Golden Plod: Are You a Sai Kunger?

Well it was Saturday 20 May, time for our long awaited first joint Saturday run with Sai Kung Saturday Hash House Harriers.  The pre-advertised meeting point had been moved, because of slightly deteriorating weather, to the small shelter near Ma On Shan Village. Not a bad location, plenty of room for parking, nice location for a circle and most importantly it allowed Monnie adequate privacy for his pre-run dump.  It was almost 3pm when this weeks scribe arrived with Liberace, but where were the SKSH3 lot. “Plod, where are your mates?” called the pack as we waited around mainly discussing photos of Moonie’s backside which have now gone viral.  “Oh look, here comes a Sai Kunger!” called Dingaling as a slim bloke walked towards us.  “Hello,  my name is Pacemaker,” said the fit looking hasher as he introduced himself. “Oh you must be a Sai Kunger?” queried Stunt Double, to which came the reply “No, just doing a visa run. Thought I should check out a few hashes.” Next from behind the mass of parked cars came another even younger geezer. “Hello I am Jim,” said the young man as he jovially introduced himself.  “Oh you must be a Sai Kunger?” queried Hoover, to which came the reply “no this is my first ever hash, never hashed before, but I like running.” So there we were a mass of hardcore N2TH3 hashers, two visitors, no Sai Kunger’s and Plod sat on his foldable chair, bottom lip beginning to protrude. But wait a minute, an automobile pulls up, out jumps a dog called Benji and a stalwart hash lady, Pissed in Pink, who is a well-known one hundred percent certified Sai Kunger.  Very quickly Plod’s eyes regained their sparkle, his bottom lip quickly retracted and up he jumped. “Time for instructions!” he shouted.

Give Plod his due credit, he went out the day before on a seven-hour recce (with Jam the Vag) and then took four hours setting trail.  In true Plod style, he used a combination of creative and sensible markings, in the event of a downpour, just so we won’t get lost. “Police tape, red string and closed arrowheads mean you are on correct trail. I have used shredded paper, there is a rambo / wimps split but rambos may take two hours,” instructed Plod. Loud shouts of “WTF, two hours are you nuts!” followed Plod’s instructions. Even Dram was taking no chances after his escapade on Wednesday night making sure he was armed with a Serbian Bomber style survival rucksack and for extra safety he made sure that his long-time friend, Geriatric, was going to stay with him.

So off we went, straight up the road, as if we were heading towards the old iron ore mines. Gaele Says No, Canton Clap, Catch of the Day, Liberace, Pissed in Pink and Moonie moved pretty sharpish as we approached the climb up Ma On Shan Country Trail. Two thirds of the way up, a check-back caused Pacemaker and Jim to run off trail for a while as the trail cleverly took us up into some shiggy to a four- way check that was eventually solved by Stunt Double and Dingaling, leading us rightwards. A slight downhill run followed before we headed back up Pyramid Hill, but not all the way to the top as the trail led nicely along the ridge. On a clear day we could have seen over Sai Kung, but the clouds were low, visibility down to less than 50 metres and we were getting wet, excellent conditions for hashing. An undulating but easy running trial eventually led to the Ngong Ping campsite, where Moonie, Gaele Says No and Pacemaker decided to investigate some strange movements coming from inside a red tent. Turns out it was two blokes playing hide the sausage…not good.

