Run 1587 / reports Runs 1585, 1586

It’s been a hectic week for the Northern New Territories, starting with the special run in the newly opened ex-Frontier Closed Area on June 10 (we have a Bogbrush dramatisation to remember it with), followed by the dragon boat racing on June 12 (where we finished 7th in the repechage final), and leading to tomorrow, June 19, Why So Syria’s last run as N2TH3 hare and on-out before he goes back to Septicland.

Run 1587

Wednesday, June 19, 2013
Start: Pagoda at Tai Shui Hang
Easy to reach, car park adjacent.
Short walk from Tai Shui Hang MTR station, Exit B, via subway.
Bus 299 from Sha Tin.

Run 1585

Dateline Hong Kong, June 10, 2013


                                    He shrugs when you compare him to Wellington or Nelson,
                                    but many are hailing him as a tactical genius. I am standing
                                    next to General Balls of the Northern New Territories Hash.
                                                                                          GOLDEN BALLS
                                    It’s G-Balls. Golden Balls to be precise.
                                                                                          HASH REPORTER
                                    We’re standing at the start of this hash triumph in the
                                    Tsung Pak Long Village pagoda near Sheung Shui MTR.
                                    I understand General Golden that if you and your motley
                                    band of hashers had done this hash run yesterday, you would
                                    have run afoul of the Chinese authorities.
                                                                                          GOLDEN BALLS
                                    In the gulags without doubt.
                                                                                          GOLDEN JELLY
                                    We are the first HHH group ever to run in the Closed Area.
                                                                                          N2TH3 HASHERS
                                    Hooray. Cheers. We showed them. Rhubarb.
                                    We’re the greatest. Down with the imposters.
                                                                                          GOLDEN BALLS
                                    The history makers were: Plod (GM), Velcro Lips, G-Spot, Dingaling, 
                                    BogBrush, Desperate Dan, Eunuch, Mango Groove, Salesman,
                                    Walky Talky, Ginger Moon, Dram, T-bird, LSG, Tangerine Dream.
                                    Injured: Farty Pants – thrush; LSG – Gout;  Dram-
                                    Salmon complex disorder. Golden Jelly (SP).

                                                                                          HASH REPORTER
                                    How did you manage to outwit rival hashes?
                                                                                          GOLDEN BALLS
                                    We did what Obama’s Hash couldn’t do
                                    – kept it a secret. Over to my Genetically Modified
                                    Leader – Plod!
                                    (Hurrump – Clears his throttle)
                                    When Golden Balls put the plan to me,
                                    I realized the need for absolute secrecy.
                                    Certain measures were put in place.
                                                                                          PLOD (Cont.)
                                    Despite these measures, there was a leak.
                                                                                          N2TH3 HASHERS
                                    It’s yer age. Old git. No control. Incontinent –  etc
                                    Hash Silence!!!! Upon arriving at the aforesaid pagoda,
                                    I carefully attached my eye to a telescope that I had
                                    brought halong for the very purpose of spotting likely hintruders
                                    in the form of the Ong Kong Hash and their co-conspirators,
                                    the Kowloon Hash. 

                                                                                          GOLDEN BALLS
                                    We started early to forestall them.

                                    Has I was looking through the aforementioned hinstrument, 
                                    I spotted the powdered wigs of the Hong Kong Hash bobbing
                                    about in Shatin Pass. They were attached by what seemed to be
                                    umbilical cords to the Carlsberg beer truck, clearly at the end of
                                    their tethers. 
                                                                                          GOLDEN JELLY
                                    They almost got here before us.
                                    Has I was saying, my heart missed a beat when I saw that
                                    the sweaty varlets of Kowloon Hash in their vain quest to outflank us,
                                    had reached Tai Po Market Station before they realized, with
                                    a huge breaking of wind, the forlorn nature of their quest.
                                                                                          WALKY TALKY
                                    Eh? What language is he speaking? it’s not English.
                                                                                          GOLDEN BALLS
                                    Even so, I took the hadded precaution of moving the
                                    start inside the newly opened gate to the Closed
                                                                                          HASH REPORTER
                                    Viewers. That was a move of tactical genius worthy of the Desert Fox
                                    or David Beckham!
                                    That’s absurd. He looks nothing like a fox.
                                    More like a buff…….
                                    Silence for the hare.
                                                                                          GOLDEN BALLS
                                    The run was marked in the usual – chalk, flour and paper.
                                                                                          GOLDEN JELLY
                                    On the way round, there was a firework show to celebrate.

                                    It was a well-marked trail but I followed Walky Talky
                                    most of the way.
                                                                                          WALKY TALKY
                                    He told me he couldn’t see in the dark.
                                                                                          DESPERATE DAN
                                    I walked at the back with Tangerine Dream, Velcro,
                                    Ginger Moon, but still managed to get lost.

                                                                                          VELCRO LIPS AND TANGERINE DREAM
                                    We were talking about shopping and lost trail.
                                    It’s amazing what tricks the mind plays.
                                    I was running with Mango Groove and Eunuch
                                    when we started on the out-trail again.
                                    It was so ordained by one greater than us.
                                    It’s all part of his great plan. Hal…….
                                    When we ran into Bogbrush, we turned tail and
                                    hared back to retrace our steps. Shocking sight.

