Run 1646, Wishing Tree, 23 July 2014

Man(go) Lurve

By a special forces correspondent

Soldiers holding hands to coincide with gay pride events in Tel Aviv
Mango and Dorias at the finish

Oh my gosh…oh my goodness me, what a night. Turning up at “A”, the Wishing Tree, Lam Tsuen around 7.20pm, an unbelievable number of hashers were present. We had the usual dregs you know: Eunuch, Stingray, One Eyed Jack, etc, followed by numerous visitors from all corners of the globe. There was Tooth Fairy from Tai Wai, Big Bonehead from Kam Tin, Dram fresh off the plane from Scotland, Dorias and Warrington from the UK plus mystery hares who were out setting trail. As we patiently waited for the hare the super young and super fit brothers, Dorias and Warrington, entertained us with their account of the Shek Kong Hash run the previous Sunday. Then principal hare Dingaling called us to attention at 7.50pm giving instructions such as “If you get lost don’t come back here…it’s an A to B”. As the usual heckling ensued, Dingaling continued, “There’s a walkers, a wimps and a rambos…the rambos has a small hill”. At this point most of the pack looked across and towards the landscape shouting “Do you mean that small hill or that small hill?” pointing towards Tai To Yan and Cloudy Hill.

Finally we set off, round the back of the village and onto the first check where both Catch Of The Day and Liberace found trail rightwards following the nullah. After some serious front running by Big Bonehead we came upon a check that had the pack bamboozled as everyone headed right and along the road whereas real trail was found further on into what looked to be a dead end but was in fact a nice bit of shiggy. The trail took us out of the lower village exit onto a check where you could either go left up the steps or right down into the subway and back onto Lam Kam Road. At this point the pack of nearly 20 runners suddenly split into four runners who found trail easily in the subway (Eunuch, Tooth Fairy, Dorias and Mango) and the rest who went up the steps on no trail whatsoever. As we came out onto the other side of Lam Kam Road we headed back up for about 500 metres followed by a left into Hang Ha Po village. We had a pretty decent idea where B was and in our usual New Territories fashion at every point where there was even the scent of a hill climb we took it. Eunuch must have run up every possible hill slope in the village, but all the time the trail kept us on the village paths with some clever checks keeping everyone together before the rambos / wimps split. The rambos trail kept us running northwards through a few more checks before bringing us out onto the new road which did have a bit of an incline and was in fact the small hill that the hare had referred to. A final check took us right and back onto Lam Kam Road in front Leafy Glade and then a short sprint to the finish at the Mellors’ residence. It must be noted that Mango, in a show of unlikely and shamefully competitive running, managed to keep up with Dorias who is a British Army officer and more than half his age. Not only this, Mango also made him hold his hand upon crossing the finish line in order to claim the gold medal. Mango has since apologized for his disgraceful behaviour and will now make a special effort to return to his usual SCB ways. The mystery hare was in fact Twanx (with help from Rogan Josh) and at the finish there were even more people.

This weeks scribe counted 30 adults, many children and a dog and all in attendance for the real celebration of the evening: Overdue’s 30th year in Hong Kong. After toasting this occasion with champagne our attention turned towards the circle. Oh, we don’t have a GM!!!…Yes we do!!! Who? …Big Bonehead!!!. Poor Bonehead had only turned up for a quick run with Kimberly before trekking to the UK and now he was to be thrown into the lions’ den of a New Territories Circle…with the biggest turnout since our 1500th run. As Big Bonehead tried to get himself out of doing the circle with all weird and wonderful excuses he was not getting any sympathy from LSG, BJ, Stingray, Golden Balls and Eunuch, who he tried to give this responsibility to. Eventually a circle was formed and Big Bonehead did a super job with the down downs, eventually leaving the circle to run itself with a memorable DD from Liberace who spent the whole day Saturday helping COTD move, he thought it would only take a couple of hours and had another appointment booked for later in the day, but when COTD finished with him he had no energy left for his second job. Liberace simply could not understand how a single woman could have so much to move.

After the circle Ovedue prepared an assortment of food including curry, chips, salami, salad, and bread with tomato and herb toppings. After drinking ourselves silly we decided it was time for bed and headed home to dream of the next chapter in our great history. Excellent run thanks to Dingaling, Twanx, Overdue and Rogan Josh.