As the pack kept close together, we headed away from the campsite following a shiggy trail to Ngong Ping Chi Tong and the rambo / wimps split.  Pissed in Pink wanted to do the wimps, but didn’t want to be by herself so she stuck with the rambos. This proved to be a good call for Pissed in Pink as her dog, Benji was having a great time rolling around in the mud. Sensibly, Golden Jelly and Hoover took the wimps trail leading down some shiggy and back onto the on out trail for about a four kilometre run. The rest of the pack continued gamely on, mainly following red string and shredded paper, into some very swampy terrain. It was here that confusion reigned as most of the pack began following clear plastic tape. Only when Golden Balls arrived and together with Dingaling regained control, eventually finding trail veering rightwards before a long descent down. By now Mooinie and Gaele Says No had long gone and had solved every check first time, leaving the rest of the pack to look after each other. Some nice tricky downhill shiggy followed, much to the liking and amusement of Mango. A very well marked trail took us along the old boulder track towards Tai Shui Hang. By now Dingaling, Liberace and a few others were together as we found trail through the ruins at Chi Tong where an open check didn’t take long to solve as we guessed correctly that the trail was heading up through the bamboo laden hill near Shek Kung Tsai. A couple of checks later and we found ourselves running down from the saddle, past the large water tank, through Ma On Shan Village and on home. Having handled the run superbly, Pacemaker had a slip near the end, grazing his right arm and similarly Catch of the Day twisted her ankle on the return into Ma On Shan Village… some serious hoo doo going on there. Even Mango appeared moonstruck after the run, as he could not differentiate between Golden Balls and Gunpowder Plod, referring to them both as Golden Plod. First back were Moonie and Gaele Says No, who took just over an hour. The rest of the pack came in over the next 20 minutes, with the exception of Dram and Geriatric.

As we stood around drinking, a couple out hiking approached the group wanting to know where the old iron ore mines were. Dingaling quickly offered to help and with the assistance of Overdue decided to play tour guide… he really loves mines does our Dingaling. Plod wanted to get things going quickly so a circle was called. As the circle was in process, who should we see sprinting, round the corner of Ma on Shan Village? Yes, Dram. He decided that he didn’t want to be last back so raced Geriatric in.  Poor Geriatric, he looked like his eyes were popping out of his head when he got back. Turns out that the hare, Plod, had given Dram some instructions where to go and where to shortcut, but Dram misunderstood the instructions and instead of Pyramid Hill, headed for Needle Hill, miles and miles away, taking Geriatric with him. After giving Dram and Geriatric their respective punishments for attempting to shortcut, the circle continued until closure and home time. Must say, this was nothing short of an excellent run, great trail and very good markings. Definitely a gold star for Mr Plod or should it be Golden Plod? – Mango Groove

Hare & SP: Gunpowder Plod & Jam The Vag

Runners: Golden Jelly, Hoover, Dram, Geriatric, Moonie, Gaele Says No, Pacemaker, Jim, Liberace, Dingaling, Stunt Double, Canton Clap, Catch Of The Day, Pissed In Pink, Golden Balls

 

Help Ma Bob!

A new starting place – the waterfront park at Tai Shui Hang – and a new runner, Paul, who like Golden Balls used to be blindingly fast and is now just an old crock. A hare who had marked the trail the previous day and was scornfully contemptuous of the “no markings” bleatings from the pack. A trail that started off like a train wreck and turned into a shinkansen. Yes, it was another night on the Northern New Territories Hash.

Hare Velcro Lips delivered a briefing and indicated we should head north in the general direction of Mui Tsz Lam. This suited Paul, a Tai Shui Hang resident, who as we trooped off declared there were basically only two ways to go. How little he knows! How much he has to learn of the craft of hashing!

The first check was quickly reached near a crossroads and the pack duly split up to investigate the several options, and found… nothing. We milled and probed for a good 10 minutes until Gaele Says No, heading back towards the start from the check, found trail over a railing leading down a rough track to a stream. Paul was suitably impressed. “I’ve lived all these years and never knew this path was here.” Just wait until later, pal.

Another mystifying check was eventually solved by GB cutting through grass towards the Tai Shui Hang high-rises. At this point latecomers Mango Groove and Eunuch joined us, having been fed intelligence by the hare.

Into the high-rises and the village area. Sporadic, seemingly random arrows would appear. “Trail!” and off we funnelled. At this point, Paul peeled off, distinctly unimpressed with his first hashing experience. Or perhaps it was because he lives nearby and dinner was on table and he’d told his wife he wouldn’t be more than an hour… “As soon as I left you I saw several arrows that I followed on my way home but then they disappeared again…better luck next time?”

