Run 1570 / Report 1569

Run 1570

Wednesday, February 27, 2013
19th Hole, Fan Kam Road – near Hong Kong Golf Club, Fanling
Start 7.30pm
Hare: Moonie

19th Hole is the unofficial name of the daipaidong eatery at the southern end of the golf course

Run 1569 Report

Local Knowledge
By Moonie

Plod set up a human barrier to stop the excited and baying pack from setting off too soon, much to everyone’s dismay. “
C’mon Plod!!!”   “Let’s get gone!!”   “It’s getting cold!!” (That was Unark……POOF!!)
“There are lots funny markings, ‘cos I’m a bit funny myself” said the Hare and off we went.
Lots of following of strange markings ensued where most Hashers seemed to end up on the wrong trail. Except, that is, Ding-a-Ling, D Ram and One Eyed Jack!! Ding-a-Ling due to the fact that he had been cheating and looking for trail earlier in the afternoon.  OEJ  just doing his normal thing. And D Ram, because while scrubbing the Hares back in the bath, had managed to extract some crucial directions while the Hare was relaxing to a nice vigorous rubbing from T Bird. ………..Cheats!!! The lot  of them. 
So with Ding-a-Ling, D Ram and OEJ, not surprisingly, managing to stay true to the correct trail, and Sting Ray sticking close to them (He’s not as daft as he looks!!) Mango, Hoonack, Moonie and Ding-a-Ling (what are you doing here??) ran around like headless chickens.
So, round n round we went and suddenly…. “Flip!! Theres the Wimps!!”  where Tangerine Dream & Overdue were walking along holding hands!!!!!…………..mmmmmmm….. …and, is that Bogbrush watching from the bushes??! “Youuuuuuu dirty old man!!”
Bogbrush – confused
So its up the Old Gurkha trail we went  *to the sound of a Parrot squawk*  “It’s a check  back, it’s a check back!!”………. and sure enuff………..a Check Back!!!   “See I told you it was a Check Back!!”  (Editors note…..erm… why did you run up there, Yoonark, if you knew??)
Meanwhile, Bogbrush needing some sort of relief and after reading about Plod’s bathing experience at the beginning of this report,  is last seen heading behind the bins  with D Ram.
This on the spot report from hashers Tangerine Dream & Overdue;
We were pottering along, down towards where the others had called  trail and saw the last guys disappear right into some bushes. Trying to find them or the trail was proving too much of a challenge, so we retraced our steps back to the last check where D Ram and Bog Blush were wandering aimlessly around red faced. The mind boggles.’’
Enuff said.
On and On through the village we went, past dogs, villager’s and villager’s pretending to be dogs. Running and walking and all totally confused!! Eventually coming out at Lam Tsuen round-a-bout where we went up into the village again before crossing the road on our second Rambos, Wimps split.
As the Wimps headed home to the beer (“BEER!!!……….mmmmm”), the valiant Rambos continued on the opposite side of the valley where Plod managed to totally confuse the chasing pack numerous times, having to climb over a locked gate at one point!!
Lam Tsuen had never seen the like
Meanwhile……..Whilst the pack continued pounding on through the run, the atmosphere at Leafy was rapidly changing!  
Plod was having a major neck extension when TD and OD said they couldn’t find trail at the bridge and had seen the last runners going off right.  It went something like this;
“You can’t say they have gone down there. There are some F****** stupid runners who will F it all up cos they will F’in well run through checks regardless and not even stay on F’in trail. I set this trail, oh no, don’t, they can’t, why would they, stupid F’ers will F up my run. If they run the F’in trail to Wo Hop Shek, F###!”

“On in” shouts Sting Ray, “I’m the first Rambo back! The best, fittest, most handsome man in the pack!”

Back to the real runners,…….entering the final few metres of this epic Lam Tuen Valley run, Moonie started hallucinating  and actually thought he saw Victim & North n South up on the village path ahead. After a short conversation with a bemused couple  of old Chinese villagers, who obviously thought he was mad, and Unuck laffing his head off, It was on to the sprint finish and home to the beer. 
So, the pack dribbled in complaining of the run length (are they hashers?), pizza whereabouts and severe lack of decent beer.  That was soon sorted as everyone dived into the fridges then Plod bringing a crate of mixed bottles, including Skol (yuck!) for Eunark, and bottles of sprite!! What has become of the hash! POOFS!!

