It started at Dingaling’s with 11 and finished at Moonie’s with 32, taking in Dram’s and Chemical Ali’s along the way, with the entire route A to D taking five hours. A great way to start the year, a stroll through picturesque rural landscape in glorious January sunshine. Moonie’s magic drinks cabinet was the star of the show with its single malts, liqueurs and even a bottle of vodka with flakes of pure drinkable gold floating around inside, courtesy of Desperate Dan, who was desperately drunk. But special mention goes to Overdue, VD and Tangerine Dream for their immaculate efforts on the food front. For lo, they spreadst a banquet in our sight on tables groaning with goodness, while Dram’s parsimonious sausages and Famous Grouse provided a welcome relief from the epicurean abundance.
First, apologies for the lack of activity in the last few weeks. Normal service is now resumed with the approach of the new year. And the first run of 2014 takes place on New Year’s Day. It’s a 1pm start.
This is an afternoon run/walk/ramble around the villages of the central New Territories, visiting hashers’ houses on an A to B trail. At each stop the host hasher will provide some simple scoff and booze, while the next host lays trail to his/her house. We’ll finish up at B with a circle and some more scoff and booze.
Start time is 1pm at Dingaling and Overdue’s house In San Uk Tsai behind Leafy Glade. Address is 83A San Uk Tsai. The maps below show location and access. You can actually drive or walk in from the west – the blank area just west of number 78 is paved. Bus number 64K from Yuen Long or Tai Po goes along Lam Kam Road.
Hosts are, in no particular order: Dingaling/Overdue; Zimmerframe/Mahali; Eunuch/Auntie Septic; Moonie/Tangerine Dream; Dram/T-Bird; Chemical Ali/VD.
It is suggested that if you’re not a host you could bring something to eat or drink at B. Being a hash, B is of course a secret, but bring your contribution to A and it’ll be magically transported to B.
If you drive and park at the start you’ll have to walk or taxi it back to your car, a couple of kilometres, or we may be able to arrange some sort of transportation.
A short but high quality run achieving 12 checks – less than half the 25 establishments visited two years ago, but as you can see below, the quality of the run was high. Trace the development of the run in these pictures. Spot the point at which Beer Tits introduced her most expensive lipstick. This was when the run started going downhill rapidly…
Christmas Pub Run
It’s time once again to unleash our own brand of mayhem on the drinking holes of Tai Po!
Note the run starts at 7pm at The King’s Belly, who will be providing finger food to start us off with a little stomach lining. The idea is to do as many checks (pubs) as we deem fit before heading back for an aperitif at the Belly. Address and map
Trail will be marked to at least the first four checks, which will be close to the Belly, so latecomers can catch up easily.
Bring song sheets, false noses, silly hats, party spray, cash and a sense of humour. Only the seriously serious will be running on this run.
The run is an A to B. Make your way to the sitting out area/small park in front of the temple where I set a run from, about a month ago. Then it will be load up in one or two cars, depending on numbers, and off to the start. Run distance is approximately 7.5 km. It is well within the capabilities of all N2TH3 runners although there is a bit of shiggy. Obviously, NO wimps/rambos split. If I get stuck, I may have to live hare. Shortcut at your own risk!!! (You have been warned…….. OEJ) If you are thinking of shortcutting because you “KNOW” where you are going, then please make sure you take some taxi fare!!!
Torches with good batteries are recommended. If you are squeamish about the shiggy, then you can wear leggings I suppose.
It will be marked with paper, flour and chalk. ALL white.
This is probably the last decent run of the year before we start the Crimbo festivities and some disappear to other places for the holidays. So lets have a bit of effort and complete the run.
Directions to the start. (Pick up point)
If driving, turn left at the Hong Lok Yuen junction. Stay on the Tai Wo Service Rd West, through the ‘dog-leg, past the bus stops on both sides and on for about 100mtrs then turn left. (When you turn left onto the service road, it is the 4th turning on the left. This map only shows 3 turnings to the left, but there are actually 4!). I will mark it in with chalk from this junction.
Both the 25A and 25B both go down this road from Tai Po, but you obviously need to get off the bus at this junction.
Any probs, then phone me on 6907 6331, or, if you think you are going to be late. (That way we can have a chuckle as we set off without you!)
This is the sitting-out area in front of the temple thingy.
This one wrote itself, or rather Serbian Bomber did. The flavour of the run was already apparent in this snippet of Moonie-Serbian Bomber dialogue from the internets prior to the run:
Do we need a climbing rope? Only if you want to shortcut.
