Run 1708, 26 August 2015, Ho Pui

You Spin Me Right Round Baby…Right Round….

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The hare this week, Big Bonehead, surprised us all by setting his run not from Noble Park but instead the pleasant village of Ho Pui, so pleasant even the little children said hello to Mango Groove. On arriving, the early hounds Golden Balls and Golden Jelly got the beer buckets ready and located in the village park only to be told that the hare was not staying put and needed to go home for a quick sleep before the circle. Turned out he wanted to get the car home and then come back and neck beer. So the buckets and ice were lugged back to the car and locked in and the key given to Bonehead, who was told to get back before the pack on pain of torture.

The rest of the pack arrived in dribs and drabs – One Eyed Jack, Eunuch, Zadic, Catch Of The Day, Liberace. Serbian Bomber, Velcro Lips, Stingray and Penile Dementia – and after the hare had given instructions we headed off towards the minibus stop in the village, where Golden Balls found trail through the houses and out towards the railway line. After a couple more checks we ended up on the road / cycle track alongside the MTR. Now as we were heading quite happily along the road, Golden Balls promptly declared we shouldn’t keep going straight as it was bound to be a check back. On listening to Golden Balls we crossed the bridge – Serbian Bomber storming into the lead – to see an arrow, which proved Golden Balls was right. However, his proud Nostradamus-like prediction was soon neutralized when we actually came upon a check back at the end of the bridge. Most of the pack ran back to the road but GB once again sniffed out trail down  a parallel track that led us away and out towards the villages. A destitute gwailo was seen slumped against the fence and surrounded by empty tinnies. “On on” we shouted as we hurdled him. At this point Eunuch disappeared, not to be seen until the end of the run, and One Eyed Jack staged a superb shortcut. As we ran out onto the flat village trails a check saw us head up a dirt and boulder track up for the first of a couple of hill climbs, where Golden Balls and Stingray were seen chatting away about washing machines.

The trail continued up to the catchment road and a check that fooled Liberace and Penile Dementia but not Mango, who went right and along the catchment before a second check took us up the second hill where, miraculously, One Eyed Jack was seen.

Back down on the road, Golden Balls and Golden Jelly decided it was a good opportunity to abort trail as they were pretty knackered after a day of swinging sledgehammers. Now Zadic, who was told to beat Golden Balls at all costs (by COTD) decided she must follow the Golden couple and promptly raced Golden Balls back to the bucket, only to complain that the run was too short before doing multiple circuits of the playground. The hare just beat them in and was busy smoking his first beer.

Back on the run… The trail then went straight for a while along some rough track before a check took us right, down the mountain bike trail and onto another check by the reservoir. Liberace and the rest of the pack ran over the bridge and onto a three way check that led us upwards and over Tai Lam Tunnel. After another kilometre of running a check back was encountered that directed us down some hidden steps onto the lower catchment and onto another check back. This took us right and down through some shiggy before a long run in through he piggy smelling area and eventually through the village. Most were back in just over an hour apart from Velcro Lips who ended up with Stingray and had to listen to his story about his washing machine, how he sat and watched it for an hour and how he thinks it would be a brilliant GM in the future.   As usual everyone worried about Serbian Bomber, who was still out on the run after an hour and a half but as usual he managed to find his way back safely, albeit with a mysteriously cracked iPhone.

The circle was called and Stingray was given a few down downs for his washing machine escapade – and prompting G-Spot to say he needed this chap. Eunuch was given a deserved down down for finding a guitar in the ladies toilet and then annoying us by trying to play the out of tune piece of crap – but no down down for being in the ladies toilet in the first place. Catch Of The Day was punished for wanting to take the guitar home “to practise on”. The GM was also given a down down for being the spitting image of the US ambassador to France (according to One Eyed Jack, who habitually cruises the internet for tall blondes). Others down downs included the hare of course and finally Zadic was named Smooth Operator as her name is pronounced Sade. Must be said the hare set an absolutely brilliant run this week, thanks Big Bonehead. – Mango Groove

Run 1707, 19 August 2015, Yuen Long

Parklife

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“Dram, do you know you’re hare tomorrow?”

“Cripes, no. I’ve got no time to recce. Let’s see … OK, I’ll set a run from that little park in Yuen Long, the one we always run from near Transportation Plaza and the daipaidongs.”

