Run 1827, 11 October, Luk Keng

A Biscuit or a Cake?

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This weeks run was billed as a QT special, but given that Mr QT had to practice withdrawal as he was busy “ripping out a bedroom”, the magical and mysterious Catch Of The Day supported by fellow Japanese Spaniard Juicy Sushi stepped in to set a run from the pagoda at Luk Keng.  What a great place to set a run, lots of trails, beautiful and scenic countryside and relatively easy to get to. Turning up at the start, this weeks scribe, accompanied by Geriatric, was met by the two hares as well as Stingray and a couple of visitors from the Sek Kong Hash, Miss To and Riva. Apparently Catch Of The Day got Geriatric rather stimulated as she misinformed those present that said visitors were in fact virgins. Now we do like virgins, especially if they are wearing clean underwear, but I digress. The start time, advertised as 7.30pm, is there for a reason, and given that it was a COTD run then it would have been pertinent to start on time, expecting a ball breaker of at least an hour and a half. That being said, Stingray, in his capacity as most senior committee member, decided to wait for Eunuch to arrive, even after the likes of Dingaling and Mango had told him that it doesn’t look like Eunuch is going to show up.  After waiting until 7.33pm Mango urged the hare to describe her markings, the most important of which was: if you see a T go back to the check even if it is a kilometre away.  All of the pack took notice of this advice, except Liberace, who showed up late and ran around like a headless chicken, not even making it out of the village (what’s new?).

So off we went, up Luk Keng Road and left into the village, passing the playground and some large but friendly dogs. Penile Dementia led the way calling trail, with Crème Brulee and Golden Balls closely behind. As we ran past the wonderful smelling lady of the night flowers, Dingaling kept going all the way along the path until we came upon a T.  Remembering the hare’s advice, we worked our way back, occasionally diverting off any partial trail, before finding paper leading up onto the Wilson Trail. Bugger, should have worked that one out, as the now slimline and fit looking duo of One Eyed Jack and Golden Jelly led us up the first section of the hill until we came upon another check. It didn’t take long to solve this check as Dingaling had worked out that we should be going upwards for a bit before turning leftwards. However, the next check had the FRBs totally stuffed as they foolishly headed up for a quite a distance before returning only to find trail off to the right. It was along this intense shiggy section that One Eyed Jack Lost his spectacles after bumping into a tree branch, but not to worry as he soon regained his sight only to have Golden Balls run over him. Nice trail followed up and around the hill contour, before a check, drawn on a grave, had a few of us fooled. Penile Denentia eventually worked out that we had to go up and over before descending onto the steam bed. As we came off the stream bed a short climb up and into more shiggy followed before another check that took us left and onto a few steps. A check back here fooled nobody but Golden Balls, who decided it was a check and spent the next 5 minutes wallowing in evil smelling mud as the rest of us ran down and onto the T that we had found at the start of the run. A short run to the pagoda, a pan handle type of run, with everyone back in just over an hour. As usual, we all had different versions of the trail, especially Liberace, but nobody cared cos the beer was nice and cold.

Having arrived back in relatively good condition, Mango, after his brief visit to the UK, quickly dived into his rucksack and pulled out a triple pack of Jaffa Cakes. Dram et al. debated whether a Jaffa cake is truly a cake or a biscuit. Of course, Mango, being something of an expert on all things Jaffa cake related, had the answer: “They are cakes because I found them in the biscuit section at Tesco.”  After happily consuming our Jaffa cakes it was time for the circle, led by stand-in GM Stingray. In his usually unrelenting style, Stingray gave out down downs for all manner of crimes, and then just as he was finishing up the circle descended into complete madness. It was a sight to behold as every man and his dog attempted to give out down downs, not a problem as the N2TH3 live for this sort of rebellious behavior. As the circle worked its way to a natural end and various announcements were made, it was time to go home. Must say this was a brilliant run set by COTD and Juicy Sushi. It is evenings like this that make the N2TH3 what it is.   – Mango Groove

Hares: Catch Of The Day, Juicy Sushi

Runners: Mango Groove, Dingaling, Penile Dementia, Golden Balls, Creme Brulee, Stingray, One Eyed Jack, Golden Jelly, Dram, Geriatric, Miss To, Riva, Liberace

Non-runner: T-Bird

Run 1826, 4 October, Sui Wo Road

Full Moon Fever

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The moon has a radius of 1737km which means that if it was covered in moon cakes there would be 7,579,128,528,000,000 moon cakes on the moon.

