Run 1852, 14 March, Tai Mo Shan

Frog & Toad


Serbian Bomber set off at 7.10pm in the pouring rain and near-zero visibilty of a very wet Tai Mo Shan. First task? The bogs. Second task? To set the run. Early arrivers saw him disappear into the rain, shoulders hunched determinedly. It was to be a live hare run.

Shortly after 7.30 the small pack took off down the hill to Route Twisk and a check, with trail found in the Kam Tin direction. Shortly after, another check with options on both sides of the road. It was here, up some steps, that Creme Brulee called “Frog!” only for the entire pack to converge on the steps to see the GM coming back down. “You called trail!” “Non, I called frog!” The irony of this seemed to be lost on the valiant Frenchman.

After a while another check was found along Route Twisk, similarly with several options on both sides of the road. Extensive checking along every trail – there were quite a few – revealed nothing. So we checked again. And again. After 15 minutes I suggested the trail had been washed out and we “hash” our way back to the beer, a suggestion enthusiastically embraced by almost everybody, but Mango said :No! We’ve NEVER abandoned a trail! We must go out again and find it!”

So once more unto the breach, or in my case, the shiggy. The totally trackless shiggy with no trail going steeply up through forest. And there it was, fluttering in the trees like an abandoned condom: “TRAIL!!” And so we all hauled ourselves up the muddy slope. We’d been out half an hour and were 400 metres from the start. No chance of catching the hare then.

Eventually the MacLehose Trail was attained and the trail led up the stone steps to a shiggy loop among the rocks before dropping down to Tai Mo Shan Road and heading downhill, but I’d had enough and went back to the start. Here I encountered Back To The Future, who’d decided not to run as she wasn’t feeling very well, and I explained to her that the pack was still in the early stages of the run and not to expect them back for 45 minutes. Not much later a torch light could be seen, and then the unmistakeable silhouette of a burly man hunkered like a toad, running very fast indeed and almost falling over. It was the hare. Twenty metres behind him, showing no sense of urgency, was Mango Groove followed by One Eyed Jack and Liberace. Somehow they had failed to realise that the burly man in front of them was the hare.

The accusations started. “What the frick was that third check about?” “Did you lot do the big shiggy loop? You’ve short cut 20 minutes of the run!” Back and forth the banter went. Creme Brulee and Eunuch arrived, having started on the big shiggy loop but lost trail and come back up to the road, so nobody had done the full trail. Nobody? But where was Moni? Had she ventured, alone and in the dark, onto Serbian’s “terribly steep, real shiggy” loop and got lost – or, worse, actually found the trail? After half an hour it was decided to send a motorised search party of one out to find her. Who else but a gallant Frenchman, the GM?

While he was out Moni came back. The GM later said on Whatsapp: “Rain, wind, clouds, inconceivable check, toilet paper lost in the shiggy and Moni deciding to do her own things, triggering a failed rescue mission.”

The usual raucous circle degenerated into chaos and we all went home happy.  – Golden Balls

Hare: Serbian Bomber

Runners: Golden Balls, Mango Groove, One Eyed Jack, Liberace, Creme Brulee, Eunuch, Moni

Non-runner: Back To The Future


Run 1851, 10 March, Ta Kwu Ling

E-Venn-tful Outing

Venn copy

Controversy reigned at Saturday Run No. 17 as hashers returned from the trail with vastly differing comments on the quality of the run.

“Crap – too short!” announced the incensed Dingaling.

“Crap – illegal markings!” announced the enraged BJ.

“Crap – foolish run!” announced the apoplectic Liberace.

Others were of polar opposite views.

“Great trail – just the right length!” enthused Eunuch.

“Great trail – beautiful!” gushed Oranguwank.

Great trail – superb markings!” raved Mango Groove.

Which just goes to show something or other but I’m buggered if I know what. Perhaps the Hash Venn diagram above can throw some light on the altercation; clearly Liberace belongs in the central field.

