Month: June 2013

Run 1588 / report Run 1587

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Run 1588

Wednesday, June 26, 2013
7.30pm
Leafy Glade
Hare: Dram

Run 1587
On Out, Why So Syria
By Mango Groove

The lofty Why So Syria, cousin to John Cleese

It was a hot, sultry night when the N2TH3 brethren gathered at a pagoda in the eastern New Territories near Chevalier Gardens or, as the locals call it, Tai Shui Hang.

Why So Syria greeted us for it was his first and final stint as hare, as well as his final run, before returning to take up his duties in the Middle East as an operative under deep cover States as a soccer coach.

There was a potential cock-up in that ageing gay bandits Kowloon Hash had run from the very same spot two days earlier. However, the hare confirmed that he had seen no evidence of trail, despite walking over from Sai Kung.

As usual, not too many people were paying attention (in particular Mango) during the hare’s briefing, and they missed this subtle insight.

So off we went, into the village and up the side of a stream, then up the hill, Eunuch in the lead, Mango following. That was the last we saw of Eunuch. His torch went out at the top of the hill and he decided to follow the KH3 trail down to Ma On Shan village and back.

The trail returned down the hill by another path, through the estate, across the river and down the road to a check. This had a devious loop of trail through shiggy. Then it was under the highway, along the side and back via a subway to the bucket.
Plod short cut at the beginning and missed out the hill. FAIL.
Mango kept misinterpreting trail markings as he failed to pay attention to the instructions at the start. FAIL.
Golden Balls took up the rear with a puttering torch borrowed from Plod. FAIL.
G-Spot tried a bit of front running and then failed. FAIL.
Stingray tried to recruit a long-haired Keeganesque Chinaman but failed when he called him Indian. FAIL.
One Eyed Jack long cut. FAIL.
Salesman…FAIL.
Eunuch eventually made it back 45 minutes after everybody else. FAIL.

Verdict: good short run for a sweltering nigh. Temperature was still above 30 when we all fled the sight around 10.

FOYC Why So Syria!!!

Run 1587 / reports Runs 1585, 1586

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It’s been a hectic week for the Northern New Territories, starting with the special run in the newly opened ex-Frontier Closed Area on June 10 (we have a Bogbrush dramatisation to remember it with), followed by the dragon boat racing on June 12 (where we finished 7th in the repechage final), and leading to tomorrow, June 19, Why So Syria’s last run as N2TH3 hare and on-out before he goes back to Septicland.

Run 1587

Wednesday, June 19, 2013
7.30pm
Start: Pagoda at Tai Shui Hang
Easy to reach, car park adjacent.
Short walk from Tai Shui Hang MTR station, Exit B, via subway.
Bus 299 from Sha Tin.

Run 1585

BREAKING WIND ON THE HASHINGTON POST
Dateline Hong Kong, June 10, 2013

                                                                                          

HASH REPORTER
                                    He shrugs when you compare him to Wellington or Nelson,
                                    but many are hailing him as a tactical genius. I am standing
                                    next to General Balls of the Northern New Territories Hash.
                                   
                                                                                          GOLDEN BALLS
                                    It’s G-Balls. Golden Balls to be precise.
                                                                                          HASH REPORTER
                                    We’re standing at the start of this hash triumph in the
                                    Tsung Pak Long Village pagoda near Sheung Shui MTR.
                                    I understand General Golden that if you and your motley
                                    band of hashers had done this hash run yesterday, you would
                                    have run afoul of the Chinese authorities.
                                                                                          GOLDEN BALLS
                                    In the gulags without doubt.
                                                                                          GOLDEN JELLY
                                    We are the first HHH group ever to run in the Closed Area.
                                                                                          N2TH3 HASHERS
                                    Hooray. Cheers. We showed them. Rhubarb.
                                    We’re the greatest. Down with the imposters.
                                                                                          GOLDEN BALLS
                                    The history makers were: Plod (GM), Velcro Lips, G-Spot, Dingaling, 
                                    BogBrush, Desperate Dan, Eunuch, Mango Groove, Salesman,
                                    Walky Talky, Ginger Moon, Dram, T-bird, LSG, Tangerine Dream.
                                    Injured: Farty Pants – thrush; LSG – Gout;  Dram-
                                    Salmon complex disorder. Golden Jelly (SP).


