not wanting to shortcut but really wanting to shortcut, a few of the group took Dingaling’s advice and headed straight down the path almost to the last bridge to find the split.

At this point Liberace had turned back leaving Golden Jelly and Back To The Future to find trail themselves. The wimps appeared to take us over the bridge whereas the rambo trail kept us going straight. A few minutes later Golden Balls, Eunuch, Crème Brule, G-Spot, One Eyed Jack and Mango managed to find trail leading around the Hong Lok Yuen layby before going into the main estate. We were to find out later that we had missed a checkback and were supposed to have headed towards Tai Po Tau.  So now we were doing the on back in reverse…….

Radio 1: I started running and ran in every direction through the village but couldn’t find trail. I saw Liberace give up and go back to the start. I saw Dingaling who told me where the rambo/wimp split is. On the way I met Golden Jelly. She said “Do you want to visit a new farm in Tai Hang?” So we walked to the farm and then walked back to the start. I did 6km.

Golden Balls: I arrived late and was told by the hare it was a short run, rambos 45 minutes, wimps 30 minutes, and she suggested I go straight along the road by the railway to the last bridge where I’d come to the rambo/wimp split. While I was getting changed, a minibus driver got out of his van and implored Electrolux to move her car, which was obstructing his three-point turn. Electrolux has clearly inherited BJ’s schadenfreudal streak as she commented, “If he’s a good enough driver he can get past…”

So I set off down the road, passing Luk Sup Gow, Beer Tits and Phil and then a couple of ladies who looked like Velcro Lips and Golden Jelly from behind but weren’t and were bewildered by my yelling on on as I passed them. As I got to the split, at the southernmost railway bridge, I saw Dram, BackTo The Future, One Eyed Jack and G Spot ahead of me on the bridge. I followed OEJ and G Spot as they were on arrows towards the old Hong Lok Yuen meeting place, while Dram inexplicably led Back To The Future along the cycle track. It turned out that was the correct trail, so what were these arrows?

Near the Hong Lok Yuen meeting point, on a sawn-off tree trunk, was a check. G Spot took the track up into the forest, OEJ headed for Hong Lok Yuen and I went to the subway under the roundabout. Nothing. By the time I got back to the check Mango Groove, Creme Brulee and Eunuch had arrived and were all following OEJ’s call of trail into the estate. I tried to use the code to enter but it didn’t work so I dis some nifty dodging around the barrier and joined the other five.

Eunuch: My grim tale begins at the mosquito-infested old N2th3 gathering place just outside Hong Lok Yuen, where a confused G-spot was stood claiming to be checking things out, but in reality he was trying to hide a puddle of stinking piss which he had just done.

Towards the direction of Hong Lok Yuen, a surly sounding “on on” confirmed that One Eyed Jack had found trail, and after catching up with him, Mango took the initiative to mince around the high security fences into what was believed to be forbidden suburbanite territory.Insisting he was best at finding trail, Mango then led the pack in completely the wrong direction, thus leaving us lost in a never-ending sprawl of streets littered with Filipino maids busy scraping up the recently ejected shit from their employers’ dog’s arses.

Utilizing a cheeky looking back passage, none other than Eunuch himself (that’s me), guided the pack back on flour, only to discover an arrow showing we were going in the wrong direction. At this point, the choice of continuing backwards along trail or following trail forwards needed to be made. For Eunuch and G-Spot it was simple, we’d picked up on the wrong trail at the check at Hong Lok Yuen and followed it backwards, but for One Eyed Jack, Mango Groove, Creme Brulee and Golden Balls it was an ideal opportunity to about-face and return home like little bitches.

So, not really much to say from this point onward, G Spot and myself went up through the gate (with the C8034 code), climbed up Cloudy Hill to a check, headed down to Tai Po, then followed the cycle path all the way back to the Hong Lok Yuen junction, confirming a pan handle loop. The problem was that the closest marking to the check at the start of this tale was in the wrong direction around the loop, however since she’s a chick we shouldn’t blame the hare, so let’s blame One Eye’d Jack for finding the wrong trail, phew, wot a looney.

