Ref: HKP SS RN 123456/19

Disorderly Conduct, Noise at Night and Indecent Exposure

Date/Time/ Place of Report: 230010072019 Sheung Shui Division

Informant: CHAN Fat, ID A123245(0) Village Representative, Hok Tau, Tel 2860 0000

Report: Inft reports by phone that between approx 1930 hrs and 2230 hrs on 10 July, an unruly rabble of  gweilos and yellow running dogs assembled at the BBQ pits of Hok Tau and then ran through the organic farms of the valley, opening gates and disturbing peaceful farmers and dogs with cries of “Are U?” and “OnOn” and “Twail!”.

They had also scattered the paths with shredded copies of “A Nerd’s Guide to Hong Kong Tunnels” and “The Joint Declaration”.

This mob were next seen running down Lau Shui Heung Road causing village cyclists, smugglers and green minibus passengers great alarm with their flashing searchlights and loathsome grimaces.

They next greatly disturbed the peaceful market gardeners of Ko Po and Ng Uk Tsuen who were forced to get out of their beds to defend their bak choi crops against the trampling feet of the ghastly foreign intruders.

Some peace was temporarily restored when this cowardly pack were driven into the hills by a 92-year-old villager of Tan Chuk Hang and veteran of the Long March, and his teenage sha pei.

Unfortunately they reappeared in the BBQ pit shelter at about 2030 hrs and proceeded to noisily and drunkenly party and disturb the villagers of Hok Tau Wai with their ribald commentary and raucous laughter.

One old gweilo was observed removing his shorts behind a wall and exposing his ample bottom to the moonlight and the visage of an outraged female village elder hiding in the bushes pleasuring herself.

Action Requested: VR CHAN Fat demands that vigurous police action be taken to identify and seriously prosecute the imperialist offenders

Action Taken: SS Mobile 1 attended scene Code 3 at 2330 hrs.

No suspect persons found.

Informant located who complained that police had woken up the villagers with their siren.

Ambulance called to scene at 2350hrs.

VR CHAN Fat taken to NDH with minor head injury caused by running into PC 1234’s baton which he was waving at mosquitos.

A strange gweilo document was seized in the shelter:

Hare: Dingaling

Pack: One Eyed Jack, Gunpowder Plod, Liberace, Serbian Bomber, Salesman, Velcro Lips, Dram, ?

Hangers On: Golden Balls, Golden Jelly, ?, ?

Divisional Commander Action: clearly a case of Misunderstanding. NFA

Protest Too Much

Preface: A Japanese journalist, arriving at the airport to cover the Hong Kong protests, was hijacked by the GM and dragged along to Geriatric’s run, which was totally washed out by downpours. No two runners did the same trail, but the journalist gamely splashed on, carrying his backpack (which got soaked) and even agreed to write a run report. Here it is, courtesy of Google Translate. Thank you, Anonimo-San!

Thank you very much. This time I joined Hash House Harriers (HHH) for the first time, and I learned that there is such a world. With no rain, it runs around the city with loud noises. I was surprised at the sight at first, but it is a good experience to finish. The beer after that was also delicious. The reason I joined this time is an invitation from Kinkoji. I came from Beijing to cover the fugitive ordinance that is causing a stir in Hong Kong, but when I first met with Ms Kin in charge of introducing and interpreting participants in protests, I was drinking beer at the day. A quick glance at “The shoes, jogging shoes? I would not like to participate in the night hike” was called out. When I asked, “Tonight?” “Tonight.” Preparation also became the first participation in the rain in there.

Well, unlike the mountain walk that I had imagined to join, I ran around while following the landmarks. If it asks, it will be a running club with a tradition for over 80 years. I was surprised that there were clubs in Japan and China, and there were 13 clubs in Hong Kong, and they were running around somewhere in Hong Kong every day. When I return to Beijing, I will also look for a club in Beijing.

While wearing a piece of beer with a glass of sweets on the side, the appearance of the gold small pottery explaining HHH was very charming.  – Anonimo-San

Hare Geriatric

Runners Moonie, Eunuch, Liberace, Catch Of The Day, Anonimo-San, Golden Jelly, Velcro Lips, Radio 1, Tangerine Dream, Serbian Bomber, Creme Brulee, One Eyed Jack, others?