Hare Golden Balls had promised a shorter variant of the Free China run he’d set with Gaelle Says No in February, and he wasn’t kidding, with bragging rights going to Stunt Double, who returned in 50 minutes. He was closely followed in by Eunuch, Oranguwank and Dingaling before the three disgruntled hashers started filing in. What went wrong?

Trail left the start at a Kwu Ling Ling Ying Public School on a beautiful afternoon more akin to autumn than March and led out around fields to the north, where Victim solved the first check. After a short forest section trail emerged on Lin Ma Hang Road at the River Ganges Pumping Station, where trail led briefly east to the second check. Runners looked every which way but no trail was to be found. It was at this point that an indignant Gunpowder Plod returned to the start along the road, followed by strollers T-Bird and Electrolux. However Plod was soon regruntled with instructions from the hare on how to get back on trail by short-cutting. Meanwhile, back on Lin Ma Hang Road Liberace eventually solved the check by returning the 30 metres to the pumping station and heading in the opposite direction, i.e., 180 degrees away from the check, which was a “backward” check oft used by Free China hares to sow confusion. The legality of this check was debated for the rest of the afternoon.

From here trail led up an old police road to a Macintosh fort and thence along a ridge, some of it recently burned. Towards the end of this ridge was a hazard the hare had warned about: coming downhill from the trig point a sudden left turn on the edge of a cliff. “S” for “slow” markings on the ground warned people to slow down or walk or else they would run straight over the cliff…there were no casualties.

Crossing a concrete path trail went up steeply on a fixed rope to another top, then dropped down to the south and an overgrown trail leading to the R/W split. From here, the Rambo trail threw a short loop up the dirt bike tracks and back round to rejoin the wimps for a pleasant run home on dirt tracks.

The circle was followed by an on-on at Luen Wo Hui. – Cock of Space

Hare: Golden Balls

Runners: Antiseptic, Velcro Lips, Catch Of The Day, Dram, Liberace, Luk Dim Boon, Stunt Double, Hoover, Electrolux, BJ, Gunpowder Plod, Mango Groove, Golden Jelly, Oranguwank, Eunuch, T-Bird, Dingaling, Victim

Non-runners: Overdue, Eunuch’s kids

Run 1850, 7 March, Bride’s Pool Rd

Two Kings

Two kings

“The trail is not suitable for cripples!” said hare Dingaling of his run near Wu Kau Tang, but this didn’t deter Catch Of The Day, on crutches after hip surgery, who tackled the trail complete with its fixed ropes. But if the redoubtable COTD could be forgiven for taking forever to finish the trail, what of the two Kings – Stingray and Serbian Bomber – who turned up at the finish – in a car – after two-plus hours, with the circle almost over?

Starting from the car park the trail went down some steps and along paths to the river where a check back was solved by taking the extremely steep shiggy trail up to the waterfall. From here trail went across the top of the waterfall and along the stone path to Wu Kau Tang. Plod didn’t fancy the steep trail so tried to second-guess the run, getting it completely wrong and arriving back at the start after 20 minutes. Meanwhile trail went along village paths, up and around and down and up through terraces, a beautiful section. At a check on the flanks of Tiu Tang Lung back markers Golden Balls, Golden Jelly and the returnee Mony, aka Bukakke’s wife, decided to cut down to the lights of Bride’s Pool far below for a short cut, while the rest of the pack trooped on up almost to the summit to where Serbian lost his glasses last year and had to be guided off the mountain by GB. Trail then descended to the north and went to the Wu Kau and fire lookout and down to Bride’s Pool Rd for the long run in.