Golden Balls: The Intrepid Six plodded on through the ghastly suburban torment of Hong Lok Yuen, clearly off trail but all following Mango like rent boys.”Why are we going this way when there’s no trail?” I asked plaintively. No response but a grim setting of jaws as we pushed on, and on, and up, and up, heading for the security gate to Cloudy Hill and the Wilson Trail. At last, near the gate, we saw flour. “Trail!” Then we saw an arrow pointing in the direction we’d just come. “You’re going the wrong way!” we called to Eunuch and G Spot, who had the bit between their teeth and visions of Cloudy Hill in their eyes. They heard us and chose not to listen.

Thus did the Inept Six fracture into the Cack-handed Two and the Ham-fisted Four. As the Four finally approached the barrier gate and the end of the baleful Hong Lok Yuen section, a young couple punched the security code into the steps down towards the country club and Creme Brulee, One Eyed Jack slipped through. How we cackled as the gate closed before Mango could get through. He stood there sobbing like a girl so I went back up the steps to try and open the gate while the GM and OEJ, sensing their opportunity to make a break, sprinted off down the alley beside the supermarket. By the time I failed to open the gate and got back down the steps a convoy of vehicles from the country club blocked my passage and I stood there while Mango sprinted down the road above to cover the break. Alas, I was isolated! But not all was lost as I used my secret tunnel under the railway to get back in front of the sneaky One Eyed Jack on the run home.

As we waited for Eunuch and G Spot (who must have taken at least an hour and a half for this “short” run), Electrolux drove off with Overdue and Antiseptic and came back with excellent curries, rice and salad. Good effort, hare!

G Spot: I smell a rat. We all know what the French did to collaborators!

Hares: Electrolux, Beer Tits

Runners: Eunuch, G Spot, Creme Brulee, One Eyed Jack, Mango Groove, Golden Balls, Radio 1, Liberace, Dingaling, Velcro Lips, Golden Jelly, Dram, Back To The Future, Luk Sup Gow, Phil, Antiseptic

Non-runners: T-Bird, Overdue

 

 

 

 

Rambo vs Predator

It was a standard One Eyed Jack run – meaning a well laid, well considered trail with lots of variety and plenty of shiggy. After some initial parking confusion with Creme Brûlée and Radio 1, both newcomers to the Shek Kong catchwater, we set off westwards along the catchwater road, encountering several checks until after a kilometre or so the inevitable shiggy trail was found leading steeply uphill. Did I say trail? It looked more like OEJ had simply pushed his way through the forest in an upward direction.

After a fair bit of this it started to feel like the Walky Talky / Hard Up trail last year that just kept on going up through shiggy forever, or at least up to the 500m contour. Happily this particular bit of fighting ended at a recognisable trail that levelled out as it twisted through the forest. Now it looked like the trail Salesman set for Shek Kong a few weeks ago, and indeed it was as we turned in an easterly direction back towards the start along the contour trail cleared by the salesperson.

But there was a twist. While the wimps went down the Ancient Trail for a simple run in, the rambos turned upwards yet again, where a check back took them onto an extremely steep descent into a ravine to cross a stream. This is where it all went to pieces, with front-runner Gaelle Says No running through the check back to do the mountain bike loop (with BJ following him) and Creme Brûlée characterising the descent as “not Rambo but Predator”. Radio 1 fell well behind the pack and spent a good half hour alone in the forest unsure of whether she was on trail (she was) and backtracking all the time to check it really was flour on the ground there.

The hare rejected all charges of trail plagiarism with the argument that he actually first set that run 20 years ago with the great Soleless. The man who was so competitive he would try to win his own hashes while claiming to sweep. One Eyed Jack, your credibility is shot.

But sausagy goodness was whipped up by some of the ladies present, who clucked their way through the now habitually chaotic circle until Eunuch memorably silenced them with: “Vagina girls, hush!”

Such fun we had.  – Golden Balls

Hare: One Eyed Jack

Runners: Gaelle Says No, Liberace, Eunuch, BJ, Mango Groove, Creme Brûlée, Radio 1, Golden Balls,   Golden Jelly, Dram, Antiseptic, Beer Tits, Luk Sup Gow, Phil

Non-runner: Electrolux