Run 1726, 16 December 2015, Christmas Pub Run, Tai Po

Crawling To A Record

PAY-Santacon-in-London-2015

This year was the first time for the pub “run” to be organised by the Chinese on the committee, and we set a new record. We met at 7pm at the King’s Belly as usual. Catch Of The Day and I met earlier at 6pm to prepare some games for the run. Eunuch, Big Moany and Victim all arrived in good time, followed by Penile Dementia, Vibrator, G-Spot, Mango Groove, Velcro Lips, One Eyed Jack, Golden Balls, Stingray, Chemical Ali, VD,  Hard Up, and Free Chickens, with Walky Talky and Anti Septic joining at the second pub.

l know we created a great record last year by doing more than 24 pubs. As l knew we couldn’t break that record this year, l preferred to go for another record. We set a new record by only doing seven pubs.

The GM set the first trial to the 133 on Kwong Fuk Road, then handed over to Velcro Lips to set the second leg. We chased her trail to the backstreets on the other side of Kwong Fuk Road, lost trail and couldn’t find any markings for about 20 minutes. Finally someone called Velcro and we tracked her down to a pub near the river far from Kwong Fuk Road. I can’t remember the name of this pub. Here, COTD held a game in which the GM asked some questions. Whoever knew the answer had to put their hand up immediately. If they answered right the one on his right had to drink a beer. If they answered wrong the one on his left had to drink. Almost everyone needed to down a beer in this game.

Then Big Moaney took over to the third pub, the Bobby London.
We had a lucky draw for Xmas gifts and GB took the mike to sing a song.

RA Penile Dementia set the trail to the fourth pub, whose name I don’t remember. Mango took over for the fifth bar. I don’t remember the name of this one either. Eunuch set trail to the sixth, a few steps away. The name of this pub is unknown to me.

The last hare was COTD. She led us back to the King’s Belly. We had a great drink there and the record-breaking pub run was completed. – Liberace

Run 1725, Wednesday 9 December, Tit Hang

What Trail?

What trail

The RA was out of town. This abject irresponsibility could have only one outcome: it rained. A lot. Hare Golden Jelly set a nice long rambo trail while SP Golden Balls wheezed his way over the wimps, both being caught in thunder and lightning on their respective exposed ridges surrounding the remote Tit Hang valley. So precipitate was the weather that the hare, on needing to “go” atop the hill, dropped her kecks only for a sudden squall to spy its opportunity, rush in and rain on her cheeks horizontally. Lo and behold, when the hares had finished laying trail it had all but disappeared.

A small pack gathered: Dram, Velcro Lips, Eunuch, Mango Groove, Liberace, Jacky Lam, and Catch Of The Day in a white Arctic snow trooper uniform, or was it a biohazard outfit to protect her from GB, only just out of hospital after trying to collect as many lung diseases at one time as he could? And so the briefing was delivered: “We’ve got a nice long rambo trail for you and a pleasant, short wimp. Only trouble is, it’s not there any more. So we’re going to explain to you how to do the wimps. If you see trail and you think the rambos is on, by all means have a go. But we can’t see any trail left. If the wimps is too short you can go round again.

“Out the back of the pigsty, over the bridge and up the hill to the check. You can try solving it but it’s not there. Turn left. Don’t mind the tethered cow blocking the path. It’s not dangerous, just inquisitive. Go out of the farm and along the road until you come to the check back, which isn’t there, then check back to the parked Mercedes and take the trail up the hill through the graves…” And so on.

Off the pack left, immediately splitting into runners (Eunuch, Mango, Liberace, COTD) and walkers (Dram, Velcro, Jacky). The first snafu came when the walkers arrived at the Mercedes and Dram and Velcro decided they’d had enough and went back to the start. Poor Jacky, who speaks less English than a heretic Spaniard who’s had his tongue inquisitioned, stood watching one group bound up the hill and the other group strolling back to the start, and was confused, not really knowing much about how the hash works. So he thought he’d better stick with the walkers and was bitterly disappointed to find himself five minutes later back at the start. For shame! So off he went again, on his own.

Meanwhile, confusion reigned on the hillside. Trail degenerated into shiggy. Mango spied the way but the other three were off beating around in the shiggy until that marvel of orientation, Liberace, called trail and they all charged off until they arrived at – a Mercedes. The recriminations flew. “I told you I was on trail,” whined Mango, and back up the hill they marched like demented Dukes of York. Once again Mango sniffed out the trail and once again the others bashed away in various directions through the shiggy. Eventually all reached the trig point at the top of the hill and solved the check, down a muddy trail, through a pylon, and out on to a road, where the R/W split was still visible, and Jacky was pointing clearly in the direction of the W. Mango sensibly did what he’d been told, but the others decided to try the rambos and charged off again, not along the road in the direction indicated but up the hill on the other side of the road. They were soon back to follow the R arrow but after half a mile without seeing any trail they slunk back to the start with their tails between their legs.