                                                                                          HASH REPORTER
                                    How did you manage to outwit rival hashes?
                                                                                          GOLDEN BALLS
                                    We did what Obama’s Hash couldn’t do
                                    – kept it a secret. Over to my Genetically Modified
                                    Leader – Plod!
                                                                                          PLOD
                                    (Hurrump – Clears his throttle)
                                    When Golden Balls put the plan to me,
                                    I realized the need for absolute secrecy.
                                    Certain measures were put in place.
                                                                                          PLOD (Cont.)
                                    Despite these measures, there was a leak.
                                                                                          N2TH3 HASHERS
                                    It’s yer age. Old git. No control. Incontinent –  etc
                                                                                          PLOD
                                    Hash Silence!!!! Upon arriving at the aforesaid pagoda,
                                    I carefully attached my eye to a telescope that I had
                                    brought halong for the very purpose of spotting likely hintruders
                                    in the form of the Ong Kong Hash and their co-conspirators,
                                    the Kowloon Hash. 

                                                                                          GOLDEN BALLS
                                    We started early to forestall them.

                                                                                          PLOD
                                    Has I was looking through the aforementioned hinstrument, 
                                    I spotted the powdered wigs of the Hong Kong Hash bobbing
                                    about in Shatin Pass. They were attached by what seemed to be
                                    umbilical cords to the Carlsberg beer truck, clearly at the end of
                                    their tethers. 
                                                                                          GOLDEN JELLY
                                    They almost got here before us.
                                                                                          PLOD
                                    Has I was saying, my heart missed a beat when I saw that
                                    the sweaty varlets of Kowloon Hash in their vain quest to outflank us,
                                    had reached Tai Po Market Station before they realized, with
                                    a huge breaking of wind, the forlorn nature of their quest.
                                                                                          WALKY TALKY
                                    Eh? What language is he speaking? it’s not English.
                                                                                          GOLDEN BALLS
                                    Even so, I took the hadded precaution of moving the
                                    start inside the newly opened gate to the Closed
                                    Area.
                                                                                          HASH REPORTER
                                    Viewers. That was a move of tactical genius worthy of the Desert Fox
                                    or David Beckham!
                                                                                          EUNUCH
                                    That’s absurd. He looks nothing like a fox.
                                                                                         
                                                                                          MANGO
                                    More like a buff…….
                                                                                          PLOD
                                    Silence for the hare.
                                                                                          GOLDEN BALLS
                                    The run was marked in the usual – chalk, flour and paper.
                                                                                          GOLDEN JELLY
                                    On the way round, there was a firework show to celebrate.

                                                                                          PLOD
                                    It was a well-marked trail but I followed Walky Talky
                                    most of the way.
                                                                                          WALKY TALKY
                                    He told me he couldn’t see in the dark.
                                                                                          DESPERATE DAN
                                    I walked at the back with Tangerine Dream, Velcro,
                                    Ginger Moon, but still managed to get lost.

                                                                                          VELCRO LIPS AND TANGERINE DREAM
                                    We were talking about shopping and lost trail.
                                                                                          SALESMAN
                                    It’s amazing what tricks the mind plays.
                                    I was running with Mango Groove and Eunuch
                                    when we started on the out-trail again.
                                                                                          EUNUCH
                                    It was so ordained by one greater than us.
                                    It’s all part of his great plan. Hal…….
                                                                                          SALESMAN
                                    When we ran into Bogbrush, we turned tail and
                                    hared back to retrace our steps. Shocking sight.

