Get Off My Land!
Hares Gunpowder Plod and Jam the Vag
The Brief “Police tape, checks, white string, red string, flour, shredded paper and toilet paper …. Oh, and beware!!” said the hare, “Little Sai Wan are running in the same area, so if you see their markings, which are white string, red string, flour, shredded paper and toilet paper …. DO NOT follow them!!” ….(??)
Would we get round before the rain came down …. would we get round at all?!
The Run 
We started from Hebe Haven Pier, just as a group of dragon boaters were heading out onto the water, and ran across the pelican crossing, up through Pak Sha Wan Village to the first check. And so it was that probably half the hash got tangled up in LSW markings, and not seen again until later …. much later!!!
The rest of us got into the first bit of shiggy where Mango thought he was a Lead Pathfinder and was busy letting everybody know until he went wrong 10 metres later!!!
Gaele Says No shouted it on up the dry stream bed, through the first bit of tended land and out onto Man Kung Wo Road. More confusion with markings all over the place …. Plod’s …. LSW’s …. dogs ….
Down the road we went. Through some more shiggy and the first farm/nursery towards Tai Chung Hau. All pretty straightforward markings besides the fact we didn’t know WHO’S markings they were!!
Turned right at the bottom, through some shiggy and Farmer Fu King’s wife tried to set up the first barricade and stop us from progressing. But it was not to be and while Liberace had a slanging match with her, the rest of us were on through, with Unark’s parting shot of something about asking her if she would get her breasts out….
Out of the shiggy, onto the road and into more confusion as to where trail went from there. As we milled around, near Dodgy Mr Chan’s, who owns the Fwairly Weeriable second hand car shop who also tried to block our way with a couple of scrap cars, Penile Dementia smashed his way through a couple of side window screens to find trail and call it on.
On we went through a nice bit of a concrete path and another nursery.
As we were getting to the other end of the nursery we were confronted with Farmer Fu King himself barring our way. He had fixed a piece of fence across the trail. Moonie arrived first as Fu King turned on the Stalag 14 search lights into our faces and demanded that we “Get ‘orf his land!!!” An argument then ensued as to who’s land it actually was and we just clambered over and under the section of fencing.
Moonie wasn’t able to find trail and went out onto Hirams Highway and back to the bucket. Meanwhile, the rest of the half-pack went right, up through the ‘Filthy Rich Housing Estate’ and back to the pier.
The Pier
The Police turned up after about 10 minutes, after responding to a call from some irate farmers that a load of gweilos were running round shouting for “HELP!!!”
Plod went over to fill them in …. on the details and came back saying they were looking a bit worse for wear. He offered them a beer but they wouldn’t because they thought they’d had enough!!!!
So Plod stayed over there swinging the proverbial lamp and telling them “That in my day, we wouldn’t be driving round in a van!!! We would be out on the beat arresting all manner of dodgy criminals, IIs and anybody who looked the least bit dodgy!!!” At this point the Police Sergeant got out the van and asked Plod for his ID card.
Geriatric and Velcro came back after getting lost and following LSW markings for a while.
Back came Oranguwank who had decided that enough was enough of following LSW markings and getting lost so he went home for a shower instead!!!
Back came Golden Balls and Golden Jelly, who had been to LSW’s circle at Hebe Haven Yacht Club. Which we all agreed was a seriously shitty fing to do.
The Circle started without the GM and Catch Of The Day who were lost somewhere and nobody cared as long as there was plenty of beer.
Past came the dragon boaters after their paddling training …. cue Golden Balls …. “We’re Dragon Boaters too…….although you wouldn’t know it to look at us!!!!” (speak for yourself, ‘BALLLLLLS’!!!)
Onto some fine down-downs, which I can’t remember, and just as we were getting to the end of the business the GM and Catch Of The Day turned up!!
Commence the circle, Part 2!!
Oooooooo me head!!!
ON-ON!!! – Moonie
Northern New Territories Hash 