Do we need absail equipment?Only if you want to shortcut.
Do we need diving gear ? Shortcutting again???
Do we need spare batteries for the torch? Yes.
Is air-sea rescue on standby?? Yes. You should also bring bivvy bag, whistle, fishing line, signal flare, lucky rabbits foot or horseshoe, and a spare armadillo (Dasypodidae).Make sure you don’t bring the wrong kind of armadillo http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pink_fairy_armadillo. No gays on the hash.
So it was that seven hashers set off from The Castello up the Siu Lek Yuen hill and after the obligatory village confusion we soon found our way onto a rough illegal pipeline path paralleling the river. Now this was the trickiest sort of shiggy, with the trail comprised of loose and outcropping rocks on an uneven surface, often hidden under a screen of knee-high bracken and brambles. Plenty of face-high poison oak too. The path rose and rose, and there was a cunning left turn up a scramble to more of the same before descending to the river bed and some rock-hopping. Around this point it started to rain. The terrain and conditions had taken their toll on the integrity of the pack, most of whom were now widely separated. Eventually trail went left, up and over the hill and back down into Siu Lek Yuen for a fine Northern trail that took in some stuff nobody had ever done before.
Hare Serbian Bomber, flushed with success and fresh from finishing his MBA, took up where he’d left off several months ago, spamming the emails with how he would have written the run report from the hare’s point of view if he’d been asked to. He claims would have written about:
My evil sense of glee and anticipation as I set a 1.5km false trail at the mid point of the run and engineered the trail markings so all the FRBs would see it first before finding the real trail…
And setting another false trail to the top of the hill when the real trail went downhill…
My questioning how Golden Balls would scramble over some of those rocks in the stream beds and thinking – nah, just take the trail there…
My horror at the start, seeing Catch of the Day’s still-fresh-from-surgery-ankles before the start and thinking perhaps I should have set a gentler trail…
My confidence (proven to be correct by the FRBs) that it could be run in an hour (a big hello to Stingray who took 2 hours – I guess he must have enjoyed the trail and running in the rain so much that decided to do it twice)…
The fun of moving the circle and bags when it started to rain but before GB and Stingray returned and the pack’s thinking they’ll be thoroughly soaked before they find us hiding behind the bus…
My sense of satisfaction and pride at a job well done as runners exclaimed “Brilliant” as they finished and confirmed I had found virgin trail.
I could also (he continues) write about the lack of GM, GM2, RA at the circle and how we survived the trauma of Moonie taking the lead with a host of down downs. I can’t remember the full catalog of offenses but down downs included:
Me for being the hare
Golden Jelly and her sister Kim for being non-runners
Catch of the Day for being a runner when she should have been a non-runner
Stingray for being last back (did I mention it took him 2 hours)
Mango and others for various crashes on the way (It could have been worse – I did kick over some loose boulders and cut back a few thorns while I was setting the trail)
Moonie and Mango for getting their feet wet on the way (see what a considerate hare I was to give you the option of a footbath)
One-eyed Jack for grinning like a Cheshire Cat when he didn’t fall for the false trail and the FRBs returned to find him waiting at the check
Golden Balls for some reason or another – I don’t know what this time – but one look at his guilty face tells you he deserves every down down he gets and even then he’s getting off lightly
Eunuch – I don’t know what for but I’m sure he deserved it
Mango for penis envy (although after further research I do wonder if we were misdiagnosing and he’s actually suffering from a bad case of castration anxiety)
Catch of the Day for going all starry eyed at the mention of a large tackle
Mango for exhibiting his sense of superiority over getting an MBA from Henley
Me for being a Spurs fan (I should have had extra time for the down down – 13 seconds instead of 5)
Catch of the Day for being a squatter
Mango and Stingray for private circle
Mango and Stingray for reconvening their private circle
Me for not providing armadillos
Meanie of the day – Moonie for disappearing with his new whisky when we all wanted a taste…
Mango for mutilating his own hair, lopping his quiff and sides – those who missed last night and didn’t get to see it, you have to come next week and see this for yourselves – I just hope he doesn’t visit a stylist in the meantime
But as Serbian wasn’t asked to do the run report we’ll never know. Meanwhile the red herring of the pink fairy armadillo must remain unexplained, but it’s a horrible little creature like some grotesque hybrid of rat and cockroach…do we need a new logo?
