Hareline v.1

Here’s the hareline for the next few months. Runs with a tick beside them are confirmed, i.e., the hare has agreed to set it. No tick means the hare hasn’t confirmed yet. A few runs towards the end of the schedule are tentative at best and have been marked “doubtful”. You can put in for these dates if you have a mind to – GB.

NNT Hareline 2013
Run No.
Dec 5
Dec 12
12.12.12 Pub Run
Dec 19
Dec 26
Golden Jelly
Boxing Day, mulled wine
Jan 2
Velcro Lips
Jan 9
Jan 16
Jan 23
Jan 30
Mystery hare
Birthday run
Feb 6
Feb 13
Gunpowder Plod
CNY holiday
Feb 20
Big Moany
Feb 27
Mar 6
Luk Sup Gow
Cross-border: visa alert!
Mar 13
Mar 20
Mango Groove
Mar 27
Hard Up / Chris Higgins
Apr 3
Eve of Ching Ming
Apr 10
Walky Talky
Apr 17
One Eyed Jack
Apr 24
All The Way / Tang Dream
May 1
Golden Balls
Labour Day
May 8
May 15
May 22
QT / Gloria
May 29
June 5
Catch of the Day

Report: Run 1557

You’ve Been Tagged
By Gunpowder Plod with input from Mango Groove

The latest tramp juice

Nobody volunteered…a dramatic re-enactment. 
The location was decreed by the GM in the absence of the Hare Raiser and Hare as Plod’s Pagoda II, Nai Chung bus terminus, Sap Sei Heung. 
Plod: collected a damp WhySoSyria from the Sai Kung kindergarten and drove at a sedate speed to the Start only to realise that he had forgotten flour and chalk and only had 1/2 a bog roll in his car survival kit along with machete, Glock 23, kukri and space blanket. What to do??
WhySoSyria: speechless after sedate ride to start.
Stingray: No worries, I always keep chalk, flour and bog roll in my boot; produces soggy shopping bag (biodegradable) with 360 bits of broken chalk and a 1/4 bag of self-raising from Harrods.
Eunuch: arriving with 240 cans of assorted beer and softies flying around loose in his boot and 1/3 bag of ice and a spaced out Mango clutching the grab handles, Eunuch not being a sedate driver like the GM.
Briefing by GM: gimme the stuff, gimme 1 minute, I will run for 5 mins. 
Hare No 1 Plod: Off he goes and the pack dig out a fizzy beer each and wait for 10 minutes to give the old codger a head start. GM hides behind a tree a mile away, waiting for 5 minutes for the pack, led by:
Hare No 2 Stingray: found lurking under a flyover a mile away by
Hare No 3 Mango: proving that the most intellectual and best educated among us are also the least endowed with common sense, it takes the pack 15 minutes to find 2 checks inside the first 100m but no effing trail! Plod eventually encounters a lonely Mango returning from where he had doubled back on the out trail. “OK…great. I completely made a cock-up of the trail…leaving a very upset Stingray and a remarkably happy Eunuch…”  
Hare No 4 Plod: buggers off leaving Mango to round up the pack and lays a stimulating and well laid trail over footbridges and through villages back to the start.
The circle: with Mango claiming to be off booze due to ulcers and everyone else driving, WhySoSyria was designated Universal Lookalike and had to drink all 6 cans of warm, fizzy Skol down downs. “The best part of last night’s ‘run’ was the stimulating post-circle discussions on religion, masturbation and Stingray’s Penguins…”