Hare Golden Jelly, Sui Wo up above Sha Tin … nice view but there’s too many clouds … difficult to count those moon cakes. What’s that 11 doing in the briefing markings? Oh, it’s a check back.

Up the Hill, By the Light of a Magical Moon, back down the Hill. That was it. Quite a few steps really. Certainly more steps than checks.

About 5.6km for the rambo run. At 5-metre spacing that would have required 1,120 moon cakes to set the whole run in moon cakes.

Difficult to write on on or check back with moon cakes … but then there wasn’t many .. on ons that is … and hardly any checks … except for that check back at the start that pissed us about for like 10 minutes … the time it takes to eat a quarter of a moon cake.

If you believe they put a man on the moon, it would have taken him ages to eat all those moon cakes, even with the reduced gravity. It took me ages to do the run. It took me ages to eat an eighth of one moon cake.

The Astronauts on the Moon Mission were in no particular odour or order Golden Balls, Dingaling, Eunuch, Crème de Flo … the French for moon cake is gateau de lune, in case you were wondering … some young girls, who hung lanterns round the pagoda. One caught fire.

Ground Control was left in the slippery hands of Walky Talky and Fartypants and 2 bottles of wine, whilst the heartbeat of the expedition was monitored by One Eyed Jack.

The police … giant steps are what you take, walking on the moon … kept the massed crowds back while the GM2 dispensed further moon cakes … oh yes, never put a frozen cucumber in the microwave for more than 5 minutes (come again? – Ed) … and there was eventually a nice lamb lantern which in fact turned out to be a rabbit, while among the crowds of moon gazers who invaded our space, or space invaders who invaded our moon, was a lady with a lobster on her head … all a bit confusing.

We await the photographic record of the full moons and the decision … is it moon cake or a cheese cake?  – Stingray

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Hares: Golden Jelly, Back To The Future

Runners: Creme Brulee, Eunuch, Stingray, Hard Up, Velcro Lips, Dingaling, One Eyed Jack, Golden Balls

Non-runners: Walky Talky, Fartypants

Special thanks to Tom Petty (1950-2017)

Run 1825, 27 September, Sha Tin Wai

Passing Water

LSW 2135 Sha Tin Wai 170927 7.05km
GPS of rambo trail by Hopeless

Oranguwank’s joint run with Little Sai Wan started at the same place near Sha Tin Wai station as Liberace’s infamous “Piss in Bucket” run a few weeks ago, but this time there was no little punk poisoning the water. Eight NNTers showed up and maybe 15 from LSW to make a decent sized pack. The hare promised 7km for rambos and 2.5 for wimps. The question on our lips was: how similar will this one be to Liberace’s trail?

It started identically – round the back of the MTR and up the road past the housing estate. But instead of turning right up the steps to the village, trail went on up and left until we hit a barrier and a dark road heading up through forest. As I reached the rambo wimp split, a bit behind TV Tits and a bit in front of Gunpowder Plod, Ms Tits turned round to backtrack, having missed the split. Cue the copper in Plod: “Put that light out! Kill the light! Put that bloody light out!” Always the gracious gent.

​Plod: Five hashers, including Geriatric, Gunpowder Plod, Golden Jelly and TV Tits, assaulted the wimps’ course, which involved climbing two ladders and crossing a dam. Trail then led through a semi-shiggy path directly to a check back with no preceding on on. So, after checking all around and up and down a considerable distance, no trail could be found so they reluctantly retreated back down the ladders and on home​.

Rambo trail continued up the road and then left up a boulder trackway. I figured I was the last rambo and totally out of earshot from the others, but as I plodded on up I was grateful for the hare’s wet shoe warnings, “water” scrawled here and there at standpipes and streams. This boulder trackway went on for quite some distance, up, up, up. Towards the top Burning Lust passed me, no doubt having arrived late. Then I was surprised to emerge on a road. It was Sha Tin Pass.