Mango’s predilections are further revealed in this transcript of email communications between Mango Groove and Eunuch, who always gives Mango a lift from Hong Lok Yuen to the run.

2 July

Mango: Will you be at HLY tonight?

Eunuch: Yes, I’ll be there with my automobile.

9 July

Mango: Will you be at HLY tonight?

Eunuch: Yes, and Kin will be there too.

16 July

Mango: Will you be at HLY tonight?

Eunuch: No! I shall go straight to the run.

23 July

Mango: I shall go directly to the run tonight!

Eunuch: Oh I see, I let you down that one time and now you don’t want a lift anymore. I shall not forget this.

Mango: Even though you have hurt me and dissed me in the past I will always luv you. But we must move on from this.

Eunuch: I was faking it Bitch!!!

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Run 1645, Kwai Hing, 16 July 2014

The Tunnels

bat-tunnel copy

Catch Of The Day once again sprang a joint run with Little Sai Wan upon the Northern. There was much initial confusion and misinformation in the lead-up to the run but in the event the normal joint run scenario developed: LSW setting off at 7 with us setting off 45 minutes later; them with their plastic bin liner and not enough booze; us with our esky brimful of ice and coldies; them with their athletes, us with our physical wrecks; them with their post-run showers, us with our summer-rules stinkies; them with their restaurant and song, us with our hanging out at the esky indulging in degrading behaviour and chemical-induced craic.

The hare and SP Crash Test Dummy even put on a special A to A trail for us in deference to the drivers, while LSW started near the MTR on an A to B. Trail went out along Tai Wo Hau Road and around the houses and footbridges of the bleak urban area. An aura of foreboding. Is this going to be a crappy city run? But no: on Castle Peak Road trail went up some steps. And up and up and up. Then when you thought it had finished it went up again. Whither trail? we pondered as we dragged our aching limbs ever higher. Suddenly we were on Smugglers’ Ridge with no idea why. At a check, Liberace went a long way downhill before Eunuch called on-on further up the trail, but Liberace disappeared into the blackness yelling, “I’m not going all the way back up there. F*ucking guy!”

Then we were in the tunnels of the Shing Mun Redoubt, beloved by Eunuch and be despised by Mango, who “got the willies” in there all on his own as the bats flew at him. The route was straight down the main tunnel highway ignoring the turn-offs, much to Eunuch’s disappointment. Then it was back to Smugglers’ Ridge territory and all the way down to the Kwai Hing park we started from. LSW’s Cheesy Flying Fox was first in by a country mile with Eunuch taking the Northern honours ahead of shortcutter Liberace, One Eyed Jack, Stingray, Mango, Ah Duck and latelatecomer Golden Balls, who took one look at the stairway to heaven and decided to do a “recce” instead.

We got back to find LSW had appropriated our esky and ice because their ice had melted and their beer was warm, but we didn’t care because we’d had a good run. The hashes mingled for a while, but not too long as LSW had all had showers and we stank. After they departed for the restaurant we hung out in the darkest corner of the park, chosen by COTD for its particular aroma of wee and the destitute Al Qaeda guy on the next bench , who kept eyeing us suspiciously from behind his cardboard boxes.

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Run 1644, Tai Lam, 9 July 2014

The Slabs

The descent – sort of
The descent – sort of

Golden Balls stood in for Dingaling, who was out of town, with a hastily put together trail on home soil. It was Tai Lam village, but not the usual start from the playground next to the kindergarten. This time we started across the river in a large concrete playground on the riverbank. Runners: Stingray, Gunpowder Plod, Velcro Lips, Eunuch, Mango Groove, Liberace, One Eyed Jack, Catch Of The Day, Ah Duck.

Trail led over the river bridge to Tai Lam Chung Road towards the prison camp, then immediately went right into the village and left up the hill through a wooded area of dense Nephila webs that GB and SP Golden Jelly claimed to have cleared. A check in the uplands delayed most of the pack with only Mango and Eunuch getting away, not to be seen again. Trail went through a short bamboo grove section then hit a lovely woodland trail that eventually led down to the women’s prison. A shortish catchwater section and a crossing of the reservoir dam gave the concrete-lovers a bit of a run-out before the rambo-wimp split, with Stingray, Plod and Velcro opting for the short course. When marathon runner Stingray was quizzed as to why he didn’t do the full course, he replied, “Why spoil a good trail?” He was on concrete all the way home.