The hares laid on hot dogs with fantastic caramelised onions and baguettes with cheese and tomatoes, the beer and wine flowed and the craic crackled. All good.

Bonus

The GM discusses what Christmas means to him.

 

Run 1723, Saturday November 28 – the Saturday Run No. 8

The Longest Run……A torch for a daytime run?

DSC_0090

November 28th, 2015, run number 1723, Luk Dim Boon, Sha Lo Tung: remember this cos it is going down in our anals amongst the most notable of notables. We’ve had a few runs over our 32-year history that have surpassed the two hour mark – who can forget the Sick Old Wanker and Little Stinky runs that always seemed to last that long. The maestro hare Golden Balls has done a few long ones and more recently Plod with his combined Hong Kong Hash markings in Sai Kung. We have also had a couple of little baby runs, Zimmerframe and his 12 minute Luk Keng trail later undertaken by Go West and his nine and a half minute jaunt around Yuen Long. But today, one of our newest runners setting only his second run for the New Territories was going to wipe out all standing records….completely!!!

About 2:30pm web master Golden Balls sent out an email forwarded onwards by the hare Luk Dim Boon informing us that the trail may be a little bit long and if we intend to do the rambos then we should bring a torch. Fine…but this was a Saturday, we start at 3pm in daylight, it is not even December, the hare is just having a little joke. “Bollocks, I’m not bringing a torch, that’s just being silly”, this weeks scribe said to himself as he left home for Tai Wo to meet Liberace, who needed help in getting the drinks and ice. On meeting, a similar response was heard: “Mango, did you get the email? We will start at 3pm, no f***ing way we need torch…impossible…no run can go to dark today….that f***ing hare is trying to trick us because it will be a short run….it is only Sha Lo Tung we never have a long run from there…F***ing guy I not bring any torch!” “Yes, I think Luk Dim Boon is just having a joke…totally impossible to have a run until dark….and I haven’t got a torch either!” Came the response from Mango. “Anyway Mango, let’s get the beer and softies and Luk Dim Boon wants some water because he’s dehydrated…he has been setting the trail since seven o’clock this morning…I don’t think he’s telling the truth, no hare ever takes that long to set a trail.”

As Liberace and Mango arrived at the top of Sha Lo Tung road the pack had already assembled, Red Rump (who had cycled all the way from Shatin), Dram, Big Bonehead, Gaelle Says No, Gunpowder Plod, T-Bird, One Eyed Jack, Ben (a long time friend of the hare) Golden Balls (who looked very unwell and opted not to run) and Salesman who arrived a little bit later. Chatting away to Ben, who was wearing a fancy T-shirt with Tokyo marathon across the front, we soon realised that he had done a trail with us before, the 1700th in July, but only took on the wimps as he figured we were all super athletes. Having realised that we consisted mainly of drinkers as opposed to runners, he proudly proclaimed that he was going to take on the rambos. One Eyed Jack reassured Ben that he was going to have no problems as the hare said the trail was about 11km in length and he would need to do it twice to get something from it. After a quick bit of group photo taking by T-Bird, the hare explained his markings, telling us that there would be a wimp / rambo split and again reiterated his warning about taking a torch. As the pack laughed at Luk Dim Boon’s amusing warning, the on on was called onto the first check at the base of Cloudy Hill.

A few hashers including Red Rump and Big Bonehead climbed up the steps only to hear shouts of on on heading straight toward the open fields near the village and onto another check. Liberace went straight leaving Gaelle Says No to correctly find trail going away from our usual route towards Hok Tau. A few more checks later and the pack were now running behind some deserted houses and into deep shiggy. The FRBs, Red Rump and Gaelle Says No, were heard calling from near a stream bed with a very crafty check that proved to be the undoing of Liberace. At the said check toilet paper could be seen to the right heading uphill. Liberace and Mango, who were together for a while, headed in this direction, but having not seen paper after five minutes of climbing Mango said to Liberace “Err GM, I think the hare has played a trick on us. I’m going back looking for trail over the gully.” No way, I see paper…must mean on on,” came the reply. As Mango went back to the check he did indeed find trail straight over and upwards and after throwing out a few expletives in the direction of the hare he shouted on on but Liberace was long gone. Dram, One Eyed Jack, Plod and Big Bonehead had also found trail in the correct direction and were seen heading up some lovely shiggy onto the rambo / wimp split. The wimps trail went back down the hill following a nice flat circuit before returning home for about a 5 km run. Meanwhile, Red Rump and Gaelle Says No could be seen in the distance, both having removed their shirts and going at a fast pace down into the river bed. Salesman, who had started behind everyone else and was by himself, found a check back off the river bed and eventually managed to find trail heading up a valley eventually into very deep shiggy.