27 November 2013
Siu Lek Yuen
Hare: Serbian Bomber
Hare says: The run will start from behind The Castello in Siu Lek Yuen Road. Take the turn to the left after The Castello. There is a pay car park and a free car park. I have a route and I’ve taken a day’s leave Wednesday to set it.
We say: Next run December 4, Run 1611. Hare: G-Spot. Or is it???
Only a few hashers turned up for One Eyed Jack’s run at Tai Po Tau, where the Wilson Trail starts going up Cloudy Hill, while two of the invalids – Golden Balls and Salesman – kept OEJ company at the start, thoughtfully consuming the beer which they knew would be bad for Eunuch, Mango Groove, Moonie and Stingray when they finished the run. At the off Moonie went straight up the Wilson Trail, but trail went off along the road towards Nethersole Hospital, and Moonie returned from his foray complaining that he was “not fancying it”. Nevertheless he caught the pack on the extreme shiggy ascent up through jungle to the Wilson Trail ridge and led them home as trail went off the ridge and down a shiggy descent. Eunuch and Mango came in from different directions having both short-cut, followed by Stingray. The considerateness of the non-runners in drinking the beer was noted with admiration, and one can only hope that such altruism, derived no doubt by association with the hermit-like aesthete and athlete of Hotspur fame, and namesake of the Wilson Trail, spreads to all who would wish our runners strong-limbed and sober.
Another exemplary hash trail from One Eyed Jacques.
It was Golden Balls’ birthday and he’d announced sausages. He’d also set the run from San Tin football ground, a strangely deserted facility awash with floodlights but bizarrely lacking in changing rooms or toilets. It was a bit of a crib of a G-Spot run set for Shek Kong on St Patrick’s day, but with some new bits. He’d also enlisted the help of Jelly to set the run, citing a “chocolate leg”. And so the pack of about 10 set off while GB fried up the sausages…
…and Luk Sup Gow, G-Spot and Salesman (all injured) scooted off to Palm Springs to get beer and ice – yes, there’d been another N2TH3 brain fart and nobody had brought the eskies.
The pack went out along a wooded path, down through some farmland and past a gated compound into the hills. Some burnt hillside, a fixed-rope climb and the ridge that drops down into the PLA barracks were tackled before a paved stretch, and then trail doubled back into the old tank-track wastelands, now gone to weed and being fenced off by developers. Moonie and Eunuch were back in around 50 minutes and the rest of the pack, including the visiting Garoupa, not too long after that.
A short, entertaining circle was distinguished by the incompetence of the esky-rescue mission. Yes, we had beer and softies. Yes we had ice. Yes, we had salty snacks to go with GB’s sausages. But did we have cups? No. In fact the only receptacle of any sort was the oily plate on which the cooked sausages had reposed, releasing their greasy cargo, while waiting to be made into hot dogs. In a perverse display of misplaced machismo, the pack opted to drink, Kowloon-style, from the greasy plate – withoutwipingitdown! The result: a vile oily film floating on the ale, a noisome, noxious concoction that coated the mouth and has gone down in the annals as the worst downtown in the world!
Northern New Territories Hash – always pushing the envelope. But in a cavalier show of gallantry, the ladies present were permitted to drink from a thimble.
The Golden Balls and Hard Up Birthday Run
This week’s run (Northern New Territories Hash Run 1608) is at San Tin Football Pitch, NW New Territories. This is about halfway between Lok Ma Chau and Mai Po on the southern side of Castle Peak Road. Map and directions below. It’s Golden Balls and Hard Ups’ birthday, November 13. There will be sausages.
Date: Wednesday, November 13, 2013
Start: San Tin football pitch, Mai Po Lung Road
Trails: Rambo & wimp
Hare: Golden Balls
Post-op: Sausages ++
Parking: Right there
Getting there: By car – you will need to find your way to Castle Peak Road San Tin sector, then turn towards Shek Wu Wai (left if coming from Sheung Shui, right if coming from Yuen Long). Go under the highway, ignore the right turn up to the highway, then follow the road round to the right, which is Mai Po Lung Road. Follow this, keeping straight on and ignoring all turnings for 300 metres until you reach a small park on the right. It’s a bit deceptive, but this is the footy ground. Loads of space to park right there. I’ll be there to flag you down.
By foot: Dunno. Try Kam Sheung Road MTR or Sheung Shui MTR, then taxi.
