Run 1707, 19 August 2015, Yuen Long



“Dram, do you know you’re hare tomorrow?”

“Cripes, no. I’ve got no time to recce. Let’s see … OK, I’ll set a run from that little park in Yuen Long, the one we always run from near Transportation Plaza and the daipaidongs.”

Thus the map went out on the morning of the run showing the park we always run from in Yuen Long near Transportation Plaza and the daipaidongs. Unfortunately it was the wrong park. Nobody had taken into account Dram’s extreme age (he’s been hashing since 1927 when he lost his shirt in the great Icelandic iceberg disaster). It was a testament to the pulling power of the daipaidong (or was it Dram?) that eventually 17 hashers turned up for the event, with 14 of them actually running, despite half the pack going to the wrong park. The right park was a horrible heat-reflecting hard-top affair with basketball hoops and swings and “ladies” and all sorts of shady looking characters, called Yuen Long Jockey Club Town Square, and just the sort of place you could imagine a young Dram hanging out in back in the day. Because certainly none of the pack had ever run from there.

There was drama a-plenty before the run, what with runners going to the wrong park and everything, and G-Spot and Golden Balls missing the start because they were haggling in the torch shop, and Velcro Lips gouging her shin on some park masonry. “You’ll be back in 45,” declared the hare. “You probably won’t need those torches…”

Walky Talky and Sam Miguel were the early leaders, and with both having set runs from the park we always run from they knew the lie of the land. They were not seen again. Neither was Eunuch, at least until the last kilometre, after going the wrong way in the villages south of town. Big Moany kept pontificating sanctimoniously about how trail couldn’t possibly go in such and such a direction or it would be a crap run; every time he was wrong. Catch Of The Day and her friend Sade did most of the early trail-finding. Golden Balls, G-Spot, Penile Dementia and Stingray were in the mix as trail went towards Pok Oi Hospital, crossed Castle Peak Road, did a loop, then recrossed Castle Peak Road to go through Yoho. This was where Mango Groove and Liberace caught the front-runners, having missed the start by going to the park we always run from. One Eyed Jack, it goes without saying, short cut.

Back at the town square, on this sweltering night, there was, wait for it, NO ESKY. Thus it was that after a few emergency tininess from the nearby Circle K we decamped to the daipaidong for the usual gwai-Chi fodder and loads of Tsingtao, where non-runners Fartypants and 69K were in attendance. Circle was conducted LSW-style after the meal by Velcro Lips and Mango Groove.

A good night’s hashing after an inauspicious start. Did somebody mention Shaffi’s?

Run 1706, 12 August 2015, Mai Po

Flat as a Blueberry Pancake


A colleague who used to do PR for the Macau Grand Prix said that when Murray Walker would come for the commentary they’d always give him a challenge – a phrase to work into the commentary. One of these was “flat as a blueberry pancake”. He got it in without missing a beat after a driver was overtaken: “And he must be feeling flat as a blueberry pancake right now…” They don’t make them like that any more.

And that’s exactly what could be said about Stingray’s run at Mai Po. They don’t make them like that any more.

I can’t remember much about the trail because there was an office party that afternoon and after several margaritas – diluted by a couple of beers on the way to Mai Po – I was feeling no pain. I walked most of it. There were berms between ponds, there were roads, there were gravel tracks, there were villages, there was no elevation change. At one point my foot went precisely into a hole exactly the same size as my shoe and I went sprawling on my belly – flat as a blueberry pancake – while my torch skittered off into the nearest pond. After that it was easy.

The pack was getting back up to size as hashers returned from their summer breaks. GM2 Serbian Bomber led the circle. Also in attendance were Penile Dementia, Golden Jelly, Liberace, Eunuch, Catch Of The Day, One Eyed Jack, Dingaling, Sam and myself. The circle was one of those impromptu self-perpetuating things where nobody wanted it to end, until Golden Jelly stamped her little feet and said she had to get up in six hours. So off we went. – Golden Balls

Stingray training to set his run on the flat and waterlogged South Downs
Stingray training to set his run on the flat and waterlogged South Downs