And so, the business was conducted in the usual uncontrolled manner by the GM who, it is fair to say, is rubbish at controlling the circle.
Ahhhhhhh, Beer……… ;oD
The Gurkhas had nothing to do with it

Run 1569 & Report Run 1568

Run 1569

Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Leafy Glade, Tong Min Tsuen, Lam Tin
Start 7.30pm
Hare: Gunpowder Plod

Run 1568 Report

Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Shui Mei, Kam Tin
Hare: Big Moany

Kung Hei Kam Tin
By Velcro Lips

Ooh well it was a lovely daytime run for the Northern New Territories on the Chinese New Year public holiday and the weather was fantastic. On top of that it was Ash Wednesday so the cigars were out (naughty!) and to top it off we could get all girly and wet cos next day was Valentine’s Day. So we’re all waiting there at the Hobbit House park and there’s no hare and no trail.

The hare, Big Moany, hiding from the pack

Lots of confusion and then the GM, who didn’t seem very on the ball at all (he probably thought he was on a Shek Kong  outing because of the sunshine) said we should all move over to the bridge on the other side of the fishponds. Chaos as he tried to rally us for a proper start but half the pack had already started. So we’re going along all these village paths and tracks and Eunuch and Stunt Double keep short-cutting, and the kennel dogs are barking and the kites are flying and it was brilliant.

Eunuch short-cutting through the bog

Then there was the rambo-wimp split and I took the wimps but we could see all the rambos climbing up to the ridge of Kai Kung Leng and disappearing over the top.

Rambos on up

We took an easy walk back to the start but the rambos went down shiggy to Fairview Park and then came back through the villages, with Monkey Sh*te outsprinting Salesman and Eunuch at the finish. Hoover did the rambos, got lost, and Stunt Double got an earful and had to go and rescue her in the car. Thought these people knew how to hash in daylight! Then as we were waiting for the stragglers Bogbrush tossed his not-quite-empty Tsingtao can into what looked like a bag of rubbish, causing howls of anguish from Big Moany as the crumpled cardboard box poking out the top of the bag (his bag of oddments) was actually his cigar.
Dram then decided it was Proclaimers time and blasted the peaceful scene with his cassette tape of the Scotch warblers crooning Letter From America from his state-of-the-art car sound system. GB got in on the act with his own tiny piece of equipment (!) and gave us a dose of Sunshine On Leith. Not satisfied with that he got out some fireworks he’d nicked from Golden Jelly’s farm last night and started letting them off. They were like whizzbangs – Whoosh! Bang! And Hamish and Sam started whimpering in distress. Cruel GB! Loads of kids came over to see what was happening and a Hong Kong hasher on a bike who’d just moved to Kam Tin trundled past, but no rozzers.

After Hoover got back it was circle time with G-Spot, Salesman and Screwless sporting interesting topiary but outdone by Plod wearing a CNY snacks tin on his head and Eunuch sporting a pope’s hat made from a Carlsberg box in his role as the new pope, Improper I.
The sun started to go down and it was all just gorgeous but we couldn’t have an on on because all the daipaidongs were closed so we went home. A fine afternoon.

Some of the pack

Run 1568 – daylight run

Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Shui Mei village, Kam Tin fishponds
Meet 3pm for 3.30pm run start
Start at the park with the little house colonised by a banyan tree – Hobbit House Park
Rambos 1 hour; wimps 20 minutes
Hare: Big Moany


Note the March 6 cross-border LSG run. Visa alert!

