The Results

The results are brought to us this week by ace football correspondent Stingray

EASTERN 7 – 1 TAI PO: Woeful performance against LSW last week, N2TH3 look to get back on winning track. (Fanling Sports Ground closed ? ed.)

HONG KONG 1 – 3 VIETNAM: Prematch Interview: manager Serbian stresses importance of tight marking mixed with lateral and reverse logic.

MAN CITY 1 – 0 EVERTON: Team bus and Team drugs go to wrong location, Eunuch misses kick off. Referee issues red cad to vacant space in line up.

BIRMINGHAM CITY LADIES 2 – 2 NOTTS COUNTY LADIES: GM Lips leads storming start but chaos follows closely, symptomatic of the following 3 hours.

NORTH KOREA 0 – 0 SOUTH KOREA: Pitch invasion by yelping puppy highlight of tedious first half. (or was it Liberace ed.)

KOBE 1 – 2 KAWASAKI-F: A game of two halves Wimps or Rambos has Catch of the Day in heated OCC debate.

NEWCASTLE 2 – 1 CHELSEA: Extended foreward play leaves leaders exposed at check back as Stingray surges ahead with a brilliantly conceived and meticulously executed counter attack.

LIVERPOOL 0 – 0 SUNDERLAND: Veteran Mango only manages short cut with boy friend. Is it the end for the past Liverpool hero. Two more yellow cards for the merseysiders.

SOTON 1 – 2 MAN UTD: Penile Dementia matches look-a-like Wayne Rooney, equaling his scoring record and scraping the Reds home in their usual lucky style.

STOKE 3 – 2 ARSENAL: G Balls begging continual advice still comes up just short. Fans urge a new diet or a hunger strike.

QPR 2 – 0 BURNLEY: There was no Cup in the circle after this rock bottom performance, GM Lips tries to stand tall but the celebrations have been canned. TIUTABIAMAFFW sent back to UK for psychological repairs.

LUTON 3 – 0 MANSFIELD: Fresh name calling and abuse in the home boy crowd alienates true fans and prompts a press blackout

JAPAN 1 – 4 COLOMBIA: Shock admission of Japan star pissing about, leaves football authorities demanding video replay evidence.

WEST HAM 3 – 1 SWANSEA: Manager admits ‘if we could only get back Stingray, we would be unbeatable’.

Next Week: TAIPO WORLD CUP KNOCKOUT FINALS Line-up likely to feature Kings Belly, 133, Hungry Hippo, Magic Penguin, Bar Pacific, M1, Baby Q, Just Bar, Barbie Bar, Life Bar, After 5, guests and hangers on. Gili Galu is just returning from suspension and may make the team.