5.2km, 58 minutes 

WhySoSyria – not amused

Next week’s run: Stingray

Report: Run 1556

The Loneliness of the Long Distance Hasher

By One Eyed Jack

21 November 2012
Tai Tong
Hare: Dram
Waxwork of Dram on display at the start
Got to the start of the run and found out I was the only hasher present. Dram told me to go down a path and I would find trail and gave me two sticks of damp chalk! It was now drizzling quite heavily and the start was shrouded in low misty clouds. Anyway I did go down the hill and found some essence of chalk in the form of a slimy streak. Being such a kind and helpful front runner I proceeded to re-mark the trail for any latecomers. The trail went down the road, across into the barbecue area and then east and down the path. After a short distance, I noticed an arrow to the left and trail was found disappearing up a drainage ditch, only to find a check-back. Strange how the most visible marking thus far ended up at a CB!! Back to the trail and on down. At this point, a ghost appeared out of the gloom, it was making some strange sounds: “Eeagh, Eeagh, Eeagh.”
On down the trail to the bottom, followed by the ghost, then on right along the path upstream. Lo and behold another two apparitions joined my group. One with a limp and the other mumbling about the rain; possibly he had some connection with religion. Anyway, onwards and upwards to a check.
The obvious route led up the steps back to the start, up and up the trail went to an eventual on-on, a couple more checks and down onto the road, where again the obvious route was right. Two of the disembodied ghosts went left.
First back, and finally another ghost in the shape of a Michelin man appeared and ran towards the bucket.
Jubilant shortcutter winner One Eyed Jack
Next week’s run: Stingray

Notice: Run 1556

Tai Tong

Hare: Dram
Date: Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Time: 7.30pm or thereabouts
Place: Pergola next to the car park at the Tai Tong entrance to Tai Lam Country Park

Get there by car: Take Yuen Long Highway to Shap Pat Heung Interchange. 400m after the interchange turn left on Tai Tong Road. Follow Tai Tong Road for about 2.5km through village development then uphill on Tai Tong Shan Road to open picnic areas. Turn right into car park.
Get there by public transport: MTR to Yuen Long West Rail station, then taxi.

Cross hairs mark the spot on the maps.

Report: Run1555

(Extreme) Cheesy Wotsits

14 November 2012
Hare: Golden Balls

The hilarious sight of local boy and ace short-cutter One Eyed Jack getting the first check wrong after having short-cutted to it set the tone for the run. Trail went from the hare’s gaff along the spooky path where the hare gashed his face up three years ago and out to Castle Peak Road, then down to Tai Lam Chung Road, where Mango Groove was heard to declaim that we were running past the little park where Eunuch had dressed up as a witch in that fetching little black number for Halloween 2006, and did he still have it?

Eunuch leads the way
He was declaiming to a different tune minutes later, when at a five-way checked he’d gone up the hill and announced no trail to be seen, leading to at least 10 minutes of milling around until the hare put the pack out of its collective misery and showed the way across the bridge and into the shiggy. Mango’s plaintive bleat (“I’m friggin’ innocent! There was nothing here before!”) could be heard all across the valley as the pack climbed up through the trees and brambles, sans a confused-looking Gunpowder Plod, who arrived five minutes later muttering something about a troll hiding under the bridge. Aloft, a longish trot along a catchwater road led to the rambo / wimp split, with the wimps going down the road back to Mango’s ballsed-up check (and accounting for the presence of the hare, to mark the wimps trail off it). Meanwhile, the rambo trail went into a tunnel infested by giant fruit bats that whooshed past heads, wreaking psychohavoc. Plod, who hit the tunnel alone, complained of strange plopping sounds in the tunnel that put the shits up him, but it was the considered opinion of the pack that the plopping sounds were Plod dropping jobbies as he ran through. Eunuch twisted his ankle in the tunnel on a hateful bit of flat and limped back after front running most of the way to that point. The second half of the run went into shiggy above Tai Lam prison, along a ridge and down by way of a bamboo tunnel and more shiggy to the same village as before, and then back via another village to the finish on GB’s rooftop, where awaited a spread of bread, cheese, salami, grapes and fruit cake, washed down with all manner of wine. Mango emerged on the roof first, arms held aloft in triumph, but the nimble Stingray
slipped between his legs to claim victory, much to Mango’s chagrin, and put himself firmly in the lead of the N2TH3 “league table”, devised by himself. Meanwhile, as the pack rolled in, it became apparent that newcomer Eliot was nowhere to be seen. The pack showed its usual lack of concern for the lost by ripping into the goodies and booze, farting and laughing boisterously. Luk Sup Gow, Beer Tits and Young Phil had turned up, as well as Fartypants to up the flatulence quotient. The hare had just loaded up on roadies and was about to set out to look for Eliot when the lad emerged from the stairwell with tales of derring-do from the dark hills (he fell over). Plod and Mango conducted the circle as the Siu Lam sky was peppered with popping sparkling wine corks – yes, sparkling wine down-downs.