It was almost a disaster. GM Gunpowder Plod had been preparing it for weeks, hoping to close out his year in office with a triumph. A superb run had been recced, the PTU Officers Mess had been booked and a Police curry ordained for the stalwarts of the Northern New Territories. Then old brittle bones went and broke some bone or other, the latest in an incessant list of osseous afflictions, and there he was on crutches. Again. And so it came to pass that RA Mango Groove sprang to the rescue. After three recces and threats of a 90-minute shiggy special he finally settled on a 45-minute jaunt around the streets of Fanling – probably a good thing given the business to come.
Others in the ranks of the walking wounded were Salesman with his freshly fractured ankle and Golden “chocolate leg” Balls with God knows what excuse this time. A welcome addition to the ranks was Garoupa, who brought along part of the late, great Hughiee’s hash shirt collection to sell, with proceeds going to charity.
PTU in the dark is a weird place. Crop-haired young men with muscles give a smart “Good evening sir!” as you walk past. Fleets of armoured vehicles hunker in the shadows and large squares between barrack buildings hint at drill, pain and exhaustion. For this is where the finest of the finest are trained, honed to taut fitness before being released onto the streets with their blue berets. Did it inhibit N2TH3?
Back at the mess drinks were raided directly from the bar, gratis courtesy of hash funds, while the GM distributed confusing ballot papers that not only required you to vote for a new committee but also to rank the outgoing one on a scale of 1 to 5. These were, of course, irreverently defaced before the company assembled in the dining room for the free curry AGM. Plod read his report giving his highlights of the year. These were:
Date Run Location Hare Remarks
26 Oct AGM Taipo OEJ Prune-faced old farts on out!
29 Nov Tag Nai Chung _ Chaos by RA; GM took over
12 Dec Pub run Tai Po – Organized by Stingray
13 Feb CNY Kam Tin Big Moany Daylight run
1 May May Day Plover Cove Dingaling Daylight run
19 May Cycle trip Futian Golden Balls Weekend to Shekou
10 June 1st run Frontier Golden Balls Frontier closed area – T-Shirt
31 July Joint run Kowloon Tong LSWH3 Gispert memorial – T-Shirt
11 Sept Away run Shekou LSG Bars
18 Sept 1600th run Taipo GM King’s Belly
Thanks to: ALL hares for setting trails, all bloggers and especially the Cock of the South
Hare of the Year: Golden Balls (memorable runs and a total of 6 trails)
NOT Hare of the Year: One Hung Lo (No 1. 23 Mins, No 2. “return to start”)
Then the ratings for the outgoing committee were read out. They were predictably nonsensical, with top marks going to Eunuch, who rated Plod at 5 and everybody else at 1 with qualifying comments: gay; poof; fag; dyke; likes bums; wets his pants (himself); lezzah; drag queen.
Finally the moment we’d all been waiting for: the new committee, read out in “reverse” order as is traditional. Posts were ticked off one by one as various hashers bemoaned their fates, or said, “Phew! At least I’m not GM!” Finally the name everybody had been waiting for was announced: Haggis! Actually it wasn’t announced, even though he got more votes than anybody else. A quick pow-wow among the Outgoing resolved that it would be silly to elect as GM a hasher who has never ever run on N2TH3 and is never likely to. So the mantle passed to the hasher with the second-most votes: Salesman! Who looked shocked, but quickly fashioned himself a sort of Klu Klux Klan hood from a plastic bag to show that he’s Queenie now.
AGM / Run 1607
Wednesday, 6 November, 2013
Officers’ Mess, Police Tactical Unit (PTU), Fanling
Run starts 7.30pm sharp – aim to arrive at 7.15
A to A run, shortish (40 minutes)
Hare: Outgoing RA Mango Groove
Special free “stash” giveaway
After the run there will be a circle during which the new committee will be revealed
Police curry and booze to follow
Hash Cash says: “GM has persuaded me to waive Hash Cash for the AGM. HOWEVER…you should DISCREETLY bring a couple of down down beers with you. OnOn Stingray”
It’s a secure venue and visitors must register in advance, so if you’re going, or thinking about going,make sure you tell outgoing GM Gunpowder Plod in advance: 9307 2041
By foot: Train to Fanling railway station, then follow chalk from Exit B (10 minutes).
By car: See map below. Find your way to Pak Wo Road and the roundabout next to Ka Fuk Estate. Take 1st exit (if approaching from south / Wo Hop Shek) or 2nd exit (if approaching from north / Sheung Shui), then turn right immediately. The depot gate is right in front of you. Follow chalk to start at Officers’ Mess. Only cars on the list provided by the GM will be able to enter, so if you’re driving make sure Gunpowder Plod has your licence plate number.