                                                                                          MANGO GROOVE
                                    I knew we were wrong but …… (Cries of Rubbish)
                                   
                                                                                          HASH REPORTER
                                    Incident packed and historic. Well, today the Northern New Territories
                                    Hash clearly made Hash History. And when that happens, an appearance
                                    in the Great Hall of the Hashers is clearly called for.
                                    (Sound of thunder rumbling in the distance. Spotlight on BALLS and JELLY
                                    as they relax in bed after their triumph)
                                                                                          GOLDEN JELLY   
                                    I told you not to drink so many roadies.
                                    I get tired of pushing that wheelbarrow up the stairs.
                                                                                          GOLDEN BALLS
                                    Snot me. Anyway, that reference to David Beckham made livid.
                                    Moreover, geniuses always drink to excess. What about Dylan Thomas?
                                                                                          GOLDEN JELLY
                                    He wasn’t on the Hash today, was he?

                                                                                          VOICE OF EUNUCH
                                    (Peal of thunder) “Now behind the eyes and secrets of the dreamers in the streets                                           rocked to sleep by the sea, see the titbits and topsyturvies,

                                    boobs and buttontops, bags and bones.
                                                                                          VOICE OF GREAT HALL OF THE HASHERS
                                    (Lightning flashes) Calling Golden Balls. Calling Golden Balls.
                                   
                                                                                          GOLDEN BALLS
                                    Go away. I’ve just got comfortable. Pass me a roadie.
                                    (Golden Balls voluminous form rises slowly and floats through
                                    the widow on his way to his historic meeting with the Hash Greats.
                                    The avatar of all the N2TH3 GM’s, which sits with all the other
                                    GM’s in that cavernous ON ON somewhere past the last check                       
                                    over the rainbow)
                                    Did someone say On On. Get me one in.
                                                                                          HASH HORN
                                    And introducing his Right Royal Hash Heaviness                                 
                                    From the N2TH3, General Bolden Balls.
                                                                                          INEBRIATED HASHERS
                                    The Hero arrives. Hail. Watch your drinks.
                                    Give him a Down Down.
                                                                                          GOLDEN BALLS
                                    It’s GOLDEN BALLS. Get it right.
                                                                                          N2TH3 AVATAR
                                    Give him a Down Down. You naughty Boy. Stand in the corner.
                                    Give him a hand job, that’ll wake him up.
                                    You’ve engraved the N2TH3 into the annals of Hash history.
                                    More like the Anus of Pistory.
                                    He’s a great big Batty Boy.
                                                                                         
                                                                                          GOLDEN BALLS
                                    That’s MANGO GROOVE. I’d recognize him anywhere.
                                                                                          GOLDEN JELLY
                                    Don’t identify them. They’ll lock you up.
                                                                                          N2TH3 AVATAR
                                    We’ll send him into outer space.
                                    Don’t forget we’re celebrating a Hash triumph.
                                    Let’s name a urinal after him.
                                                                                          GOLDEN BALLS
                                                                        (truculently)
                                    The very first HHH in the Closed Area.
                                    I’ll drink to that.
                                                                                          GOLDEN JELLY
                                    I’ll drink to that too.
                                                                        (They embrace in a tsunami of passion.)
                                                                                          HASH HORN
                                    The GREAT HALL OF THE HASHERS erupts in Hash cries.
                                    Hash passion. On On. Down Down. Put him in the Hall of Fame.
                                    (Lights dim to a spot on the N2TH3 logo with a crown of laurel
                                     leaves – a potent symbol)
                                                                                          HASH REPORTER                                                                                         
                                    And so we leave this scene of celebration and return to
                                    the studio.
                                   
                                                                                          STUDIO ANNOUNCER
                                    In a startling development, the CIA has announced
                                    the existence of a world-wide group of dangerous
                                    subversives calling themselves Hashers. Considered to
                                    be more threatening than Al Qaeda to world order, the
                                    CIA has sequestered phone records and believes that this
                                    organization might be harboring Edward Snowden, the
                                    latest American whistleblower. Inquiries have centred on
                                    the Northern New Territories of Hong Kong and a certain
                                    group of Hashers identified by this acronym – N2TH3.
                                    Anyone with information …………….
  