After about 45 minutes and after scrambling through the deep shiggy, the trail opened out at the base of Wong Leng. Red Rump and Gaelle Says No could both be seen heading onto the first ridge and at this point Liberace had managed to catch up again with Mango, but there was no sign of Ben. The trail took us up and up and then down and down until we managed to get onto Pat Seng Leng ridge. By now we were almost two hours into the run and still had a long long way to get home. Liberace sped off once the trail got flat, leaving Mango and Salesman behind. True to his word, the hare was right and we did need a torch as it was getting dark. By the time we descended the steps back down to Hok Tau we were in pitch darkness. By this time Salesman had become completely delusional as he later spoke about seeing a very beautiful American woman dressed in black, who told him she was out hiking. Hang on a minute Salesman…Mango was only five minutes in front of you and he didn’t see any woman dressed in black…spooky! Poor Salesman, his encounter with the woman in black proved too much for him as he twisted his ankle pretty badly, something that took him many weeks to recover from. Returning to the bucket after almost two and a half hours Mango complained that the run was too short before getting down and doing 10 press ups. Red Rump managed to complete the run in less than two hours closely followed by Gaelle Says No, and Liberace and Salesman hobbled in a little later….but where was Ben?

It was now 6pm, we were in total darkness at the top of Sha Lo Tung, it was getting cold and Golden Balls was not looking very well. But we were not complaining as the hare had driven back down into Tai Wo to buy more beer to re-stock the bucket…he obviously knew something we did not. Seeing that Golden Balls was in distress One Eyed Jack offered to cut his evening short to get him home, just as well as later during the following week poor Golden Balls was admitted into hospital suffering from pneumonia, bronchitis and influenza…not caused by this weeks trail though. It was now getting late and a worried Plod took control…has anyone got a decent phone I need to call my wife but can’t get a signal. Mango kindly offered the use of his phone and overheard Plod telling his wife that his sausage and chips would have to wait as we have a new runner still on trail. By now Gaelle Says No had disappeared citing work commitments and Big Bonehead, Dram and T- Bird soon followed.  A little while later Plod decided his sausage and chips could wait no longer leaving the remaining five hashers to work out what to do about the lost Ben. It was now over three hours since the start of the run. Liberace asked if he had a phone on him, to which Luk Dim Boon replied yes but how can we call him, I have tried but cannot get a signal. Once again Mango pulled out his phone and contact was achieved with Ben. Apparently he was near the steps on the Pat Seng Leng Ridge. Assuming he was at the Wong Leng Steps heading back down into Hok Tau the pack decided he would be back within 20 minutes and continued drinking.

Another hour now went by and again a phone call was needed, this time by Liberace. It did not sound good, Ben had managed to turn himself around and was now completely lost in shiggy. Salesman and Liberace soon realised that we would have no chance of finding Ben in bush, so Liberace was advised to tell Ben to get back onto the ridge and wait for a rescue party. But who was going to be part of the promised rescue party. Liberace was too tired, Mango had done 10 press ups, Salesman had twisted his ankle. So Luk Dim Boon, who by now had consumed seven cans of beer, and Red Rump, who had cycled from Shatin up to Sha Lo Tung, done the trail in record time and consumed five cans of beer, was also chosen. As the rescue party headed off Mango grabbed another can of beer and entertained Salesman and Liberace with the Michael Jackson original version of “Ben” a song about a pet rat. As we waited in the cold darkness a call was received: we have found him we have found him. Right, let us keep an eye on the time this is going to be a record, Mango called. Exactly at 8pm Red Rump, Luk Dim Boon and Ben came in, for a trail that lasted five hours in total. After Ben managed to rehydrate himself he explained that he had got lost at a check in really dense shiggy, couldn’t find trail for nearly 45 minutes and managed to get himself onto the ridge and headed away from Hok Tau. Never mind Ben, let’s have a circle the other five hashers called. As the group of six formed a circle everyone received multiple downs downs with Liberace being on top form running the circle. Once the circle had finished it was almost 9 pm and we decided to call it a day. Red Rump clearly had not had enough exercise and chose to cycle back home to Shatin…what an athlete. Needless to say this was a superb run, a memorable run, a five hour run and of course a New Territories run! Just remember when the hare says to bring a torch you better listen!!! – Mango Groove

joe

 