The hapless Serbian Bomber, last year

Eunuch was first back but after successfully tackling all the shiggy he managed to roll his ankle on the road 100m from the finish. Back they came in ones and two, including a welcome return by the Bogbrushily refulgent Antiseptic, but where were the two Kings? The fact that the car they arrived in was driven by COTD (who’d left her car at Wu Kau Tang to avoid the road run-in) immediately raised suspicions that they’d tried to short cut and got hopelessly lost. Or perhaps they made like Elvis and Wacko Jacko in the song Two Kings by Burning Hell? – One Eyed Jack

Oh their cabin isn’t small at all, but it’s no northern Neverland
No Graceland in the woods, just a simple home with simple furnishings
Two Kings on two wooden thrones, rocking the porch away
Talking about the old days and working out the details of their comeback tour
No, you’ll never see us again
Oh, you never were our real friends
Ergo, you’ll never see us again 

Hare: Dingaling

Runners:  BJ, One Eyed Jack, Serbian Bomber, Stingray, Creme Brulee, Liberace, Mango Groove, Eunuch, Antiseptic, Catch Of The Day, Gunpowder Plod, Mony, Golden Jelly, Golden Balls

Google Earth plot, from memory!





Run 1849, 28 February, Tai Shui Hang Rd

A Valorous RunValor Warhol

Outside Tai Shui Hang station, the promised markings to the start – at the sitting out area half a kilometer up Mui Tsz Lam Road – were indeed observed.  The only thing about the markings were they were unusually large and had the letters WH3 crossed out. Nothing to worry about though as we all knew where the start was and it wasn’t Sunday so we couldn’t be doing a WH3 run anyway.  This weeks scribe was third to arrive at the start with Eunuch and Stingray already changed and ready to go. Others followed, one by one, until our number swelled to 12, but there was something strange… no ladies. We’re not turning gay, are we?

Eventually the hare, Vibrator, arrived carrying an enormous back pack and covered in flour. After a few shouts of “are we gonna get started today or what?” the hare gave out instructions.  Key points for the pack were a rambo run of 6km, a wimp run of 3km, it will take an hour if you’re good at going uphill, there’s a number of check backs, and make sure you have a torch.

So off we went, running a short stretch down Mui Tsz Lam Road, with One Eyed Jack and Liberace solving the first check that went left just after a little bridge.  A check or two later had us all clambering up a slope with Eunuch, Mango and One Eyed Jack short cutting.  As the trail wound its way around the slope we began to have a sense of what was coming… a pretty long hill climb.  So up we went with Gaelle Says No, Liberace, Crème Brulee and Eunuch going at pace up the hill. As we climbed for about 15 minutes a rambo / wimp split was sighted, an option that QT found too tempting to neglect.  More climbing, hearts pounding out of chests, one crest after another until… a check back.  Well only the FRBs got to the check back as the rest of us were so far behind; they marked the correct trail off to the right, but Dingaling decided that this was a trick and had to go all the way up the hill just to find out for himself.

Once the check back was solved some nice flattish trail had us running onto a three-way check that went up slightly before a long descent.  As we ran down, great care had to be taken due to the “ankle twisting terrain.” Eunuch led the way all the way to the final check back before clambering over the railings for a very short run home. The run was just over an hour for the FRB’s with others arriving within the next 30 minutes. The hare did admit that he recycled his recent WH3 run but nobody gave a toss as there was plenty of beer to drink.

As we waited for the circle to start indeed much beer was consumed, including some called “Valor” that Eunuch got at a North Point Wellcome store for $30 a case. Geriatric had brought along a bottle of wine and Plod continued his email spamdemic about plastic cups.  The circle was a lively affair with the GM and GM2 dishing out down downs for all manner of crimes. As usual the circle descended into chaos and was eventually closed. All that is left to be written is this was an excellent first N2TH3 hared run by Vibrator… hope to see him again in eight months time. – Mango Groove

Hare: Vibrator

Runners: Stingray, Eunuch, Mango Groove, Dingaling, Gunpowder Plod, One Eyed Jack, Gaelle Says No, QT, Bunter, Geriatric, Crème Brulee, Liberace



Run 1848, 21 February, Kam Ho Rd

Cavalry to Calvary

Big Moany

What are we going to do without Big Moany? Since he was unceremoniously dumped by his employer of 20 years (HUD…booo…hisss) he’s taken on the role of Mr 7th Cavalry, not only for us but also for Shek Kong Hash. He seems to be setting a run every two or three weeks. That’s him above, just to prove what a trooper he is. And what with Back To The Future pulling out as hare after going down with flu, there he was again with a rousing blare of bugles, to the rescue, setting a run at a couple of days’ notice.