Where Hong Kong ends and Guangdong begins
                                     

Freedom bid!

Run 1586
Dragonbeards  
By Gunpowder Plod

I am a traditional dragon boater. By that I mean that Gweilo teams are, traditionally, since the British first invaded Hong Kong, not supposed to practice but are instead intended to show up on the day, reasonably sober, work out which end of the boat is the prow, install a scantly dressed female in the stern to bang the drum, pile into the boat and sink as soon as possible for the general amusement of the natives.


So, my services not being required, I volunteered to Hare but was told that nobody was likely to run. Undeterred, I laid a trail of sorts from the King’s Belly starting at 0945 or so but I was not followed by anyone; one Hare, zero pack!

I ran around the green bits of Taipo and the river and did a spot of recceing off the Ting Kok and Fung Yuen Roads before heading into the Industrial Area and thence to the Dragon Boat start area in 9 Km 68 Mins.
Here I was cheerily greeted by the N2TH3 MacDermid sponsored dragon boat team who had apparently paddled twice, stayed afloat but lost narrowly to the Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual Fire Brigade team in the repachage paddle-off to decide the winner of this year’s wooden paddle.

At the races

The Hareraiser then exhorted me to try again by laying a direct trail back to the pub. This I did, more or less, deviating to the Taipo nick for some reason, and arrived back 2.5 Km and 30 mins later. The pack was lead in by Tangerine Dream on her bike followed by Gone West and Dingaling with the rest deciding to stroll in by another route.

Then it was into the free draft San Mig and food, courtesy of Macdermid, who apparently tell the Inland Revenue that N2TH3 are a deserving charity for aged athletes.

At the hash pub


                                                                      

Dragon Boat Day

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Paddles Ahoy!
 

As usual, the Northern New Territories Hash is turning out en masse to paddle for MacDermaid’s, with a King’s Belly blow-out from the team’s co-sponsor to follow. Our heat is at 9am and we expect to make the repechage final or even the real final. If so, there will be a second race at around 11.

Paddlers will set a token “run” from Tai Po Waterfront Park (race location) to the King’s Belly. In other words, we’ll mark the way to the pub. If you want to do this run, be at the place indicated on the map by 11am. Better still, come along at 8.30 and cheer us on!
















Run No. 1584: 5 June 2013



The Fiscal View
By Financial Correspondent Stingray

Not gay again


A rather damp night brought Gunpowder Plod into the spot light. A hare notorious for his dubious investments in unconventional markings, this run kept a tight control on the running supply.

The pack were enthused by the early introduction of a perfectly formed Japanese stimulus package with both the Kin and the Yen making initial gains.
G Balls lead the bulls up as the Hash Index made an early climb. But it is G-Spot who is now under investigation by the ICAC, the correllations between Hash runs destroying the hillside followed by Fugro’s next slope stabilisation job is clearly more than coincidence.
Eunuch and Mango with their blind faith in Asian Funds made significant gains and led a strong rally towards the city, but as the market unravelled it was the rush to commodities and particularly the beach that attracted the interest of Stingray.
Dingaling, a sound investor, had been led by his dog all the way and this was proving to be profitable strategy as both were looking solidly in credit for the night.
Only Velcro had cashed out her chips early, on a night when the GM’s monetary easing and cutting of the fence rate had seen most of the hash well in control of their own destinies.
It was then that Why so Syria, so impressed by the solid financial control of the NT Hash, announced that he had to spread the knowledge back to the bastions of Wall street and that his last outing, in two weeks time, would be an exercise in total control and would make this run look like the 1920s crash.
A collection for the under privileged and a few drinks later the Hash and the day were put to bed.
Smug hare

Run 1584 / Report Run 1583

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Run 1584

Wednesday, June 5, 2013
7.30pm
Car park in Lok Wo Shan Lane opposite entrance to United World College.
Drivers can use Ma On Shan Bypass / Sai Sha Road, left at Sai Sha Roundabout, left again into Nin Wah Road and then Lok Wo Sha Lane.
Rambo trail with wimp option.
Hare: Gunpowder Plod