Thus the map went out on the morning of the run showing the park we always run from in Yuen Long near Transportation Plaza and the daipaidongs. Unfortunately it was the wrong park. Nobody had taken into account Dram’s extreme age (he’s been hashing since 1927 when he lost his shirt in the great Icelandic iceberg disaster). It was a testament to the pulling power of the daipaidong (or was it Dram?) that eventually 17 hashers turned up for the event, with 14 of them actually running, despite half the pack going to the wrong park. The right park was a horrible heat-reflecting hard-top affair with basketball hoops and swings and “ladies” and all sorts of shady looking characters, called Yuen Long Jockey Club Town Square, and just the sort of place you could imagine a young Dram hanging out in back in the day. Because certainly none of the pack had ever run from there.

There was drama a-plenty before the run, what with runners going to the wrong park and everything, and G-Spot and Golden Balls missing the start because they were haggling in the torch shop, and Velcro Lips gouging her shin on some park masonry. “You’ll be back in 45,” declared the hare. “You probably won’t need those torches…”

Walky Talky and Sam Miguel were the early leaders, and with both having set runs from the park we always run from they knew the lie of the land. They were not seen again. Neither was Eunuch, at least until the last kilometre, after going the wrong way in the villages south of town. Big Moany kept pontificating sanctimoniously about how trail couldn’t possibly go in such and such a direction or it would be a crap run; every time he was wrong. Catch Of The Day and her friend Sade did most of the early trail-finding. Golden Balls, G-Spot, Penile Dementia and Stingray were in the mix as trail went towards Pok Oi Hospital, crossed Castle Peak Road, did a loop, then recrossed Castle Peak Road to go through Yoho. This was where Mango Groove and Liberace caught the front-runners, having missed the start by going to the park we always run from. One Eyed Jack, it goes without saying, short cut.

Back at the town square, on this sweltering night, there was, wait for it, NO ESKY. Thus it was that after a few emergency tininess from the nearby Circle K we decamped to the daipaidong for the usual gwai-Chi fodder and loads of Tsingtao, where non-runners Fartypants and 69K were in attendance. Circle was conducted LSW-style after the meal by Velcro Lips and Mango Groove.

A good night’s hashing after an inauspicious start. Did somebody mention Shaffi’s?

Run 1706, 12 August 2015, Mai Po

Flat as a Blueberry Pancake

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A colleague who used to do PR for the Macau Grand Prix said that when Murray Walker would come for the commentary they’d always give him a challenge – a phrase to work into the commentary. One of these was “flat as a blueberry pancake”. He got it in without missing a beat after a driver was overtaken: “And he must be feeling flat as a blueberry pancake right now…” They don’t make them like that any more.

And that’s exactly what could be said about Stingray’s run at Mai Po. They don’t make them like that any more.

I can’t remember much about the trail because there was an office party that afternoon and after several margaritas – diluted by a couple of beers on the way to Mai Po – I was feeling no pain. I walked most of it. There were berms between ponds, there were roads, there were gravel tracks, there were villages, there was no elevation change. At one point my foot went precisely into a hole exactly the same size as my shoe and I went sprawling on my belly – flat as a blueberry pancake – while my torch skittered off into the nearest pond. After that it was easy.

The pack was getting back up to size as hashers returned from their summer breaks. GM2 Serbian Bomber led the circle. Also in attendance were Penile Dementia, Golden Jelly, Liberace, Eunuch, Catch Of The Day, One Eyed Jack, Dingaling, Sam and myself. The circle was one of those impromptu self-perpetuating things where nobody wanted it to end, until Golden Jelly stamped her little feet and said she had to get up in six hours. So off we went. – Golden Balls

Stingray training to set his run on the flat and waterlogged South Downs
Stingray training to set his run on the flat and waterlogged South Downs

Run 1705, 5 August 2015, Kwai Chung

Head East

The summer-holiday ravaged packette – Liberace, Eunuch, Golden Jelly, Golden Balls – met on the streets of industrial Kwai Chung with not a hash marking in site, never mind a hare. But Liberace had received a text briefing from Catch Of The Day. “I’ll be out setting the run when you arrive. Go to the front of my building where Mango got locked out last time. Head east” So we went there and found a north-south-trending road. Liberace and Eunuch loped off south, heading straight past a pair of huge arrows directing us to climb over the railings and cross the road. Golden Jelly called them back and all four dodged traffic and set out on trail.

Up an escalator, through a housing estate and then up up up steps to the ridge of Golden Hill. Along the ridge trail, where the two wimps devised their own shortcut down down down more steps. The rambos’ torches could be seen descending a more distant line and the odd call could be heard through the dead air. The two trails joined at a catch water and from there it was another kilometre back through the streets of Kwai Chung and into the industrial building to the penthouse unit Catch Of The Day now calls home. A pleasant outing lubricated afterwards by some of the red wine left over from some notorious party a few months ago.

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For the record

Run 1704 – Tai Mo Shan, hare Penile Dementia

Run 1703 – Shing Mun Reservoir, hare Eunuch

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