Run 1802, 3 May, Nai Chung

Muddy Waters


The Date: Wednesday, 3 May 2017 – Buddha’s 2,590th birthday and the second daytime run in 10 days

The Hares: Geriatric and Miami Vice – not quite as old as Buddha but close

The Start: Nai Chung = “Muddy Waters”, Sap Sei Heung near Wu Kai Sha

The Markings and Briefing by Geriatric: clear evidence of dissent on trail between the hares; confused markings and lack of clarity, no toilet paper! Only marginally better than Diane Abbott’s recent car crash radio interview:

The Run: The pack was off smartly at 3pm (thank you GM 🙂 and shot off down a path to the beach led by Gunpowder Plod and Dougal to the first check. Plod, suspecting a double-double bluff, headed left and the rest of the befuddled pack headed right; and they were right.

As Plod returned in the rear he heard the distant plaintive Gaelic wailings of another geriatric latecomer trying to catch up….

Plod eventually arrived at another check by the beach in time to see the pack milling about leaderless with Liberace leading a misguided charge of hopefuls into the bushes.

Apparently only Golden Balls and the GM braved the infamous muddy water crossing with poor wee Stunt Double (attempting to follow) seen rolling up his shorts before wading in over his head. His delectable wife Hoover left him too it, hands waving in the air, bubbling away, leaving him to be rescued by Penile Dementia and Oranguwank.

Meanwhile, Plod, with his local knowledge (three previous trails), sensibly led Bunter off through the village and around via road to Che Ha village, neatly intercepting the front-runners milling about at another check.

Plod once again took up the challenge [short cut] and ran through the village, encountering 9IC, DinDins and Ophelia exiting their pad (thinking the run was on Sunday).

However, only the faithful (but gadgetless) Bunter followed. On on was found beside the river but, not being bamboozled by the Hares’ feeble effort to lead the pack in the wrong direction, Plod again led Bunter across the bridge to find trail on the path heading towards the golf centre, the feeble-minded pack (FMP) eventually catching up at the base of the hill to the pier opposite Sam Pui Chau.

Here the FMP, bleating excitedly, charged over the hill and down the other side leaving Plod to lead Golden Balls (catching up for the fourth time) into the shiggy onto the real trail up the hill to the trig point.

Here they had plenty of time to stop and admire the fine views of Sam Pui Chau and Three Fathoms Cove before the FMP caught up again.

The trail then led down and through Tseng Tau village to the sea and then back up towards Sai Sha Road past the Garden Farm Golf Centre. The trail then split into rambos and wimps.

Plod chose wimps and found Golden Balls rampaging like a lost bull in Ma Kwu Lam village. After Plod had cooled Dougal with a nice garden hose shower, he led Golden Balls back on trail to safety through the woods and fields towards Che Ha village.

However, GB again got lost while picking daisies so Plod and Dougal finished the excellent trail after crossing Sai Sha Road into Kwun Hang village, circumnavigating the temple and dodging hordes of fork-wielding barbecuers en route to the finish in a perfectly judged 65 minutes.

Moonie however preceded Plod, having stormed round the rambos after claiming to be ill and not wanting to run. Second rambo Liberace was later found to have short cut, while Sticky outsprinted Oranguwank in a sickening display of competitiveness.

Two welcome returnees in the shape of Bukkake (here for a 2-month contract) and Seoul Man (5-day holiday) enhanced the run. Seoul Man was true to his name – the soles of both shoes had parted company with the uppers by the end of the run.

The Circle: Led by GM Serbian assisted by stand-in RA Mango, much cheap/free/past sell-by-date ale and cider provided by Sticky Aphid Bottom Exudate (aka Honey) and the remnants of the 1800 booze was consumed.

Mannequin maker Kevin was named My Neck In after a brief undemocratic vote in which most present shouted for a rubbish name.

Ophelia (DinDins exudate), the youngest member of the most exclusive hash in the Northern New Territories, was named Roadie-O after her father 9IC loaded her tricycle pannier with a large assortment of alcoholic beverages for his short walk home (photo). – Gunpowder Plod


The Pack: Moonie, Liberace, Sticky Apid, Oranguwank, Stunt Double, Hoover, G Spot, Serbian Bomber, Ivy, Dram, Catch Of The Day, Penile Dementia, Mango Groove, Kevin, Bunter, Golden Balls, Gunpowder Plod, Seoul Man, Bukkake

The non-runners: Geriatric, Miami Vice (hares), 9IC, DinDins, Roadie-O, Emily





Run 1801, 26 April, Hebe Haven

 Get Off My Land!