Run 1583
A Fence Runs Through It
By Gunpowder Plod

WhySoSyria (knees up on my dashboard, eyes wide shut) and I arrived first at this select start location in the back of beyond Hung Shui Kiu. Or so we thought, as we parked in the entrance to that world famous financial institution “Bong Yan Finance Co” (presumably the local branch of the Wo Hop To triads). 
A female form was discerned sitting on the kerbside. Walky Talky sitty scratchy. So, while WSS and WT wondered off to do a bit of surreptitious recceing, I sauntered over to a beat up old charabanc hidden in the bushes and produced my tremendous todger for a wizz. Before I could wizz, however, a grizzled face appeared at the window in the form of One Eyed Jack who then aimed his Box Brownie at me; pervert! I shot off, almost tripping over my member, before he could add me to his willy pic collection.
In short order, other members appeared in the form of G-Spot, clad for the office, and Golden Jelly. No sign of either Hare or Beer! Then GJ hands me a call from GB. “I’m – puff – still out here. Couldn’t – wheeze – find my trail from – snort – 4 years ago! Back in 10 – gasp”(crash noises off). 
So we hung around and finally GB appears closely followed by Eunuch, Mango and Beer.
The Hare reminisces:  
  • No hareline, no hare: decided to kick off next cycle with a hare-raiser’s run 
  • No recce, decided to use a trail sniffed out 4 years ago
  • Savage village dogs had me worried a bit after 1st check and advised pack to stay together when gave briefing
  • Went wrong and instead of going up to ridge ended back down close to start with about 30-35 mins trail set
  • Decided to set another loop going up past quarry into shiggy (where I meant to come down)
  • Top of quarry steps all fenced off. Squeezed through a wide gate to find second, stronger, newer fence blocking path
  • Tried to set bogroll trail through shiggy. Turned back at wasp attack (6 stings on bum) Ouch!
  • 7. Back down to highway, check-back, set yards/village route back to start/finish

So, off we went up the hill to the first check, quickly solved, up a dark village path, bravely led by Fearless Me with WhySoSyria hanging back and plaintively calling “Isn’t this where we are supposed to stick together to fend off packs of rabid beasts??” We passed several pretty pooches yapping behind locked gates and that was it; very disappointing. I threw away my iron bar in disgust. 


Then it was up the valley on a slippery shiggy trail now led by Eunuch, Mango, G-Spot, WSS and OEJ with Plod, WT and GJ bringing up the rear. Clever trail laying exposed the FRBs to cunning check-backs and route choice but in the end they were well ahead across the dam and then up up up a steep path and finally down down down and onto a gently inclining but very rough old track which reduced me to a careful shamble until caught at the bottom by GJ and WT holding hands and giggling.
Then we all regrouped as the FRBs almost shortcut at a check:
  • Poncing around bareback at finish, didn’t realise I could be seen from check at bottom of first loop
  • G-Spot, Mango spied me and ran in on home trail. I sent them back to do it properly
  • Eunuch (ill) did same but didn’t bother with 2nd loop

 Finally, the FRBs took off again along the highway minus G-Spot, wisely following Plod who, suspecting as much, located a side trail through a gate and back under the highway through a tunnel to another check. Here Plod checked the wrong way and the whole catching pack (minus Eunuch) followed G-Spot on a long but interesting, fast running loop home.
  • Finishing order: G-Spot, Whysosyria, Mango, Plod, then One-eyed Jack, Walky Talky & Golden Jelly together
  • G-Spot 50 mins,  Plod 53 Mins, Golden Jelly 55 Mins

Circle by Plod (5 DDs for Hare) and Mango involved everyone and concluded with another 4 DDs for Hare by OEJ (GB snitched on by GJ) for losing or destroying 4 mobile phones in as many months. Good cold down down beer, tasty orange crisps for the Hare and Pop Pans for the rest of us, the Best Hash in Hong Kong. OnOn

Disgruntled hare
The winner
We’re not gay!
Circle action