The Farmers’ Curse

As I was heading towards Tsiu Keng at the foot of the Kai Kung Leng massif I got a text from the GM: “Sorry, I’m busy tonight. Will have to leave mah boys to their own devices,” to which I replied, “So you don’t fancy trudging up and down the Cock Range then?” (Kai kung = male chicken.) The response was swift: “Cock? Nobody said anything about cocks or I’d have been there!” For heaven’s sake come back G-Spot, we can’t hold out much longer!

It was a small pack again: Stingray, Crash, Golden Balls, Liberace, Eunuch, Catch Of The Day, One Eyed Jack and Dingaling with Sam in tow. The precious and highly strung racehorse Mango Groove was a non-running latecomer, claiming to be resting before his 50km Green Power race on Saturday. All I can say is Eunuch and One Eyed Jack were entered in the same event.

Panic ensued before the start when it was realised that nobody had brought the drinks. A mayday call went out to Golden Jelly, who was nearby working on her farm. Yes, she had the leftover beer from last week. Yes, she had it in her car. Yes, she could bring them to the run. Saved by the Jell!

So off we set, heading west through the village, through a grove of palm trees and onto the paths around the fields. The first check took a few minutes to solve, and also claimed casualty no. 1 – Crash, who pulled a muscle in his calf. But it was as nought compared to the second check, where the numerous options available were all explored and explored again to no avail. Villagers and farmers were out with folded arms telling us there was no way that way, that way or any way but the way we’d just come. After 20 minutes a group of us headed back to the start to consult the hare.

Gaele Says No led us back to the check and was nonplussed to find no trail going through the banana grove where it should have been. Then the eagle-eyed Golden Balls spotted a fleck of flour – not a blob, just a tiny spot. A few more of these tiny spots revealed themselves as we were led through the shiggy. We surmised that the farmer had come out with his watering can and obliterated this section of trail. Probably one of the worthies who were standing around with folded arms.

This check claimed One Eyed Jack, Dingaling and Sam, who hadn’t attached themselves to the return-to-start group but milled round aimlessly a bit longer before giving up. Meanwhile a fine trail presented itself, crossing Fan Kam Road and winding through the seldom hashed villages and hills on the eastern side of Fan Kam Road. All the checks were hard and the remaining five on course came together several times. Finally, at a check by a house below a forested hillside, Stingray and Golden Balls ran through the galley kitchen and out onto a village concrete path. Deciding to abandon trail, they followed this path out a kilometre to Fan Kam Road, where they rediscovered markings. Back at the check, after farting around for another few minutes Liberace, Eunuch and Catch Of The Day also took the kitchen galley route home. All agreed it was a fine trail.

Meanwhile Golden Jelly had trucked in the beer and the hare had miraculously procured ice. So we were all set to give Gaele Says No a good figurative face slap with copious down downs for injuries, crap markings, nonexistent trail and lost hashers when he revealed he couldn’t have any beer as he was being “probed” the next day.

Very convenient!