Notice: Run 1555

Cheese alert! This week’s run, chez Golden Balls, offers a chance to polish off the cheese left over from GB and Golden Jelly’s “108” party last week. The hare will put out cheese, wine, crusty bread and other tasty comestibles for those willing to make the trip to darkest Tuen Mun and the fine rooftop vista.

Run 1534
Date: Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Place: Siu Lam Marine Police Base, Block J
Time: 7.30pm-ish
Hare: Golden Balls
Get there by car: drive along Tuen Mun highway (Route 3) until you reach Siu Lam interchange. You’ll see a marine police base and a geodesic dome by the sea. Turn onto Castle Peak Road in the direction towards, Gold Coast and Tuen Mun, then take the first left (50 metres from the roundabout. Follow the tree lined avenue then turn left up the ramp after 200metres. Block J is straight in front at the top of the ramp. Parking available.
Get there by public transport:
Bus 61M from Tsuen Wan MTR (Exit A3, walk through Nan Fung Centre then cross Castle Peak Road on aerial footway)
Bus K51 from Tuen Mun West Rail station
Bus 962 from Hong Kong Island
The map…

And finally…
Sek Kong Hash were outraged yesterday by our “criminal defacing” of their mural last Wednesday at Leafy Glade. So here it is again.


Run 1554, November 7, 2012
Hare: Golden Balls

It was US presidential election day, and to mark this historic event we present a dramatisation – by Bogbrush

Hi. Tonight we are covering the election of one of the world’s most powerful men…….
and I understand from our correspondent on the G-Spot that he is about to begin to
undress his audience.
First, I want to thank all my supporters who were misguided enough to support my re-election.
(Applause) We can work together to make the world a better place. I swear on my Carlsberg that I will leave no check unmarked to help you all move forward.
No check unmarked. No check unmarked.
No hasher will be left behind.
No hasher’s left behind. No hasher’s left behind. No hasher’s right behind
Together we can overcome any obstacle, any shiggy, any shaggy.
Yes, we can. Yes, we can. Give me a can. Lob over a can. Carlsberg can. Carlsberg can.
What about the Batty Boys?
There are no Batty Boys on my hash. Stand up straight in the circle. Arms by your side.
Move at least two inches from the person next to you. There must be daylight.
Only two inches. Only two inches. That’s ree dick ulous.
Down Down for interrupting the GM. Knickers down down.
Down Down – Down Down! Give me a down down. I want a nickers down down.
Gunpowder Plod. November 7. He’s only two days away from being a terrorist.
Hear me oh yea. Hear me oh yea. I swear on the New Testicles.
Hear him oh yeah. New testicles. New testicles.                                                                                      
I have no connection with my famous ancestor. He was an unmitigated failure.
You are not denying you are related to him then. So, there
Arrest that Stingray. He’s a Hong Kong Hash implant.
Get off my arm. My shoulder’s frozen. (Muttering) Dogs – Taxis – Taxis – Dogs
No excuses! Give him a Carlsberg. That’ll warm him up. We all need warming up. Light the blue touch paper Guy. Don’t fail again. You’ve had enough chances. it’s been hundreds of years.
(Speaking with a pronounced Scottish burr or is it bare or bear) Light it. Blow ‘em all up begorrah. Sassenach oppressors. Freedom for the Scots. We want an independent Scotland.
Quiet all Wimps. Only Rambos are allowed to speak. I have spoken.
I’m a Rambo. I demand a voice. And I (boos) …. And I ….(More boos)
You’re less than a Wimp. You’re not GM anymore. So there.
You’ll get it in a minute. (His face contorted in impotent rage), Equal rights for the disabled.
(Spluttering) What are you talking about man? (splutter) You didn’t do the run. You have no right to blather on.
 You Scotties can never agree. Independence! Pah! When Portsmouth win the Champions League.
All Scotch in the circle. (Hollywood flourish) I mean now, now. And MSG. Food additives will be next.
DRAM and ONE-EYED LACK walk sheepishly, eyes cast down,  into the circle.
Yes GM. The union. Up the GM. (Muttering) Stick it up the GM. The union. La Union. Angeles. Pattaya. Walking Street. Angeles.
Angeles. Wanchai. Walking Street. Down Down. Get ‘em down down. Wait while I take the blue pill.
That’s Status Quo from the seventies. I’ve got a blue pill you can have. Ever since the wedding, I don’t need them anymore.
Wake up GM. Wake up! The circle’s over.