                                                                                          MANGO GROOVE
                                    I knew we were wrong but …… (Cries of Rubbish)
                                                                                          HASH REPORTER
                                    Incident packed and historic. Well, today the Northern New Territories
                                    Hash clearly made Hash History. And when that happens, an appearance
                                    in the Great Hall of the Hashers is clearly called for.
                                    (Sound of thunder rumbling in the distance. Spotlight on BALLS and JELLY
                                    as they relax in bed after their triumph)
                                                                                          GOLDEN JELLY   
                                    I told you not to drink so many roadies.
                                    I get tired of pushing that wheelbarrow up the stairs.
                                                                                          GOLDEN BALLS
                                    Snot me. Anyway, that reference to David Beckham made livid.
                                    Moreover, geniuses always drink to excess. What about Dylan Thomas?
                                                                                          GOLDEN JELLY
                                    He wasn’t on the Hash today, was he?

                                                                                          VOICE OF EUNUCH
                                    (Peal of thunder) “Now behind the eyes and secrets of the dreamers in the streets                                           rocked to sleep by the sea, see the titbits and topsyturvies,

                                    boobs and buttontops, bags and bones.
                                                                                          VOICE OF GREAT HALL OF THE HASHERS
                                    (Lightning flashes) Calling Golden Balls. Calling Golden Balls.
                                                                                          GOLDEN BALLS
                                    Go away. I’ve just got comfortable. Pass me a roadie.
                                    (Golden Balls voluminous form rises slowly and floats through
                                    the widow on his way to his historic meeting with the Hash Greats.
                                    The avatar of all the N2TH3 GM’s, which sits with all the other
                                    GM’s in that cavernous ON ON somewhere past the last check                       
                                    over the rainbow)
                                    Did someone say On On. Get me one in.
                                                                                          HASH HORN
                                    And introducing his Right Royal Hash Heaviness                                 
                                    From the N2TH3, General Bolden Balls.
                                                                                          INEBRIATED HASHERS
                                    The Hero arrives. Hail. Watch your drinks.
                                    Give him a Down Down.
                                                                                          GOLDEN BALLS
                                    It’s GOLDEN BALLS. Get it right.
                                                                                          N2TH3 AVATAR
                                    Give him a Down Down. You naughty Boy. Stand in the corner.
                                    Give him a hand job, that’ll wake him up.
                                    You’ve engraved the N2TH3 into the annals of Hash history.
                                    More like the Anus of Pistory.
                                    He’s a great big Batty Boy.
                                                                                          GOLDEN BALLS
                                    That’s MANGO GROOVE. I’d recognize him anywhere.
                                                                                          GOLDEN JELLY
                                    Don’t identify them. They’ll lock you up.
                                                                                          N2TH3 AVATAR
                                    We’ll send him into outer space.
                                    Don’t forget we’re celebrating a Hash triumph.
                                    Let’s name a urinal after him.
                                                                                          GOLDEN BALLS
                                    The very first HHH in the Closed Area.
                                    I’ll drink to that.
                                                                                          GOLDEN JELLY
                                    I’ll drink to that too.
                                                                        (They embrace in a tsunami of passion.)
                                                                                          HASH HORN
                                    The GREAT HALL OF THE HASHERS erupts in Hash cries.
                                    Hash passion. On On. Down Down. Put him in the Hall of Fame.
                                    (Lights dim to a spot on the N2TH3 logo with a crown of laurel
                                     leaves – a potent symbol)
                                                                                          HASH REPORTER                                                                                         
                                    And so we leave this scene of celebration and return to
                                    the studio.
                                                                                          STUDIO ANNOUNCER
                                    In a startling development, the CIA has announced
                                    the existence of a world-wide group of dangerous
                                    subversives calling themselves Hashers. Considered to
                                    be more threatening than Al Qaeda to world order, the
                                    CIA has sequestered phone records and believes that this
                                    organization might be harboring Edward Snowden, the
                                    latest American whistleblower. Inquiries have centred on
                                    the Northern New Territories of Hong Kong and a certain
                                    group of Hashers identified by this acronym – N2TH3.
                                    Anyone with information …………….
Where Hong Kong ends and Guangdong begins

Freedom bid!

Run 1586
By Gunpowder Plod

I am a traditional dragon boater. By that I mean that Gweilo teams are, traditionally, since the British first invaded Hong Kong, not supposed to practice but are instead intended to show up on the day, reasonably sober, work out which end of the boat is the prow, install a scantly dressed female in the stern to bang the drum, pile into the boat and sink as soon as possible for the general amusement of the natives.

So, my services not being required, I volunteered to Hare but was told that nobody was likely to run. Undeterred, I laid a trail of sorts from the King’s Belly starting at 0945 or so but I was not followed by anyone; one Hare, zero pack!

I ran around the green bits of Taipo and the river and did a spot of recceing off the Ting Kok and Fung Yuen Roads before heading into the Industrial Area and thence to the Dragon Boat start area in 9 Km 68 Mins.
Here I was cheerily greeted by the N2TH3 MacDermid sponsored dragon boat team who had apparently paddled twice, stayed afloat but lost narrowly to the Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual Fire Brigade team in the repachage paddle-off to decide the winner of this year’s wooden paddle.

At the races

The Hareraiser then exhorted me to try again by laying a direct trail back to the pub. This I did, more or less, deviating to the Taipo nick for some reason, and arrived back 2.5 Km and 30 mins later. The pack was lead in by Tangerine Dream on her bike followed by Gone West and Dingaling with the rest deciding to stroll in by another route.

Then it was into the free draft San Mig and food, courtesy of Macdermid, who apparently tell the Inland Revenue that N2TH3 are a deserving charity for aged athletes.

At the hash pub


2 thoughts on “Run 1587 / reports Runs 1585, 1586

  1. Gunpowder Plod 18/06/2013 / 9:14 am

    Brillinat reportin n editin by the old guys. OnOn GM

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