Filthy, Festering, Fetid and Fuggy
With no time mentioned on Plod’s email, your scribe arrived at Pik Shui Sun Tsuen far too early at 6.30pm hoping for a 7pm start…25 mosquito bites later, the first hasher, Penile Dementia, arrived at 7pm to say , nope it’s a 7.30pm start. Sigh!
The hares, Gunpowder Plod and Joemel, arrived soon after looking tired, wet and, in Plod’s case, with a broken toe grrrrrrr! Plod then proceeded to undress and dress, then undress and dress again when he realised he’d put his trousers on inside out; Joemel’s fault apparently for not packing them in Plod’s bag the right way round! Chairs were soon found in a nearby rubbish dump by Penile Dementia and set up for the old codgers near the park entrance to count the hashers in.
The rest of the pack drove in, with Liberace taking ages to reverse his van. Parking loudly with his automatic horn, “STFU” yelled Plod! A greeting of “What are you doing here?” came from One Eyed Jack and “You’re not from around here are you?” from Mango Groove, made me feel very welcome…not! However, GM Velcro Lips and Catch Of The Day soon turned up and greeted me kindly so all was well again! Mango Groove blinded people with his new Excel Source torch he’d bought online for GBP16.99 but then was really upset to find out that Catch Of The Day had bought the exact same for RMB5 in China. So as light travels faster than sound, he’s seems bright at first until sound comes out of his mouth! After this, Eunuch tore in on his 125cc Lambretta closely pursued by Anus the Horrible and Bukkake with the buckets.
With very detailed instructions from Plod on the various markings, including coloured pink ribbons, yellow ribbons, double ribbons, toilet paper, flour but no chalk, (thunderstorms being expected) and how to identify the rambo/wimp split, a number of questions followed. The pack was finally sent on their way at around 7.45pm. (Note the time for the future, I might even make those really far off runs after all!)
The first section was a loop around and back on to Pik Sui Sun Tsuen Road and then up a hill where Anus the Horrible yelled ribbon. It turned out to be incorrect yellow plastic ribbon which was apparently placed there by the hare to confuse the pack. So back down the hill, half way to find a trail to the right or left depending on which direction you’re coming from and through some pretty shitty shiggy. Through the bush up some muddy paths and then back onto a trail. Eunuch upset that he was now at the back and Mango Groove really pleased with himself that he was FRB. A tricky two-way check was then found, with Eunuch declaring it could go either way! Eunuch then went left while most of the pack went right. Eunuch was right. (I thought he went left – Ed.)
Calls were clearly heard on down – a nice change from other hashes. After a checkback at the bottom, the trail led right through a graveyard and down to a check on the road. Down the road a bit to a sneaky left turn back into the shiggy. Well done hares for finding this path in the first place. The pack then ran/crawled/stumbled through, and mostly up, dense heather following toilet paper trail to finally a pretty little clearing with a chair and a great view of the sea.
The trail then led us over a cultivated lawn that looked very much like private property, but which Plod had promised was in fact government land, past a barbed wire fence. Barking dogs, searchlights and clanging alarms frightened the FRBs. What was behind those walls, the Crown Jewels? Then up along a slippery path with more air conditioners than Fortress had in stock to the wimp/rambo split, clearly marked with two pink ribbons. The wimps (Filthy Festering Felch Monster, One Eyed Jack and the GM) continued on up the road, past the original trail and then straight up and around then down to the road back to beer, crisps and A. Plod and Joemel were going through the beers and the crisps as we arrived. The rambos followed about 35 mins later, so an excellent run on a hot, sweaty night of about 1 hour 5 minutes. Well done hares.
The Rambos trail went left at the split back into the shiggy then down to the beach via a couple of awkward shiggy checks onto the long shiggy contour path above the shore. This was marked with Plod’s shredded early versions of his Little Red Swear Book and drafts of his soon to be published memoirs, the aptly but obscurely named Accidental Prawn; there seemed to be an awful lot of it…then it was along the beach (a section about Mango and Eunuch cavorting naked in the waves intently ogled by Anus the Horrible has been deleted in the interests of hash decorum – Ed) and then back up 565 steps to the university and a couple of checks through Pik Shui San Tsuen on home, Eunuch in the van.
After a lot of drinking and munching, Velcro Lips called the circle to order and awarded the down-downs. I was pleasantly surprised to hear that the scribe did not have to record any further incriminating evidence, but the DDs were hilarious with Joemel named Jam the Vag by RA Mango and a number of 69 drinks awarded…the rest well, you had to be there!
On On to the 1700 Anniversary Run… – Filthy Festering Felch Monster
Thanks to Gunpowder Plod who acted as Ed.