 

Run 1722, 25 November 2015, Lion Rock Country Park

Amah Headless Chicken

Unseemly priapism
Unseemly priapism

My Landrover had broken down, so following Salesman’s description, I took MTR and bus, and got off at the bus stop next to the car park. I saw Mango Groove carrying something across the road, followed by Salesman who was putting arrows behind Mango Groove. I figured they were carrying BBQ stuff from the car park to the BBQ pits in Lion Rock Country Park. Oh yes, I remember Salesman said he is going to have a BBQ before or after the run. Moah was nervously keeping a look behind the rest of pack wondering if the hashers would be able to follow Salesman’s markings. I expect she knows her husband well.

Velcro Lips, One Eyed Jack, Penile Dementia, Stingray, Mango, Eunuch, Dingaling, Liberace, Golden Balls and a new guy, Vibrator, arrived at the BBQ pits and hung around for Salesman’s briefing.

“If you touch Amah Rock, you’ll get pregnant!” pronounced Mango the biologist. He thinks the rock is as powerful as the gigantic tackle between his legs. Golden Balls said to me, “He should have told you that a couple of years ago.”

“What? You mean I’m too old to get pregnant?”

“Don’t underestimate me” growled the gigantic camel toe between COTD’s legs.

“On on is that direction!” Salesman shouted after the pack had already departed without listening to his briefing. Moah gave him a big admiring glance.

Not too far from where we started we saw the first check. Liberace took the main stone steps up and Eunuch went to the shiggie trail followed by COTD. A few minutes later, somebody shouted ON ON from far west and all the others rushed there as they were scared of the dark and didn’t want to be left alone. A white arrow with two dots looks like a smiley face ON ON :-> leading us to Hung Mu Kuk Nature Trail and up to Wilson Trail section 5.

At the back, Dingaling decided to throw his torch down a sheer drop and climbed down to look for it in the blackness. Stingray came along and shone his light on Dingaling.

On the Wilson Trail catchwater, the 4th check was waiting for us. Eunuch, the first to arrive, went left (east) followed by COTD. Liberace checked the dirt trail to the south and Mango went right (west). Liberace came back to the check quickly and said “no trail”, but finding neither Mango nor Eunuch had yet called “ON ON” he realised he hadn’t gone far enough, and decided to go back to the trail again. Finally he called ON ON from the dirt trail where it split into two, this time to the right, which took us to Maclehose Trail section 5 pagoda.

The 5th check was next to a pagoda and sent Liberace, Eunuch and COTD in three different directions. Liberace shouted ARE YOU every second during his checking the trail down to the north. I took the Maclehose to the east and saw another circle mark next to garbage bins, thought this was set by another hash group and went back to the pagoda, but none of them had yet called ON ON, so I bounced back to the check next to the garbage and kept looking east along the Maclehose. Eventually Liberace called ON ON. I ran back to the garbage and Liberace pointed next to the check and said this is ON ON. :<

I bounced back eastwards again while Liberace took the steps up to Lion Rock peak. Soon he shouted ON ON and we all dashed up to the steps following him. Then Liberace shouted T. I bounced back to Maclehose east again. This was the third time. Well, finally I found a :-> and called ON ON.

Eunuch said what took you so long? I replied I was playing with my dolls in the garbage patch.

The trail let the pack have a nice easy run on the Maclehose for about a kilometre and then cut into the shiggy downhill all the way to the finish. From behind, Mango came tumbling down the stone path like some animal or mountain goat with no brain and disappeared in the dark. Zeazus (Jesus or Zeus – take your pick), he is really fast downhill indeed.

At the finish, Salesman and Moah welcomed runners with a nice smell of BBQ smoke. I found two chilled white wine bottles nicely sitting in the ice box. Looks like tonight is 5-star treatment for N2TH3.

Stingray with a big smile very decisively said to Mango “YOU SHORT CUT! SHORT CUT! YOU DID SHORT CUT!”. At the very end of the run, there was a small detour to the BBQ pits, but Mango Groove went through the shiggy trail, which only short cut a couple of metres. Stingray said “SHORT CUT IS SHORT CUT!” Yes, indeed, we give no mercy and no quarter on the hash!

The pack then decreed unanimously that Mango had indeed SHORT CUT. – Catch Of The Day