1616, Lau Shui Heung Rd, 8 January

Saved by the Belle

Catch of the Day as Barbarella

With the Hare Raiser G-Spot’s temporary posting to the jungles of Java stretching from weeks now into months, the Northern New Territories continues to limp along with a disabled hardline, making it up as it goes along – but we hope this won’t last much longer as RA Velcro Lips has offered to take charge of the hareline until G-Spot returns, and if anyone can spank it into shape, it’s Miss Lips.

Moonie had generously offered to hare this run but had to withdraw because he’d been offered money for work. So dawned the day of the run, and there was…no run. A panicking GM ordered the pack to meet at Hong Lok Yuen and it would be taken from there. Sensing a fack-up, most of the pack wisely stayed away. However stalwarts Eunuch, Mango Groove and One Eyed Jack duly assembled at Hong Lok Yuen, alongside Catch of the Day, who suggested the three hunks go back to her place and take it from there instead

Meanwhile your scribe was late and arrived at Catch of the Day’s crenellated, two-metre-high garden wall to find the pack had already set off on a 1.5-hour run that took in two huge climbs and saw all four hashers take a turn at haring. I wasn’t alone for long though, as GM Salesman arrived on his bike. We duly managed to break into Eunuch’s car so we weren’t bereft of ale or snacks, but the no-man’s-land outside the house wasn’t the nicest of places. A hefty shoulder barge on the door in the garden wall and it swung open onto the Japanese garden, offering a serene place to stand. But it wasn’t long before we desired the warmth of indoors – and the fridge to chill the drinks. Of a sudden, we as one spotted what looked like an electronic hotel room key propped up by the door. Eureka! the door yielded to the digital command and we were in! We really did think it was considerate of Catch of the Day to leave us this secret access to her chambers. Before we knew it, shoes were off, tinnies iced, chairs sat on and beers popped. After a while we thought we heard voices outside and, assuming it was hashers, left the house, or at least I did. Our illustrious GM shut the door behind him and immediately came over all sheepish. “I’ve just locked us out,” he admitted, laughing gaily. Then the awful truth dawned. The  key, probably the only key, was indoors, and there was no way of bypassing it without the fire brigade. “Shit, what are we gonna do?” Salesman’s immediate impulse was to do a runner – jump on his bike and pretend he’d never been there. There was one problem with his plan. My shoes and jacket were still inside the house, we were miles from nowhere and it was freezing. Happily the Salesman plight-or-flight dilemma was resolved with the return of the pack all shiggly with goodness. Humble apologies on bended knee were proffered to She, who…produced another key from her pants!

We trooped in as Catch of the Day produced a bottle of white wine and some salami, then a bottle of red wine, nachos, beer, chocolate…there was no end to the hospitality, and as the perfect hostess she even pulled her pants down to show us something interesting on her buttocks.

Saved by the Belle indeed!

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