Fifty metres ahead I thought I saw something with a torch disappear into the shiggy. “Are you?” I called out to Burning Lust, for who else could it be? I could see the torch through the trees, about waist height, but its bearer remained strangely silent until I got closer and realised it was the reflecting eye of a massive boar. We eyed each other cagily, then he shambled off into the forest as I slunk off up the road.

Tight Lips (LSW scribe): Memorable 360 degree  views at the top overlooking both Shantin and Kowloon. Meanwhile, Lost in Translation was muttering something about where was Hopeless when he was needed… as we circled the hilltop looking for the on on. This was followed by endless steps down, which split up the pack a bit (this was when I lost the pack) and finally onto a good contour trail. 

Trail then took the Wilson Trail down towards Sha Tin. I hadn’t seen a single check up to this point (although to be fair the hare had put in some check backs that I hadn’t visited), nor had there been any shiggy. But then an unexpected right turn off the Wilson led to a nice shiggy trail that went down to a forest road. Here, too, was a check, but I knew the way for I was on Liberace’s out trail – who, unsurprisingly, was first back – and had a simple run in to the finish.

Tight Lips: The steep bit at the end that we were warned about by the Hare never materialised. Perhaps that was meant to ward off the slower runners…  but it must have worked because everybody was back by the time I got to the bins. 

LSW were going for their customary on on at the Sha Kok daipaidongs, so Hopeless and Eunuch agreed to conduct a short circle with a handful of down downs each, but as sometimes happens it took on a life of its own and half an hour later we were still going strong. Good run, good circle.

Tight Lips: Thanks for tons of icy cold beers and crisps – set up by NNT side. After combined DD’s by Hopeless, Septic, Golden Balls and a few from the circle, the LSW contingent sauntered across the road to the food market –  although many of​ the NNT hashers remained drinking in the park!  – Golden Balls / Gunpowder Plod / Tight Lips

Hare: Oranguwank

Runners: Eunuch, Penile Dementia, Liberace, Gunpowder Plod, Geriatric, Golden Balls, Golden Jelly, QT, Gin & Vomit, Willy Wanka, Hopeless, Lost In Translation, Comes Up The Rear, Burning Lust, Rooted, TV Tits, Tight Lips, some others…

Run 1823, 13 September, Route Twisk

 

The Chippenfails

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It had all the makings of another disaster. Hare Catch Of The Day, crippled with  a particularly bad dose of clapped-out joints, had set the run two weeks before she left for Hawaii using yellow ribbon, she told us at the briefing in the lobby of the Nina hotel, where we were to leave our bags. These had faded or disappeared so she set the run again, this time with blue ribbon. This had also disappeared or faded. So she enlisted the assistance of a “mystery” hare, one who had not seen the trail before and was to set it live by trying to follow the old markings.

Hashers may be highly intelligent fellows when approached individually, holding down top jobs and driving flash cars, but as a collective they are stupid. Which is why nobody suspected Crash Test Dummy of being the mystery hare, despite him being observed in an animated conversation with the hare away from the pack. Just another tiff, we assumed. And so with the hare explaining the bizarre tape hangings for trail, checks and check backs, and a promise to chalk the room number for B – for indeed it was another Nina hotel finish – on the pavement, six brave souls boarded two taxis for the start.

This was half way up Route Twisk near the Gun Club. Eunuch, Penile Dementia, Golden Balls, Crash Test Dummy, Liberace and Creme Brulee soon found trail that led to a check with multiple options, including a clever check back, heading along the ctachwater, down the road, or down several dead-ends to hovels and shacks, . After 10 minutes Penile Dementia found trail through a fence onto scrubland and eventually a quite definite, fresh flour arrow up a concrete trail. Only then did it dawn on the pack that Crash Test Dummy was not among them!

So the five pushed on up the steps, past the usual suspicious villagers going “Bin goh?”, and onto a nice rising dirt track. After some time, Chuen Lung was reached and the pack short cut across the river, fortuitously finding trail on the other side. Goldn Balls, who had fallen behind on the ascent, could hear the calls on the other side of the river but couldn’t find the way across because it was all a bit tricky and there was of course no trail. A couple of villagers came out to tell him there was no way across, and then a friendly one said “Follow me”, and led him on a mazy route through the shacks and on to the main Chuen Lung Road where, lo and behold, there was a check!

