The Red Herring of the Pink Armadillo
This one wrote itself, or rather Serbian Bomber did. The flavour of the run was already apparent in this snippet of Moonie-Serbian Bomber dialogue from the internets prior to the run:
Do we need a climbing rope? Only if you want to shortcut.
Do we need absail equipment? Only if you want to shortcut.
Do we need diving gear ? Shortcutting again???
Do we need spare batteries for the torch? Yes.
Is air-sea rescue on standby?? Yes. You should also bring bivvy bag, whistle, fishing line, signal flare, lucky rabbits foot or horseshoe, and a spare armadillo (Dasypodidae). Make sure you don’t bring the wrong kind of armadillo http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pink_fairy_armadillo. No gays on the hash.
So it was that seven hashers set off from The Castello up the Siu Lek Yuen hill and after the obligatory village confusion we soon found our way onto a rough illegal pipeline path paralleling the river. Now this was the trickiest sort of shiggy, with the trail comprised of loose and outcropping rocks on an uneven surface, often hidden under a screen of knee-high bracken and brambles. Plenty of face-high poison oak too. The path rose and rose, and there was a cunning left turn up a scramble to more of the same before descending to the river bed and some rock-hopping. Around this point it started to rain. The terrain and conditions had taken their toll on the integrity of the pack, most of whom were now widely separated. Eventually trail went left, up and over the hill and back down into Siu Lek Yuen for a fine Northern trail that took in some stuff nobody had ever done before.
Hare Serbian Bomber, flushed with success and fresh from finishing his MBA, took up where he’d left off several months ago, spamming the emails with how he would have written the run report from the hare’s point of view if he’d been asked to. He claims would have written about:
- My evil sense of glee and anticipation as I set a 1.5km false trail at the mid point of the run and engineered the trail markings so all the FRBs would see it first before finding the real trail…
- And setting another false trail to the top of the hill when the real trail went downhill…
- My questioning how Golden Balls would scramble over some of those rocks in the stream beds and thinking – nah, just take the trail there…
- My horror at the start, seeing Catch of the Day’s still-fresh-from-surgery-ankles before the start and thinking perhaps I should have set a gentler trail…
- My confidence (proven to be correct by the FRBs) that it could be run in an hour (a big hello to Stingray who took 2 hours – I guess he must have enjoyed the trail and running in the rain so much that decided to do it twice)…
- The fun of moving the circle and bags when it started to rain but before GB and Stingray returned and the pack’s thinking they’ll be thoroughly soaked before they find us hiding behind the bus…
- My sense of satisfaction and pride at a job well done as runners exclaimed “Brilliant” as they finished and confirmed I had found virgin trail.
I could also (he continues) write about the lack of GM, GM2, RA at the circle and how we survived the trauma of Moonie taking the lead with a host of down downs. I can’t remember the full catalog of offenses but down downs included:
- Me for being the hare
- Golden Jelly and her sister Kim for being non-runners
- Catch of the Day for being a runner when she should have been a non-runner
- Stingray for being last back (did I mention it took him 2 hours)
- Mango and others for various crashes on the way (It could have been worse – I did kick over some loose boulders and cut back a few thorns while I was setting the trail)
- Moonie and Mango for getting their feet wet on the way (see what a considerate hare I was to give you the option of a footbath)
- One-eyed Jack for grinning like a Cheshire Cat when he didn’t fall for the false trail and the FRBs returned to find him waiting at the check
- Golden Balls for some reason or another – I don’t know what this time – but one look at his guilty face tells you he deserves every down down he gets and even then he’s getting off lightly
- Eunuch – I don’t know what for but I’m sure he deserved it
- Mango for penis envy (although after further research I do wonder if we were misdiagnosing and he’s actually suffering from a bad case of castration anxiety)
- Catch of the Day for going all starry eyed at the mention of a large tackle
- Mango for exhibiting his sense of superiority over getting an MBA from Henley
- Me for being a Spurs fan (I should have had extra time for the down down – 13 seconds instead of 5)
- Catch of the Day for being a squatter
- Mango and Stingray for private circle
- Mango and Stingray for reconvening their private circle
- Me for not providing armadillos
- Meanie of the day – Moonie for disappearing with his new whisky when we all wanted a taste…
- Mango for mutilating his own hair, lopping his quiff and sides – those who missed last night and didn’t get to see it, you have to come next week and see this for yourselves – I just hope he doesn’t visit a stylist in the meantime
But as Serbian wasn’t asked to do the run report we’ll never know. Meanwhile the red herring of the pink fairy armadillo must remain unexplained, but it’s a horrible little creature like some grotesque hybrid of rat and cockroach…do we need a new logo?
27 November 2013
Siu Lek Yuen
Hare: Serbian Bomber
Hare says: The run will start from behind The Castello in Siu Lek Yuen Road. Take the turn to the left after The Castello. There is a pay car park and a free car park. I have a route and I’ve taken a day’s leave Wednesday to set it.
We say: Next run December 4, Run 1611. Hare: G-Spot. Or is it???