Except this time he went from Cavalry to Calvary when rain stopped play, or at least played havoc with his trail. (“I wasn’t expecting it to rain!”) Among the many accusations and incriminations thrown as the pack returned, each having done a different trail and distance (shortest Golden Jelly, 3km, longest Serbian Bomber, 7.5km) it emerged that not a single hasher had seen the first arrow. Big Moany was outraged and almost choked on his cigarillo. Subsequent examination of the trail proved that the crucial first mark was indeed there and quite visible. We must all have been following Liberace. When will we ever learn?

Sections of trail were discovered by various runners and followed until trail disappeared again. Advertised as a “boring village run”, the trail did indeed have a fair amount of rural roads and tracks, and also incorporated The Pipe, which about half the pack did.

At the finish, Golden Jelly was in her car with the hare trying to help him do something with his cigar. “Next time, withdraw quickly,” she was heard to say. This intriguing utterance was followed half a minute later by Big Moany’s “Well, do you want it in or out?” He emerged puffing contentedly.

The circle was held at the big turning area at the end of Kam Ho Road, frequently interrupted by a cars and vans whose humans – couples – drove up, took one look at us, and drove off again. Wonder what they wanted? And did they have any cigars?

Hare: Big Moany

Runners: Liberace, Gaelle Says No, Golden Jelly, QT, One Eyed Jack, Serbian Bomber, Creme Brulee

Non-runner: Golden Balls

Run 1847, 14 February, Ma Wo

Le Massacre de Tai Po

I was delighted to be able to finally make a run, so I plundered from the fridge some special French cheese and pepperoni I had been saving for weeks, and set off for the familiar shelter at the top of Ma Wo Road, Tai Po.

A small pack assembled and the GM launched into a history lesson. Today was St Valentines’s Day, and we learned that the French were far better at covering up February 14 massacres (900 killed in 1349) than the yanks (a mere 7 killed in 1929). The GM then said that we could expect severe, scary shiggy and blood and that there were no short cuts, and promptly packed us off down the hill. 

Le Paque, such as it was, quickly lost Velcro Lips, never to be seen again. Apparently she ran into a late-arriving “Some of us have work to do!” Golden Balls so they returned to the shelter to drink all of the Tsing Tao and eat all of the crisps. 

In the meantime, Le Paque encountered the first of the numerous checks and carried on down the road to another. Here, BJ checked right and found a well concealed path and then I found trail leading up some small steps up to a path running beneath the highway. Le Paque eventually caught BJ, climbed a barrier and found trail leading through the usual tunnel under the highway. 

Another check had us finally starting to climb up through the woods to a multi-check which held us up for a while. BJ was then seen hurtling back down one of the path options, ski poles whirling, yelling “No No! Wild dogs!!” An angry yapping Pekingese-Dachsund cross then appeared behind him only to retreat at the site of Dingaling-in-Tights. (The “No No” was later assumed to be the in-trail but it was in fact the GM’s canine ambush warning.) 

Another path led to a check-back and Dingaling then went off on the first of his many futile Liberace style jaunts into the undergrowth, while the ladies found trail going through the threatened “scary shiggy”; a barely visible path concealed by roots, creepers, rattan and all manner of “merde a toutes les rosbifs” traps. 

We struggled gamely uphill through this jungle nightmare, in which I was accused of plaintively calling “Don’t leave me!” every few yards and BJ launched into his continuous diatribe of “fuck the French!”. Le Entente Cordial was forgotten and I was only keeping up my flagging spirits with visions of the GM choking on my cheese. 

But the numerous checks kept us together with Dingaling only once finding the correct way through. Somewhere in the midst of all this we came across the Haunted House. An abandoned, collapsing former weekend love-nest with a flickering light to be seen within. What was this? An opium divan? A coven of retired Tai Po mamasans? The site of an atrocity where something ended in a smear of blood? Mango and Eunuch sharing a fag and a can of Skol? 