Another hard check, eventually solved by Catch Of The Day, leading to a bridge with yet another unsolvable check, or at least it was to me as I checked north towards the sea for a long way. When I got back to the check everybody had disappeared and there were so many options – and I couldn’t find trail anywhere.

After about 10 minutes I gave up and was heading back towards the start when I came across arrows heading home. Yes! I followed these backwards up a dark barricaded road heading uphill to a service reservoir, eventually reaching the rambo/wimp split. Now I was the FRB, but the real front-runners were already coming down from the direction of the service reservoir. They had found trail out of the village and uphill through low scrub, then down to the service reservoir. Inexplicably Plod was in the lead. How?

I took the rambo option and found myself on a well marked contoury-undulatory track looking down on Ma On Shan Town. After a while there was a check at a junction, with the option of going steeply uphill or steeply downhill. Being first to get there I was obliged to check in one of these directions. I chose the steeply downhill, consigning the fast-closing Gaele Says No to the uphill option. Then I found trail. Yes! I waited another 10 seconds before calling just to make GSN climb a bit more. “Trail!!!”

Wasn’t long before GSN and then Eunuch came past me like a freight train, and the three of us emerged more or less together on a quiet back road where there was a check. As I gamely waited at the check to mark it for the others, GSN and Eunuch went charging off left, the intuitive direction to the finish. Then came charging back. “T!” At this point Plod emerged and headed left, ignoring our warnings, and ran straight through the T, which was positioned under a street light. “I didn’t see it,” he protested later. A classic case of selective vision.

We checked right – nothing. Up the embankment on to the highway – nothing. Left again – T. By this time, Catch Of The Day, Dingaling and Mango Groove had joined the throng checking every likely and unlikely which-way, until we heard a distant strangulated call from Eunuch, 700 metres to the right. “Trail!!!” From there it was over the pedestrian flyover into Ma On Shan, through a park, under a subway and – after a final spiteful bit of disappearing trail – a one-kilometre jog home along the waterfront.

Back at the toilet block we call home we got stuck in to bottles of “craft” beer (still drinking the leftovers from the 1800th run!). Velcro was concerned about Dram, who nobody had seen at all after the village. Eventually he hobbled in from the south, looking much the worse for wear, and declaiming “I’ve got to stop doing this!” We waited for the pronouncement that from where he stands he shall hash no more forever. “I’ve got to stop using my initiative!” At the top of the first hill, where trail went left down to the reservoir, he had spied a likely-looking short cut to the right that looked like it would head straight back to the finish. “It got steeper and steeper and then I was in this river bed clambering boulders for ages. Then I came up out of the ravine to a gate and fence 3 metres high. Well, the only way round was to clamber over these rocks above a cliff and… ooh! Help ma bob!”

Next to the bucket there was one of those hateful pebbly walkways, which we proceeded to try out. Bukkake and me strolled it, whistling tunelessly, face screwed into a rictus of agony, but Liberace and Dram’s antics were hilarious as they minced strangely around the circuit. Plod tried to go on in his shoes, to universal condemnation. “It’s like walking on tatami in shoes, totally disrespectful!” Then the Japanese Catch Of The Day walked on it in her shoes. Later she was most put out when Mango mistook some fat bird stretching on the exercise frames for her, especially as she’s paid $35,000 for a personal trainer and hasn’t lost an ounce. Eunuch led an irreverent circle about which the only thing I can remember is laughing till my sides hurt, and then we went home. A great night’s hashing. – Golden Balls

Hare & SP: Velcro Lips and Kay

Runners: Liberace, Eunuch, Mango Groove, Dram, Geriatric, Penile Dementia, Catch Of The Day, Bukkake, Gaele Says No, Golden Balls, Gunpowder Plod, One Eyed Jack, Dingaling, Paul