Wednesday, August 14, 2013
“The run will start when every one gets there, that will be 7:20pm plus travelling say 30 min or 7:50pm.”
Bride’s Pool car park, above the bus terminus. About 500m from Wu Kau Tang Road
On-site food – home-made burgers
Great run – 5.8km, no shiggy
Next hare: August 21, Stingray
The Psychotic PLB
By Billy Jizz
Will anyone be at Hong LokYuen at 7.00pm? I asked. Yes I’ll be there as normal, replied Eunuch.
As promised, Eunuch turned up at 7 at the mozzie-infested meeting point for the Northern New Territories hash. I innocently asked if anyone else would be arriving, setting Eunuch off on a full-blown rant that the NT hash isn’t what it used to be, nobody meets at HLY anymore, the GM wants to start runs at 7.30 when everyone knows the run start time is when the HLY pack arrives, its not BLOODY 7.30, he continued to rant whilst offering me a beer.
7.15 arrived and off we set. Do you know where the start is? asked Eunuch. Helpfully I replied that it was about 400m from the start of the lesser hash run last Sunday. Arse! replied Eunuch, not having been on that run. But being the hashers that we are, and knowing that it was close to Fairview Park we knew we would find it. We arrived at the start, setting off a double rant from Eunuch, first when there was nowhere to park and secondly when some dipstick driver got right behind him when he was trying to reverse.
We got out of the car with the GM shouting hurry up we need to start the run, its after 7.30! QED. We don our PE kit and head over to the pagoda. Monkey Shite is giving the briefing to the pack, containing to my surprise some hot totty – Tangerine Dream was there in a pair of fashionable sexy running shorts. Then there was, Stingray, Plod, Serbian Bomber, Eunuch and myself, not a big pack but about the norm nowadays I was told. (If you’re reading this and were not there, get off your arse on a Wednesday night, your hash needs you.) The brief was almost over when Golden Balls arrived. Nno hills but lots of checks, said Monkey Shite handing out chalk, and off we set, with most of the pack missing the turn under the footbridge and being called back by the hare.
By this time, three minutes into the run, the pack was already well strung out, the FRBs TD and Serbian Bomber were nowhere to be seen with the rest of the pack bimbling about at walking pace. A few checks later and having discovered that all the marks were on lamp posts or the odd wall, the pack was joined by latecomer Dingaling and the pace picked up. Trail was almost exclusively on village footpaths and roads, with as promised numerous checks. It was whilst checking out one of said checks that the FRB’s leapt out from behind a building laughing and giggling like a couple of naughty schoolkids and ran off down the trail we had just came up. So, (a) what had they been up to, and (b) what did they know that we didn’t? Trail was called by Dingaling heading off in the opposite direction to the FRBs. It was around this time that the psychotic no.38 PLB first showed its bumper, chasing Stingray for 100m before he was able to turn down a narrow path not wide enough for the bus.
We wound our way through the village streets for about 20 minutes following a well marked trail and exchanging pleasantries all the way, such as Stingray this is your fault you arse, you checked out this direction, but only as far as the second lamppost it seemed as the arrow was on the third lamppost! However it was not all Stingrays fault, as by this time he was a total nervous wreck. the psychotic bus had made two more appearances, on both occasions singling out Stingray and pursuing him mercilessly until he managed to give it the slip. (You had to have been there.) By this time the pack was down to four runners, the FRBs were nowhere to be seen and we had lost Golden Balls somewhere along the way.
We arrived at a check at a T-junction and who should be there but the FRBs, unable to find the trail. There was a CB about 150m from the check. After a bit of a check around, Eunuch headed off down a gravel trail found behind an abandoned car. No calls were heard from Eunuch and everyone else wandered around looking for trail. After a few minutes when Eunuch did not come back it was assumed he’d found trail and we all followed him down the gravel trail. No markings on the trail and after about 100m we hit another road, still no markings and no Eunuch. So the decision was made let’s just head back to the start and get a cold beer. “Ah,” said Stingray, in his cockney twang, it might be slightly warm beer, I couldn’t get much ice. Lots of kind advice was given to Stingray and all in the best possible taste. As we were heading back the two FRBs decided they wanted to go back and look for trail, so the remaining three followed the road home, and yet again the dreaded no.38 PLB turned up, chasing the three runners all the way home.
Back home, the hare explained where we had gone wrong and we learnt we had only done about half the run, having been out for over an hour. The GM would have been really pissed off had we done the full run (see later for explanation). About 5 minutes later the FRBs arrived not having been able to find trail, and still no sign of Eunuch.
Golden Balls, true to his word (if almost two years late) hands out 1500th Run T-shirts to myself and Stingray, which we both immediately slip over our heads to model for the pack.
OK said Dingaling, I’m off home. What, before the circle? Yes, I was out on the piss last night and I will be again tomorrow night, I need to go home and go to bed. See you in the Belly on Friday, he said as he left.
Right, said the GM lets have the circle. But all the runners aren’t back, you can’t have the circle until everyone is back. Some of us have a long way to travel and it’s getting late, replied the GM, shouting “Circle in five!” The five minutes were almost up when in lopes Eunuch, who had picked up the trail but then lost it again.
A short circle followed, with the GM handing out the obligatory down downs to the hare, returnees and other assorted made up charges.
A really enjoyable run, the piss-taking banter was top notch as ever, and my personal thanks to the hare for putting in all the effort to set the run.
See you all next year. On on.