Welcome to a landmark blog post – post no. 100. To mark it, we have a special write-up.
“We’re all dooomed, DOOOMED, I’ll tell yee…”
By Luk Sup Gow
The scene: Ho Pui Village (just ootside of Scotland). The Hare: Dram
Usual man not working wants to get the pack going early, no committee, usual man working getting beer is late scenario…and welcome back to NT hash running for me!
Usual hare nonsense…“Four trails set for the evening: rambos, wimps, superwimps and confusion – if you don’t want to go up the hill, take the rambo split and all will be plain as mud to get home…but it’s not marked…”
Cough, splutter and they’re off!!!
Like a troop of well fed zombies, the pack lollopped their way UP and out of the village…this is where the pack became no more and the hashers became separate entities for the evening…UP the catchwater, UP the mountain bike track…and still no sign of the wimp/rambo split. The lone hashers in the mist and rain did different trails, ran into each other, ran away from each other but all within earshot of each across the spooky Ho Pui Reservoir…
Meanwhile back in the village, the hare slept on the comfiest sofa in whole wide world…dreaming of conserving his camera batteries by switching off the flash utility…
….dreaming of his next letter to the SCMP….
I would like to complain about an incident that was perpetrated against my good self on the afternoon of Weds 7th May 2014, whilst I was out cycling the rolling hills around Ho Pui Reservoir. To my horror I came upon a wild Scotsman, flaying his arms and speaking in tongues of undetermined origins. He was flinging suspect white substances (I suspect it was cocaine) and soiled toilet paper all over the place – I assumed that he was either high on drugs or a complete lunatic. Not only this but he was using chalk sticks to doodle on every exposed rock that he could find, there were drawings of large women’s breasts, satanic circles and what I assume is code for “you’ll never take me alive” – NO NO. There were even arrows to guide him back to whatever looney bin he came from. I left him to his own devices and I feared that I may be subject to physical harm, as it was very apparent that he hated the sight of my bicycle!
Imagine my horror now turned to downright disbelief, as not only was the mountain biking trail now littered with paper, flour and chalk profanities but the path was also covered in muddy footprints and putting my life in complete danger. If my tyre was to so much as touch one of these trainer footprints, I would be off and surely die…
Signed: D. Miller
.…”what was that, did I drop off?… and… ZZZZzzzzzz….”. Meanwhile back in the land of nod…
As an avid cyclist and a love of tearing down the countryside paths on my mountain bike, I have discussing with a fellow cyclist the rules and regulations regarding the cycling ordinance in Hong Kong. I have thought deeply about writing this letter and have the following questions:-
|Where designated cycle paths are available, you cannot ride on the road alongside.|
How am I supposed to win the Olympics or the Tour de France if this is the case?
|Every bike must have a bell, and no other warning system is allowed (such as a horn or perhaps even a loud shout!).|
Seriously, how can I carry a church bell and cycle at the same time – surely that is really dangerous?
|When ridden at night (or in poor visibility), a cycle must be fitted with a white lightat front and a red light at the back.A rear-facing reflector is required, apparently at any time. It should be at least 40 mm diameter or equivalent.|
My fellow cyclist rides a unicycle and wants to know how to hold the bell, the white light, red light, the reflector and still maintain a safe balance? Again another set of dangerous rules.
|A brake must be fitted to any unicycle, bicycle, tricycle, or multicycle wheel larger than 460 mm.|
Again my unicyclist friend does not like this rule, he keeps breaking his nose!
|Cycling while under the influence of drugs or alcohol can result in a fine the first time, and up to three months imprisonment for a repeated offence.|
Ha ha ha….
Signed: Clucking Bell
…..”Arrggghhh, I’m having a nightmare. Um, Oh, you’re back… Ock aye the noo!”
No committee, the circle is called and the nightmare continues…