Run 1694, 20 May 2015, Tai Po Market

A Wet One


Rain. Thunder. Lightning, even. It was 7.20pm, and Bukkake and Golden Jelly were stuck in static traffic at the Shing Mun Tunnel exit, with a car-full of hash beer, chewing each other’s nails. Their destination was the back end of Tai Po Market, site of Tangerine Dream’s office, from where Run 1694, hared by the same, was due to commence imminently. As Golden Jelly began raising the alarm with a series of telephone calls, Bukkake set his jaw to jutting and resolved that, no matter what, they would not fail in their mission to deliver the precious cargo. Suddenly – lo! – the traffic parted, and within what seemed like minutes and was in fact only minutes, they arrived at Po Yick Street.

Hardy hashers in various states of soddenness had already gathered, and were itching to get going. A brief and rather disconcerting briefing from Tangerine Dream (“The arrows are hidden under overhangs”), and the small pack (Catch Of The Day, Liberace, Mango Groove, Eunuch, Golden Jelly and Bukkake) was away. The route stayed close to the Lam Tsuen River channel in the early stages, with Mango muttering darkly about his intention to abandon the run if it showed any sign of heading towards Lin Au. When it did just that, however, it was the ever-sensible Golden Jelly who turned tail. The remaining five hashers ascended the steep road as the lowering thunder clouds moved in.

At a check just below Lin Au, Bukkake became separated from the pack – a mishap engineered by Catch Of The Day, who had urged him to “go further” down a path into a village area in search of trail. The search proved fruitless and at length distant cries of “Trail” were audible high above him, between thunderclaps. Back up he staggered, whimpering disconsolately. The pack, meanwhile, were engaged in a lively debate about whether to wait for him to catch up. In the end (and in spite of Liberace’s best efforts) they settled on the chivalrous course, and Catch Of The Day ran back to retrieve him. The rain was deluginous, which is a word I just made up. Thunder and lightning caused the hashers to cower cravenly with fright as the reunited pack traversed the high ground. Bukkake remarked enthusiastically on the mixed chorus of croaking frogs. Nobody gave a monkey’s. A mad scramble downhill followed, led by Liberace and his Unfeasibly Large Torch. Eunuch reminisced fondly on this being the site where, years ago, One-Eyed Jack fell and smashed his glasses, thus earning his hash name.

The final stages of the run took the hashers through the middle of Tai Po Market, where all but Liberace eluded Moonie, who had been sent out in the tempest to make sure everyone was alright. The relieved hashers swarmed back into Tangerine Dream’s office, bringing several gallons of rainwater with them, only to encounter a jovial Golden Balls, who had clearly already been at the hash beer. Tangerine Dream laid on a delicious chilli con carne, where she looked quite fetching. A disgruntled Moonie arrived soon afterwards, bitterly castigating the hashers for not following the trail properly. He quickly perked up upon cracking open his first Tsingtao.

A great evening. – Bukkake