Puzzled, we moved swiftly on only a short while later to discover the scene of a recent massacre. No bodies to be seen, but blood everywhere; on the walls of another dilapidated shack, on the path and in the undergrowth. And HELP daubed in blood, and SCARE in chalk on a tree. WTF?? 

On we went through the shiggy, expecting to stumble into Tai Po hillbilly gin traps and be buggered at any moment, until we made a final scramble up a bank to the Wilson Trail road where I was grateful for a two handed buttock heave up from behind by Radio One and the offer of a pull from Golden Jelly, which I diplomatically declined having cacked my kegs.

With BJ and Dingaling now nowhere to be seen, Radio One steamed off in pursuit leaving Golden Jelly and myself to bring up the rear. From the road up we finally started down some steps and then a steep but open path, some more shiggy, a scramble along a fence and finally onto a disused stone path. 

Despite it being a modern one and not an ancient boulder road, Dingaling later asked me if it had given me an erection? I explained that yes, it had, and this was what I had tripped over, grabbing a newly planted fruit tree to save myself, only to uproot the tree (which refused to be replanted), before managing to escape the scene of the crime.

After this, we re-emerged onto the out trail to retrace our steps to the shelter. Golden Jelly was last back and dubbed Lanterne Rouge; she looked suitably nonplussed, perhaps wondering if her evening was about to take an unexpected turn to romance – but with whom? 

The group then attacked my cheese (which I thought smelled like a rotting medieval French massacre victim and was about to throw to the pigs) and tucked into a collection of the cheapest and worst lagers on offer in Hong Kong (apparently supplied by the absent Eunuch). 

The Circle was lively and entertaining and all agreed that it was a damn fine effort for a first trail, especially for a frog, with plenty of checks to keep us together, a cunning route and a good mix of Fuck Le BREXIT shiggy and runnable trails. Bravo! – Gunpowder Plod

Le Hare: Creme Brulee, Grande Maitre

Le Paque: BJ, Golden Jelly, Gunpowder Plod, Dingaling, Radio One

La Marcher: Velcro Lips

Les Couldn’t-be-Arsed: Electrolux, Golden Balls 

Run 1844, 31 January, Tai Shui Hang

Beyond the Fridge

Velcro sends them out

Velcro Lips was in a pickle. The trail she’d laid at the weekend had been wiped out by three days of rain. And not just any rain. English rain. Cold, miserable, despicable English rain. Now she had to go out and set the run anew in a cold snap that had the high tops of Hong Kong recording sub-zero temperatures. And the waterfront start was bitter with a cold wind coming off the Tolo Channel. So she moved the start to the protection of the local housing estate, where visitor Bob from Australia got more than he’d bargained for in his break from the Sydney heat and decided it was too cold to run.

So the run had been re-set and the small pack set of in, well, small packs. Latecomers Golden Balls and Back To The Future were given short-cut instructions by the hare and were first into the shiggy as the pack messed around in Tai Shui Hang village. The shiggy trail contoured above Ma On Shan then dropped down towards the coast, where the hare had advised those who didn’t want a long run to head back to the start. GB and QT took this option while others headed away from the start for the long on-home along the waterfront. Still others took a creative route with the result that the small pack ran back to the finish from four different directions.

Velcro’s perils were not over, as Mr Jobsworth himself told her to clear off from his housing estate, so once everybody was back we retired en masse to a sort of dead end on the pavement in the lee of the estate where the wind wasn’t quite so biting. A lively circle was made livelier with a chilli (or was it a curry?) provided by the hare as the business was done under a moon that turned pink then deep orange as we saw some tip-top lunar eclipsing.

Hare: Velcro Lips

Runners: Liberace, Eunuch, Golden Jelly, Back To The Future, Serbian Bomber, Golden Balls, QT, Creme Brulee, One Eyed Jack, Geriatric

Non-runner: Bob whose name had something to do with a jockey

Eclipse lager