The Snail and the Hare

It was a night when my chest seemed to be broken. It doesn’t mean “I’m going to have a big chest and a shirt torn”, and although I’ve been away from selling pearls for two weeks, my feet are recovering day by day and “I want to run fast” every day I hurried to me. It was an exciting night that I might be able to do a quick jog on the mountain path without using crutches.

I was almost certain to get rid of it, and I did not want to keep everyone waiting, so I headed to the starting point early. The starting point was at Plod’s house. It takes 45 minutes by car from home. I told myself not to drink as much as possible. Apart from listening to what I say. Arrived after 7 o’clock. When I pushed my car into the vacant parking space, Eunuch already stood barefoot on the side.

“Hello Catch Of The Day” Eunuch, a classic in short shorts on a black tank top, waved to me. He shakes his hand even if I am near 1m away.

Velcro Lips and Gunpowder Plod appeared from the roof. Plod didn’t want me to go. “There are no wimps. The road is longer than 5 kilometres. I hope you walk here and come back here.”

I started by saying, “I would not come here if I was going to take a walk”. I could leave 20 minutes earlier than everyone else. Unfortunately I made a mistake on most check points. Most of the check points for this time were road choices, though they were Plod’s, who liked moths. I went in 3 directions at the check point in front of the parking lot but I could not find anything. The voice of the infamous short cut guy (One Eyed Jack? – Ed) was heard from behind when I was serious. I cried “Are you? Are you?” In front of the check point even though I did not see it. Even if you are the first runner, who are you asking, “Are you? Are you?” And he went out into the parking lot. If he saw him not coming back, he would probably find a white powder. I also returned my bag and returned to the parking lot. French and Serbia wines ran from the top of the hill.

After that, about 30 checks were placed everywhere. The course continued to the seaside park across the main road. There are no mountains or bushes in this area, so I had to make a short cut from the main road to the climb road. I came to the top from Bill, but I took some time to check. There were a lot of courses if there were many checks on the way back and forth. There was still a check as to say this. After all, Eunuch appeared, and sometime OEJ and Velcro also appeared in front of the slope.

The road was estimated to be 3 kilometres, but I sweated a lot after a long time. While climbing the last slope, I threw down a lot of small snails, and I felt disgust with the words, “I made a bad word, Minamiu Amida Buddha”, but when I arrived on the roof I saw delicious sausages. I entered and I forgot the snail thing in no time.

Plod makes love at first sight to a Hong Kong woman walking on the road, and calls by car “Let’s go home,” and the woman who went to the movie the next day watch TV on the second floor. It was About 40 movie CDs were placed on the table, saying that GB is “Only a masterpiece, bring it home, like it”. The top of the three kittens looked at the cover. What is this? “Oh, I’m proudly proud that this is a great Pussy.”

The last runner Gerry finally arrived when the story of the story was exhausted.

Thank you Back To The Future, and Plod. Beer was also injected into the blood vessels moderately, and looking at the artificial satellite floating in the night sky, romantically “Mars, wood, Pluto” ended. — Catch Of The Day

Hares Gunpowder Plod, Back To The future

Runners One Eyed Jack, Liberace, Velcro Lips, Eunuch, Serbian Bomber, Golden Balls, Golden Jelly, Geriatric, Creme Brulee

Non-runners Guttermouth, 9 Ignorant Cocks

Roughage to the Rescue

About a dozen runners turned up, mostly in cars at the familiar start near the ancient lady / Bin Mo bridge to experience a trail by a virgin hare (at least for N2TH3), perhaps expecting another One Hung Lo special.

The hare had selected the pagoda with the most mosquitoes, which had the runners itching to go, leaving the hare to search the car park for a late-arriving and lost Back To The Future (or was it Radio 1?). Golden Balls was also a late arrival but was persuaded by a lounging Gunpowder “I already did a walk” Plod to catch up.

The trail followed a familiar route via a couple of open checks towards the hills, which kept the pack more or less together until the trail hit the track near the model plane aerodrome / back seat bonkadrome.

The trail led up through shiggy to another check which led the pack down to the track again and then via another couple of checks and eventually to a long check back to a muddy lake. Back again and around another lake and then up a shiggy track through a thicket (where the hare had an encounter with a ginormous pack of wild boars but which were not seen by the pack).

Then it was down through some graves and more checks on some semi-shiggy paths and finally onto a concrete path winding between market gardens. A couple more checks and then onto a long run in along  Chi Ho Road and back past a graveyard of London taxis and Rolls Royces and home.

