Run 1579 / Report Run 1578

Run 1579

Wednesday, May 1, 2013 – daytime run
Start 2.30pm
Bride’s Pool Road, first picnic site on the right after the police quarters
Hare: Beer Tits

SP says
There shall be a barbecue and people can bring food if they want to eat
Meet 2pm-2.10pm at Hong Lok Yuen side road
Run starts 2.30pm
The idea for the early start is to get people watered and fed before the sun goes down as the next day is a school day
There’s a pagoda for the inevitable rain for one of my runs

Next hare: May 8, Eunuch
The hareline

Run 1578
Dream Sequence
By Gunpowder Plod

Short run? – in your dreams

The Hare, that beautiful, bouncy bird with the gorgeous giggle (also known as Tangerine Dream) instructed us to meet in the dingy and dangerous back streets of Taipo town, somewhere near where she crams two-year-olds for their HK certificates.

After some discussion, we stuffed our bags into Stingray’s boot and then gathered in a gloomy park to get our run briefing. “It will be a short run,” she says, “with a split; about an hour.” (Lying cow!) So Plod, Stingray, Mango, Golden Balls, One Eyed Jack and Salesman head off along the river while LSG volunteers to help TD get the beer. Not from the nearby Wellcome, it transpires, but half way across town at P&S so TD can get her stamps while LSG lugs the beer.

The trail leads up the hill and through the villages where Mango runs over an old lady, leaving Plod and Stingray to get an earful from her outraged relatives. Then we emerge into the dual-carriageway area to a check where, it later emerges, GB tells Salesman not to call on until Plod has disappeared around a corner far away in the opposite direction.

Then its up to another check where GB, Mango and Salesman all go charging left leaving Plod, OEJ and Stingray to climb up and on. Up and up they go, and apparently GB takes one look at this and does a U-turn back to the start in search of crisps.

Our three trail-blazing heroes, way ahead of Mango and Salesman, emerge at the top and onto the road. At this point, Stingray and Plod decide to stay on the road come what may (as they did last week), but at the many checks this turned out to be the correct option and they left the trailing pack way behind, reaching the split alone. 

Here Stingray decided to wimp out, leaving the rambo to Plod, reluctantly followed by Mango. At the first check, Plod got it right and despite bawling on every few seconds, was way ahead at the top of the lovely shiggy trail over the hill and down the other side. Mango, plaintively calling “Plod, Plod, wherefore art thou you front running bastard” and other pleasantries finally shoved Plod aside near the bottom only to be caught in the villages of effing Lam Tsuen Valley!

For the best part of the next 2K, Mango trailed in Plod’s wake, eventually holding hands, until Plod was rudely elbowed aside by a sweaty Salesman, hotly pursued by Mango, leaving Plod to plod lonesomely on by himself. Nevertheless he managed to overtake a geographically challenged Mango near the finish.

Some short run; 10.6Km and 1Hr 45 Mins!!

Non runners: LSG, Beer Tits, Kerry and Eunuch.

Run 1578 / Report Run 1577

Run 1578

Wednesday, April 24, 2013
Gili Gulu, Po Yick Street, Tai Po Market
Hare: Tangerine Dream

Next hare: Luk Sup Gow, May 1 – public holiday day run
The hareline

Run 1577
A Bridge Too Far

Once again the crappy weather moved in for Wednesday night, this time One Eyed Jack’s run at Mui Tsz Lam. The pre-run deluge meant that OEJ had to go off after the start to re-mark bits of it. As the mosquitoes noshed us in the ungodly humidity of a sopping sitting-out area, Eunuch, Stingray, Mango Groove, Dingaling and Gunpowder Plod – the hard core – were dealt the rather alarming briefing, delivered in OEJ’s sonorous border brogue: “The stream might be a bit swollen. And when you come down off the ridge, turn right. Don’t carry on or you’ll break your neck.” The only alarmed person there was Paul, a formidable runner of yore who had come along to see his buddy Golden Balls, but cited the dubious claim that he’d just given blood as reason not to run. Golden Balls himself had an equally dubious claim, something about a shard of fibreglass lodged in the ball of his foot – and so the Febrile Five set off into the murk.

Soon they came to the stream. Eunuch did his Eunuch thing and just waded in up to his waist. The stepping stones were invisible in the churning maelstrom. Mango tried to jump across and fell in, but the nimble Dingaling managed to get across relatively unscathed. Plod and Stingray stood on the banks, a strange drone of nasal Estuary combined with a sort of huffing and bristling emanating from them before they as one turned around and went for a road run in Ma On Shan, antennae quivering.