Meanwhile the other four had pushed on through some marshy stuff and an obstacle course of overgrown rubbish onto trails east of Chuen Lung, where they lost trail. GB, coming up the rear, found it and he and PD pushed up through dense and trackless forest as the frantic wailings of Liberace (Are you?!) faded into the distance. For a downhill run this was bizarre as we were now above Chuen Lung and still climbing. Eventually Creme Brulee, Eunuch and, after a while, Liberace resumed their places at the front as trail became more runnable. Just before the run’s high point Creme Brulee slowed to a walk to allow Eunuch to push ahead. Then it was the red-brick steps down, 715 of them, followed by more steps past temples and the like, and before we knew it we emerged into the air-conditioned Discovery Park walkway to the MTR and on home to the hotel.

The hare was waiting but no Velcro Lips, who was supposed to be bringing drinks and ice. Her jalopy had broken down on the highway and the poor lass was stranded. “Nobody was concerned about me,” she sniffed plaintively later on. “But Velcro, we were concerned – about the beer,” came the reply, and so PD went out on a 7-Eleven run for reinforcements. One Eyed Jack was also there making a first welcome appearance since his surgery. Meanwhile COTD produced a bag of black bow ties, which we were required to wear shirtless and provide the ageing hare with what presumably was her own private group of  Chippendales. One for every mood. Down downs were awarded, cheesy comestible consumed, and, high above Tsuen Wan, the moon rose courtesy of Eunuch.

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Hares: Catch Of The Day, Crash Test Dummy

Runners: Creme Brulee, Eunuch, Golden Balls, Liberace, Penile Dementia

Non-runners: One Eyed Jack, Velcro Lips (honorary)

Run 1821, 2 September, Tsuen Kam Au

The Saturday Run No.14

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Tai Mo Shan in the Summer? Good idea, nice and cool. The pack gather at a barbecue site opposite the bottom of Tai Mo Shan Road but…no sign of the Hares and no markings; ominous…
So two of our geriatrics, Gunpowder Plod and Penile Dementia, decide to start early and disappear wheezing into the mist. Finding a check on Route Twisk, they find trail heading down into the country park and then encounter the exhausted and bedraggled hares Stunt Double and Hoover struggling back up the road, who point them further on down to another check.
Here exhaustive checking into the woods produces nothing and they part company. Plod finds trail up into the woods but PD is gone, only to pop up in the most unlikely places to confuse the following pack during the rest of the run.
Meanwhile the cunning Plod solves the next two checks in the wooded hills and re-emerges onto the road and another check. Here he discovers trail descending almost vertically down through the shiggy to god knows where. “Bugger that!” says Plod and finds the original path descending more easily further down the road.
Descending further down here through typhoon-felled trees he is caught by FRBs Red Rump, Mango Groove, Dingaling and the smaller of the two visiting US Marine Corps ladies, Jane. By now the shiggy trail is traversing a steep and slippery drop into a rocky stream and neat footwork is required to avoid disaster.
Arriving at a check on a dam, Plod is caught by Marine No 2, Whorer the Explorer. After finding the trail descending ever more steeply through yet more suicidal shiggy, Plod decides to abandon and short cuts for home across the dam onto a nice contour path. Whorer followed panting behind him. “What kind of Marine is this?” Plod wonders and discovers between gasps that she usually drives a Hummer everywhere and perambulation is not her forte.
They soon discover the trail joining the contour path from the depths of the valley and shuffle on home, eventually overtaken by the FRBs – although the determined Red Rump manages to run round most of the trail again before realising his mistake. – Gunpowder Plod

Hares: Stunt Double, Hoover, Hoover’s nephew the international orienteer

Present: Dingaling, Dram, Eunuch, Luk Sup Gow, Mango Groove, Oranguwank, Penile Dementia, Gunpowder Plod, Beer Tits, T-Bird, Velcro Lips, Red Rump, Yummy Mummy, Whorer The Explorer, Jane from Okinawa, Alyssa from Okinawa, Dan Henry, Antiseptic, Ruth, Travis, Paul…any others?