First back was Moonie followed by Liberace, Mango Groove, One Eyed Jack, Eunuch and Creme Brulee. Last home was Geriatric.

A rowdy circle was then held (during which the hare revealed that she had a little help from Plod) and the hare’s delicious curry was consumed.  – Mystery Pen

Hares No Rough Stuff with Gunpowder Plod

Runners One Eyed Jack, Liberace, Velcro Lips, Eunuch, Serbian Bomber, Golden Balls, Golden Jelly, Geriatric, Creme Brulee, Mango Groove, Moonie, Radio 1, Back To The Future

Non-runners ??

Strange Encounters

Swearing at campus I run down the hill to the MTR. The school buses always decide to take a half-hour break just when you need them. Getting to Shatin I take the bus assuming I will be setting off at least half an hour after everyone. Dashing into the park – to my surprise we still have not started running. Liberace is lost as usual, struggling to find the starting location, but we set off running without him. Stripping into my running clothes, I set off quickly, catching up with Golden Balls and Stingray. However I quickly realise I’ve put my shorts on the wrong way. Stopping, hiding from One Eyed Jack’s creepy stares, I reverse my shorts. Clothes in the right direction, the running commences in earnest.

Following the nullah on the right hand side we come across a check. Going left I hear what I can only describe as the most vicious canine that ever existed. I ask Stingray to come check with me. He quickly pushes No Rough Stuff under the bus and runs away in the opposite direction. Turns out the vicious canine is chained up and it’s a dead end anyway. Finding the correct trail we weave through the village, pissing of locals with cries of Trail and On On!! Eventually the village endes and the shiggy begins. The trail leads us through a typical New Territories area of tall grass, graves, small houses and dogs. At the base of the hill I look upwards to see some light shining on the side of the hill. I ask One Eyed Jack whether it’s a hasher or some lost sod. He informs me Catch Of The Day had left early and is doing the run on her crutches. The group splits up with Stingray, One Eyed Jack, Radio One, and myself going for the full run and the rest turning back. Passing the mad Japanese woman, attempting to penetrate the hill with her crutches, we get to the top of the ridge line. Unencumbered by dogs and checks I run ahead and lose everyone.

The run continues along the top of the hill. The view down into the city is fantastic. One could almost call it breathtaking, assuming one had been punched in the stomach and lost one’s breath while looking at the view. Abiding by the laws of physics (Fuck you Newton!) the trail eventually goes down. One final check in a village sends me left. Wandering through the maze of houses, the trail spits us out by the nullah once again. Predictably the trail leads us to the loving embrace of cold beer, hot food and above-room-temperature wine (Fuck you Gibbs!). Next rambos in are One Eyed Jack, Stingray, Radio One and Liberace, roughly in order of arrival. Liberace tells us to pick up the Mad Kamikaze Cripple at the base of the hill. He and the Walky Talky set off in the van to try and get the Bloody Minded One.

So a quick review of the wimps misadventure. Golden Balls did a short walk around because he cannot get wet. Something about being Frankenstein’s monster and the glue will fail causing his limbs to fall off. Side note to the side note: GB also saved the day and got beer due to Eunuch not being able to make it. Velcro Lips and No Rough Stuff walked a fair way up the hill before saying fuck this and going back. Not entirely sure what Dram and T-Bird did but it did involve not going up the hill. So at the precise time of “bloody late” we recovered the Grand Mattress. Holding to the Bushido code she refused liberace’s van, safe choice, and finished the run. Liberace went home due to it being officially “bloody late”. The circle was completed like a 10-year-old completes his homework, without desire or care.

Down downs:(What I can remember)

69K for personal circle

GM for causing a late start

69K for personal circle

Possibly Sam Miguel and myself. Her for being dressed as a cougar myself for being young

69K for personal circle

Stingray for being a coward

69K for personal circle

Liberace lookalike for being able to unable to read a map

69K for personal circle

Fartypants for wanting to go to bed

69K for personal circle  – Green Head Penis

Hare Walky Talky

Runners Dram, T-Bird, Velcro Lips, No Rough Stuff, Radio One, One Eyed Jack, Stingray, Liberace, Catch Of The Day, Green Head Penis, Golden Balls

Non-runners Fartypants, Golden Jelly, 69K, Sam Miguel

Bucket Eunuch failed so Golden Balls attempted to get beer and dropped it all in the road while attempting to carry several crates at once

Running for Office