The Rambo trail went on the track skirting the reservoir and then up up through shiggy to the summit of the Siu Lam hill and started descending towards the loony prison. A checkback caught everybody out as the actual trail veered off left onto the tilted granite slabs that characterise this hillside. Most of the descent was on rocky outcrop and indeed the hare had warned about it being slippery when wet. Happily the forecasted thunderstorms never struck and after a great shiggy descent trail came out in the village just a couple of minutes’ trot from the playground. Eunuch and Mango jogged in first in just under an hour, with the rest following in dribs and drabs over the next 20 minutes. Unable to short cut, One Eyed Jack was last.

GB’s daughter Ruthless turned up for the circle. It was her birthday in a few days and GB had nicked a shiny new stunt unicycle from work as a surprise present for her, which was hiddn, covered up by a tarpaulin on one of the park benches, but Mango Groove roamed apace and sure enough the cry rang out clear in the night: “There’s a unicycle here!”

Gift was swiftly given as Mango clutched his nuts, and then Ruthless and Eunuch took turns entertaining the masses on the contraption. Velcro delivered a brief circle then Golden Jelly got the chilli and rice going. Delicious!

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Run 1643, Pok Wai, 2 July 2014

Nowhere Men

By Catch Of The Day

nowhere

In the car from Hong Lok Yuen, Mango Groove and Eunuch were discussing LGBT (Lesbian + Gay + Bisexual + Transvestite). As I was enthusiastically listing them I learned a new English word, Polygamy, when Eunuch said bisexuals are polygamous because they can’t be satisfied by one gender.

When we arrived at the Pok Wai Caltex station, Mango read the description from his new Samsung telephone which had been sitting in his drawer more than three years, and said keep going and turn at Sinopec. Eunuch kept driving till we got into the middle of nowhere. Mango got out and started barking at an old dog. Eunuch picked up Mango’s phone and tried to read the description again by using his two fingers to enlarge the display, but Mango’s new Samsung telephone has no such a function because it is a three years old model. Eunuch put his eyes soooo close to the display and finally read the description and found that Mango was WRONG.

We drove back to Caltex and Found Merry Garden.

Hare Monkeyshit mentioned that he was bitten on his ankle when setting the run in the shaggy, but didn’t know what was it. He also mentioned three savage unchained dogs side by side, so we were all expecting a spooky trail. It was very hot.

Golden Balls, One Eyed Jack, Stingray, Mango, Eunuch and Catch Of The Day set off on trail. Liberace started late. The run was flat and…flat.

DigTree_Becker_Desolation
The trail

The highest hill was the pedestrian bridge over the highway. We ran through several garbage paths and muddy trails of Fung Kat Heung and Shui Mei. Eunuch was attacked by a snake GB later identified as a poisonous red-necked keelback, but it missed him.

Mango was standing at a check waiting for Eunuch and Stingray to solve it when he saw backmarker GB coming toward to him, he shouted ON ON. Eunuch and Stingray came back to the check, thinking Mango had found trail. This happened not once but three times. It seemed Mango wanted to keep the group together, and it helped indeed as all seven of us got back to Merry garden together. Monkey has now set two good runs for the Northern without having done a night run himself. His hare to run ratio is infinity.

In the absence of the GM, the GM2, the RA and the RA2, we appointed Liberace to be GM for the circle and a fine job he did. Apart from the poisonous snake, GB enjoyed his poison drinks, Mango poisoned Olive (Monkeyshit’s dog) with  crisps and Catch Of The Day was still suffering the poison ivy from two weeks ago. Liberace gave Eunuch a down down for his third child – a very good contribution to Hong Kong since the Government is encouraging more babies for the future.

Next weeks run is by GB at Tai Lam Chung and after that, on July 16, Catch Of The Day is setting a joint run with Little Sai Wan with an on-on at Kwai Hing.

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