Feb 13
Big Moany
CNY holiday
Feb 20
Gunpowder Plod
Feb 27

Mar 6
Luk Sup Gow
Cross-border; visa alert!
Mar 13

Mar 20
Mango Groove
Mar 27
Hard Up / Chris Higgins
Apr 3
Eve of Ching Ming

Run 1567 Report

Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Leafy Glade
Hare: Bogbrush

GM Loses Control
By Why So Syria

The pack huddle on planks over the raging Leafy Brook

It was touching to see the reverence reserved for the GM as the “pack” of five saw Plod stumbling towards the start and decided to bugger off before he arrived.  More stragglers arrived and took off to enjoy the concrete paths of Leafy Glade, until about a dozen runners could be heard filling the night with rowdy braying, gratuitous insults and yelps of pain. 
It was a good job that the start wasn’t delayed – the course was suitable for those training for next month’s King of the Hills or next year’s Green Power Hike. With gradients ranging from 0 to 1.5% and no provision of water or sustenance stops en route it was no surprise that the lead runners limped home after almost 25 minutes, physically wrecked, emotionally shattered and drawing on their last reserves of will-power. If they had not gone out on time it would have been almost 8pm before any beer was supped. The highpoint of the run was balancing on little planks while negotiating drainage and cultivation ditches. I was going to say dykes but did not want to get D-Ram too excited. His desire to offer sperm donations later in the evening probably still stands. The low point was the massive number of howling, yapping, snarling and baying dogs. Has no one in the sticks heard of spaying and neutering?  A short jaunt down a river bed, out to the road and then a total absence of markings completed the run.  
A shortage of beer and Plod’s introduction of a strange and disgusting concoction for down downs was overshadowed by a raucous circle. The GM completely lost control, much like his biking on Saturday. Mango was abused many times, but it’s not his fault he supports Liverpool.  Eunuch finally convinced someone to take him camping over CNY – Moonie, what were you thinking?,  Mango gave three different and all unbelievable accounts of the Green Power Hike. Golden Balls finally turned up mumbling about losing his wallet while being accused of hiding a basket ball inside his shirt. Three minutes later Golden Jelly arrived to take him home. Salesman, One Eyed Jack, G-Spot and Stingray were relentless in keeping the circle open, incredulous that it could possibly be closed before 9pm. Dingaling tried to start a sperm bank, with a surprising number of potential wankers, but quickly shut his trap when Overdue arrived, ceasing to be overdue. Mango proudly paraded his new haircut, I kid you not. I blame the behaviour and lack of circle etiquette on the consumption of three bags of food colouring and preservatives enhanced with some modified corn products.
Mango getting his racy new undercut


Run 1567

Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Leafy Glade, 7.30pm
Hare: Bogbrush

Bogbrush is inordinately concerned about this run. “What sort of run do you want?” he asked plaintively. “I almost killed them when I set that ball-breaker on Tai Mo Shan last time. I don’t want to harm their delicate physiques.”

Run 1566 Report

January 30, 2013
Siu Lek Yuen
Hare: Serbian Bomber

Mystery Dialogue
Cock of the South
For the second week running the run report has not materialized. In its absence we bring you snippets of dialogue culled from the internets and the daipaidongs.
I thought the mystery hare might be Why So Syria, but when I arrived I saw Serbian Bomber beaming like some sort of crazed Jack Nicholson and all the cars trying to reverse away in a mad panic.
[Run happens. Runners climb a never-ending steep trail up and up and up until, hundreds of metres skywards, a ridge is encountered. Then it’s down, down, down and back to the start. Accusations of short-cutting and long-cutting are bandied about thick and fast while the mystery hare grins demonically.]
Serbian Bomber
Hmmmmm…. [puts on sensible voice] Here is Plod’s corrected map using yellow to show where the rest of the runners went on the real trail – clear evidence of flagrant short-cutting by the GM. For the sake of completeness I have added in One-Eyed Jack’s marathonesque extension in red.
Gunpowder Plod
Obviously incumbent GMs have God-given short-cutting talent which is taken away when leaving office.
Serbian Bomber
WOW – did you shortcut or what?!?
I’ve used yellow to show the loop of trail you missed.
Serbian Bomber
No opinion from the RA?
What is this? Some police cover-up? What piscene dodgy dealings has the RA been doing that Plod is now using to exert leverage? Come to that, where has the run report disappeared to? I feel a conspiracy theory coming on. 
Mango Groove
You lot going around with your GPS devices that draw red and yellow lines over our lovely hills are damaging our environment.  I cannot take my fish out for a walk now cos everywhere I look there are thick red lines annotated with LAP1, LAP2 etc, and then if that wasn’t enough others come along and draw thick frigging yellow lines over the red ones and then extend such lines just for added effect. Personally I have no idea where we went, it was dark, and I couldn’t see those red lines drawn by Plod, nor the yellow ones drawn by Serbian Bomber, instead I followed chalk, flour and toilet paper which seemed to do the trick.
ps Anyone know where I can get one of those GPS watch thingies, I want to use it when I’m on the train.
Dingaling short cut for sure. I was ahead of him going up to the ridge and then when we came down he was standing there on the bridge with his dog, not puffed or anything. A screwed-on cert. [Points and screams] Short-cutter!

And so to Bomber’s bombshell ….
Dingaling notches up his first serious points of the campaign
Eunuch and Salesman show they are up for the challenge
Directionally challenged One-Eyed Jack snaps up last place