What happened? (Rubbing his bleary eyes) Where am I?


Here at Leafy Glade the Hash is over. Let’s hear from our correspondent, BogBrush, what happened.
OK guys – I mean hashers – let’s get serious. This was a formidable, technical hash. Bear witness to MANGO GROOVE

Too long for me. I’m more used to doing lengths of the swimming pool.
We started across the road from Leafy Glade. Took a left along the road and then a right into the village on the opposite side of the road to the Glade. One path merged into another as the intrepid hashers solved every cunning check devised by the history mare. First, MANGO lumbered into the lead. At the next check, WALKIE TALKY slinked to the front. Then STINGRAY with the crazed eyes of a man on a mission, bulldozed his way to the lead. Finally with an ironic quip of “ Thanks guys for marking the check.” EUNUCH hopped to the front.  Meanwhile, with his metronomic stride sounding like an old grandfather clock, GUNPOWDWDER PLOD waddled along in the baggage train in the van – never too far away. “I did a hundred kilo crawl this morning.” he bleated vainly. Yours truly was trailing the main pack of grizzled Hash veterans by a sliver while somewhere in the background was the eerie presence of the mystery hare with his rhythmic slurping of the amber liquid like waves lapping on a ghostly hash beach.
Anyway, the trail meandered down to Ping Long  Village and then the pack crossed over the Lam Tsuen Rood and returned by a circuitous but oft-travelled route back to Leafy Glade.
You haven’t mentioned Dram.
Well, if the inverse of the mystery hare is the hystery masher then that person was DRAM. Just like a Scot at the end of a night’s drinking, he managed to do a disappearing act. He is
adamant he did the WIMP’S but when the mystery hare was confronted with the question:
“Where was RAMBO’S – WIMP’S split? – He just chuckled, mysteriously, and DRAM had disappeared before the answer came. 

Any more down-downs from the floor.
That’s the end of this hash mission.
Wait. Wait a minute. Honour to the brave victor. With a late surge STINGRAY crawled over the finish line, his trembling hand outstretched for his slurp of life-giving Carlsberg.
That’s definitely the end of this transmission.
The lightning-fast Eunuch smells beer