Get off my land

Hares Gunpowder Plod and Jam the Vag

The Brief “Police tape, checks, white string, red string, flour, shredded paper and toilet paper …. Oh, and beware!!” said the hare, “Little Sai Wan are running in the same area, so if you see their markings, which are white string, red string, flour, shredded paper and toilet paper …. DO NOT follow them!!” ….(??)

Would we get round before the rain came down …. would we get round at all?!

The Run Hebe

We started from Hebe Haven Pier, just as a group of dragon boaters were heading out onto the water, and ran across the pelican crossing, up through Pak Sha Wan Village to the first check. And so it was that probably half the hash got tangled up in LSW markings, and not seen again until later …. much later!!!

The rest of us got into the first bit of shiggy where Mango thought he was a Lead Pathfinder and was busy letting everybody know until he went wrong 10 metres later!!!

Gaele Says No shouted it on up the dry stream bed, through the first bit of tended land and  out onto Man Kung Wo Road. More confusion with markings all over the place …. Plod’s …. LSW’s …. dogs ….

Down the road we went. Through some more shiggy and the first farm/nursery towards Tai Chung Hau. All pretty straightforward markings besides the fact we didn’t know WHO’S markings they were!!

Turned right at the bottom, through some shiggy and Farmer Fu King’s wife tried to set up the first barricade and stop us from progressing. But it was not to be and while Liberace had a slanging match with her, the rest of us were on through, with Unark’s parting shot of something about asking her if she would get her breasts out….

Out of the shiggy, onto the road and into more confusion as to where trail went from there. As we milled around, near Dodgy Mr Chan’s, who owns the Fwairly Weeriable second hand car shop who also tried to block our way with a couple of scrap cars, Penile Dementia smashed his way through a couple of side window screens to find trail and call it on.

On we went through a nice bit of a concrete path and another nursery.

As we were getting to the other end of the nursery  we were confronted with Farmer Fu King himself barring our way. He had fixed a piece of fence across the trail. Moonie arrived first as Fu King turned on the Stalag 14 search lights into our faces and demanded that we “Get ‘orf his land!!!” An argument then ensued as to who’s land it actually was and we just clambered over and under the section of fencing.

Moonie wasn’t able to find trail and went out onto Hirams Highway and back to the bucket. Meanwhile, the rest of the half-pack went right, up through the ‘Filthy Rich Housing Estate’ and back to the pier.

The Pier 

GrogThe Police turned up after about 10 minutes, after responding to a call from some irate farmers that a load of gweilos were running round shouting for “HELP!!!”

Plod went over to fill them in …. on the details and came back saying they were looking a bit worse for wear. He offered them a beer but they wouldn’t because they thought they’d had enough!!!!

So Plod stayed over there swinging the proverbial lamp and telling them “That in my day, we wouldn’t be driving round in a van!!! We would be out on the beat arresting all manner of dodgy criminals, IIs and anybody who looked the least bit dodgy!!!” At this point the Police Sergeant got out the van and asked Plod for his ID card.

Geriatric and Velcro came back after getting lost and following LSW markings for a while.

Back came Oranguwank who had decided that enough was enough of following LSW markings and getting lost so he went home for a shower instead!!!

Back came Golden Balls and Golden Jelly, who had been to LSW’s circle at Hebe Haven Yacht Club. Which we all agreed was a seriously shitty fing to do.

The Circle started without the GM and Catch Of The Day who were lost somewhere and nobody cared as long as there was plenty of beer.

Past came the dragon boaters after their paddling training …. cue Golden Balls …. “We’re Dragon Boaters too…….although you wouldn’t know it to look at us!!!!” (speak for yourself, ‘BALLLLLLS’!!!)

Onto some fine down-downs, which I can’t remember, and just as we were getting to the end of the business the GM and Catch Of The Day turned up!!

Commence the circle, Part 2!!

Oooooooo me head!!!

ON-ON!!!  – Moonie

The pack: Moonie, Penile Dementia, Oranguwank, Mango Groove, Liberace, Unick, Golden Balls, Golden Jelly, Velcro Lips, Sulieman the Tree Fucker, Geriatric, Sticky Aphid Bottom Exudate, Serbian Bomber, Catch of the Day, Gaele Says No, random lost LSW types