Eunuch climbed the hill closely pursued by the grunting hippo of Luton but after they crested it the expected move by the finest downhill merchant in hashdom failed to materialise as Eunuch strode out on the ankle-breaking glissade to finish a few minutes clear. Dingaling, no downhill slouch himself, eventually reeled in Mango on the 2km run-in along Mui Tsz Lam Road. Those three, back around the 70-minute mark, got back several minutes before the road runners.

At the finish, Golden Balls had been joined by Luk Sup Gow in scoffing all the runners’ snacks. The beer esky was suspiciously lightweight. Paul, under attack from mosquitoes who wanted his immaculate Canadian blood, had long gone. We will never, ever see him again.

There was the usual riotous insult-trading and beer-throwing. And then everyone went home like the good boys they are.

Run 1577 / Report 1576

Run 1577

Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Mui Tsz Lam Road, Ma On Shan
Hare: One Eyed Jack

Opposite Chevalier Gardens. Drivers take Mui Tsz Lam Road from Hang Tak Street about 400m and park at the rest garden nears WSD compound. Pedestrians take the MTR to Tai Shui Hang and walk/taxi 1km.

Next hare: Tangerine Dream April 24
The hareline

Run 1576
Face Muff
By Golden Balls

“She’s ill and can’t do it,” decreed Fartypants when I called him on some unconnected matter six days before Walky Talky’s date with destiny. No, not the Hong Kong edition of Dogging With Dylan but something altogether darker, seedier and more demonic: the Northern New Territories Hash hare duty.

And so it was that the Hare Raiser sent out appeal after appeal for a solution to this crisis. Responses varied from the reluctant (I’ll set a run but only from my gaff in the middle of nowhere – the GM) through the sublime (Tag hash at Tai Po Kau Forest! – LSG) to the ridiculous (Get One Eyed Jack to bring his run forward a week – Mango Groove). In the end, with no practical solution in sight, GB decided to set a simple, unrecced trail from the pub. To avoid the likelihood of nobody turning up, he pretended Walky Talky was well again and haring. This combination of birds and booze should get the punters out in their droves. Wrong!

The day started overcast. I’d never seen it so cast. It got more and more cast as the day went on, until the castness did that thing where it becomes wetness. Undeterred, I got to the King’s Belly at 7pm, and in light but persistent rain set off with chalk and flour. No bogroll though. My earlier attempt to purchase a single roll at the supermarket had ended in acrimony when the staff tried to make me pay for the whole pack of 12 after I’d extracted the one I wanted. I fled, bogroll-less.

This in part led to my decision not to go up into the hills of Tai Po Kau. That, and a dodgy lower back that wouldn’t take kindly to sliding around on muddy trails. So I determined to set a simple, urban run celebrating the attractions of Tai Po Market: Up Wan Tau Kok Hill, down to Kwong Fuk Road, nullah path towards new Tai Po, then dodge back to Bobby London, up the alley and back over Kwong Fuk into the shopping centre, more alleys, Gili Gulu, the market street, then up the nullah towards Tai Wo, sneaky checkback and up the hill to the old railway station, then down through the villages past the spacecrafty market and home. 70 minutes out.

Back at the pub Plod and some bloke that had run with us years ago were tucking into fish and chips. “Sick,” explained Plod, and he wasn’t complimenting the food. Then Eunuch appeared with a beer. “Sick,” he offered. Gloria turned up. “I’m doing the quiz,” he quipped. There was LSG. “Family,” he said apologetically between mouthfuls of nachos, indicating Beer Tits and Phil with his Carlsberg bottle. Various sometime hashers could be seen lurking in the shadows. “So who’s doing the run?” Turned out it was Mango Groove and Stingray, and they only set off because they felt sorry for poor Walky Talky setting a run in the rain. Vindication of a sort I suppose.

So we formed a pub quiz team, and it turned out that the quizmaster was the freshly shaven Gloria making his debut. We named our team…

My Face Has No More Muff

Run 1576 / Report 1575

Run 1576

Wednesday, April 10, 2013
King’s Belly, Tai Po
Live run!

The hareline

Next run April 17, One Eyed Jack

Run 1575
The Walking Wounded
By Go West

“Which minibus to the hash?” I asked Eunuch in an SMS.
“26B” came the prompt reply.
Armed with this knowledge, I wandered out of my Tai Po office and starting hunting down the elusive 26B in all the likely places these green minibuses lurk. My 40 minute search continued under Tai Wo station and on to Hong Lok Yuen. Still no 26B minibus. I gave up and took a taxi. As I paid my fare, I noticed the stop was for the 25B minibus. There were no hashers there and it was after 7pm. Had I got the location wrong? I was reassured when I noticed “N2TH3 Start” marked in chalk on the ground.