The AGM: The Truth

By Mango Groove

October 31, 2012
Now then… now then… now then!!!!  It was a Wednesday evening and the run was set by the outgoing GM One Eyed Jack, who decided upon the start being at Lai Chi Shan opposite the Thai restaurant.  After quite a long walk from the MTR the turnout was looking good with about 15 or so runners including a few returnees. As Dingaling arrived drama ensued as Sam (aka. Battydog) decided to head-butt a passing taxi, dislodging the right side of the bumper in the process.  Not to worry as the old bill, in the form of Gunpowder Plod, took charge and after some hugs and kisses approximately 200 dollars were exchanged and we were ready for the off.  The GM gave some instructions about his version of markings including some check-backs and end of trails, and after the usual moaning and cursing we ran back down the road to the first check.  Hard up and Walkie Talkie got the first check correct as the trail went leftwards heading for the fancy housing complexes near Ma Wo.  Good to see Farty, Salesman, Desperate Dan and Chris Higgins running again…just like 1997!!!  Anyway we sort of did a ridiculous loop up and over a small hill, back down the main road and onto a check in front of the housing complex.  The poor security guard didn’t know what to do as shouts of “are you!” disturbed the local Halloween parties.  Anyway trail was found, cunningly running just behind the entrance gate and up onto some nice country trail.  A few more checks had us guessing but the usual smart arses in the form of Dingaling and Eunuch kept us together with their GPS like memories. A couple more checks took us deeper into the nature reserve until a check-back was found…oh bugger…back we went finding trail off into some grass and eventually back onto the Wilson trail.  There were a couple more checks but no-one bothered with these as we headed straight back down to Lai Chi Shan and on home to the Thai restaurant.   
With our super sweaty bodies, two tables were taken and a selection of beers including Tsingtao, San Miguel, and yes Blue Girl were served.  Stingray decided to play out his favourite fetish and made us all wear black shirts, but late arrival Liberace needed no such prompting, turning up as a transvestite complete with make-up and stick on fingernails.  
The food arrived during the festivities and after getting us suitably drunk the GM gave out Downs Downs for the past and present mismanagement positions culminating in the announcement of Gunpowder Plod being the new GM.  The rest of the Committee can be seen elsewhere on this blog, but needless to say this was yet another excellent evening with the N2TH3.
Salesman encouraging good dietary habits
Pictures by Walky Talky and Beer Tits

Return to Splendour

Hong Kong’s most disorganised hash once again shows its colours. Hot on the heels of the AGM, Hare Raiser Golden Balls was confronted with a hare abdication for the very first run of the new term. Yes, it was Serbian Bomber (aka Serbian Bomber Diver Muffmunchenhausen von Ryan’s Express, or something) who pleaded for a third postponement of his run. Previous excuses have included ruptured ankle ligaments, being in detention and not getting his sums right. This time it was something along the lines of “the cat’s done a whoopsy in my beret.” True to form, he revealed his latest abdication at the last minute. It was a stroke of genius, lulling everybody into a sense of avid expectancy. The conversation around the buckets for the preceding few weeks had been dominated by “Is he really going to do it this time?”, “I can’t believe it’s really happening,” and “It’s going to be a survivalist’s shiggy-fest!” Alas, all our hopes were once again cruelly dashed by the master of the anticlimax. But fear not. A new hare line is under construction, and yes, there’ll be a new Serbian Bomber run scheduled, one that will – slowly at first – get tongues wagging, building to an almost unbearable frenzy of anticipation as the date approaches…

Meanwhile, this week’s run has been rescued by a mystery hare, who will set a trail in the fabulously rich hashing locale of Lam Tsuen Valley. The run starts at 7.30pm at Leafy Glade (Kong Yik Store, Lam Kam Road). Park at the Glade, or take the 64K bus that runs between Tai Po and Yuen Long.

It’s the Plod and Mango Show

Last night’s AGM at the Thai Restaurant near Ma Po – complete with appropriate zombie headdresses and natty black shirts – saw the largest turn-out in a long time “elect” a new committee for the next 12 months. As we chowed down on Singapore fried noodles (apparently unavailable in Singapore) and crab cakes with sweet chilli sauce, One Eyed Jack dispensed one-eyed justice and bestowed upon the Hash the following spanking new committee:

Grand Master Gunpowder Plod
Religious Advisor Mango Groove
GM2 Salesman
RA2 Luk Sup Gow
Cash Stingray
Beer Eunuch
Kit Velcro Lips
Webby & Hare Raiser Golden Balls
An incendiary mix. Bring it on.