I then proceeded to get naked and change into my hash gear under the adjacent footbridge – much to the amusement of a passing old hag pushing a wooden trolley. (I thought I had covered my bits quite well – obviously not!)

The first fellow hasher to arrive was Salesman, followed by the Spots and the Balls. Eunuch passed by in his car and I remonstrated with him about the minibus cock-up, to which he just shrugged his shoulders and drove on. After at least 30 seconds consideration of whether we should wait for the hare to return, we set off anyway in a lacklustre fashion towards the VD/Chemical Ali party. We were very tempted to abort the run there, but decided to carry on regardless. The trail led us over the highway and onto the rambos/wimps split. At this point, the ageing pack all started complaining of aching limbs/bad backs etc. and so it was unanimously agreed we would all continue on the wimps trail on what can only be described as a sedate amble. At the finish, we were all disappointed by the lack of beer – was this in retaliation for our laziness? We proceeded again towards the party where the buckets were found on the ground floor and Salesman led the business, eventually breaking the news to the hare, Dingaling, that no one had bothered to do his rambos run. He was understandably inconsolable. The End.

Run 1575 / Report 1574

Run 1575

Wednesday, April 3, 2013
Kau Lung Hang pagoda
Hare: Dingaling

The following day is a public holiday, so Chemical Ali has very graciously offered to host a swarm of smelly hashers at his vodka palace in Yuen Leng after the run. Come along and earn your poison.

Run 1574
The Dog Delusion
By Gunpowder Plod

Run Report by GM appointed by Golden Balls to appoint someone else but who forgot in all the excitement of the evening to appoint said someone else.
1st Draft
We came, we ran a little, we drank and argued about God and went home.
2nd Draft (after prodding and abuse from the N2TH3 Blogger)
A select few turned up for this run in the wilds of north Kam Tin. Gunpowder Plod and WhySoSyria were the first to arrive at the beautiful pagoda to the east of the village reached by crossing either a modern bridge or the well preserved ancient Chinese stone and locally-famed Pin Mo Kiu (“Convenience of Mother Bridge”) adjacent to it. No sign of the Hares or Mother but a large chalk circle with Start inside it reassured us as we huddled together in the dark.
Next a veritable flood of eager hashers arrived in the shape of returnee Gone West (or Come East, I forget), One Eyed Jack, and Eunuch complete with beer, softies, crisps, Pop Pans and altar wine. Sadly, no Golden Balls or Jelly who had gone cycle tour recceing in the PRC, defraying their expenses with powdered baby milk for sale in Shenzen. Fartypants and Walky Talky plus dog Dylan turned up. Inexplicably Fartypants/Dylan was mistaken for Golden Balls by Hard Up. We all agreed that this was an underststandable mistake given that Farty admitted to having  a hard Sevens weekend’s partying, pie eating and beer tasting.
Then the Hares returned from a spot of canoodling in the empty nearby villa. “It will be a short run” says The Hare Formerly Known as Chris Higgins who apparently changed his name to conceal his identity and was promptly given it back again by a sympathetic RA. Everyone cheered at this news except Plod who muttered darkly something about driving all this way from Sai Kung hoping for a good work out.
So off we went and the trail was a fine example of how to lay a trail. Large, strong chalk circles and arrows and plenty of checks to keep us together.  Through the alleyways of the old village to begin with, then around the lake and off towards the hills. Then a bit of shiggy skirting a kennels and out onto a road. Alas the trail then headed back towards the village instead of into the hills and after a long check-back where the Hare had been forced to retrace his steps, we were back on the out trail and home; 27 minutes and 3km later.
After this exhausting exercise, we tucked into the goodies before the circle. Everyone had a down down for something which used up three tins of Skol and then WhySoSyria started interrogating Eunuch about God. This wide-ranging and rather one-sided discussion, with Eunuch bravely defending his position against the unbelieving heathen majority, took up most of the evening and used up most of the alcohol available.

God mocks WhySoSyria
The other hot topic was the recent arrest in Texas of some Hong Kong triad for growing pot, possession of firearms and soliciting sodomy. Wan Hung Lo, who was once duffed up big time by said triad and his mates (while the Sham Shui Po post-1997 cops took their sweet time responding to his 999 call) tracked him down and dropped a dime on him to the Texas Rangers who then SWATTED him and sent him to gaol.
It was pointed out to Chris, however, that he might actually have done his nemesis a big favour as he was probably now getting himself rogered frequently and for free by his new Brothers in the Texas State Penitentiary.

Next run: April 10, Walky Talky