Jumping the Shark – a Pre-Lube
Monday 19 June…Liberace and Mango Groove meet on a lesser gay hash. “Mango, you medium sized penis person, will you run on Wednesday?” asks Liberace.
“Yup, sure will Liberace, you sexy beast,” replies Mango.
Liberace scratches his head and sighs deeply. “It is in Tin Shui Wai. That fucking guy Eunuch has picked the furthest place possible. The weather looks terrible and we have no clear instructions.”
“Don’t worry my friend. I know Eunuch. He will get it sorted. I am certain there are going to be tons of people there. The last time Eunuch set a run, from the Cow Patch, we had loads of runners. Even some young things showed up, exchange students I believe,” replies Mango, full of confidence.
“Well Mango, I can give you a lift on Wednesday but I may be a little late. Do you think you can buy the beer and I’ll pick you up outside Park n Shop in Fanling?” asks Liberace.
“No Problem. Leave it with me,” replies Mango.
Fast forward to Wednesday 21 June, 6.15pm in Park n Shop. “Right, that should be plenty. Seventy-two cans of beer, loads of soft drinks and plenty of potato chips,” says Mango proudly to himself as he piles all the goodies into a trolley and heads for the loading bay to meet Liberace.
“Mango, that seems like a lot of beer,” says Liberace as he helps Mango load the beer into the back of his van.
The drive out to Tin Shui Wai is a long one. As Liberace drives into the south Tin Shui Wai area he asks, “Mango do you have a location of where the start is?”
“No, problem. Eunuch sent one out this morning. I shall just call it up on my phone,” answers Mango as he attempts to show Liberace the attachment.
“Oh no! That fucking guy Eunuch didn’t send a proper map like everyone else. He sent us a satellite image of what looks like the top of a train,” moans Liberace as he pulls his van to a halt.
A short while later, after getting his bearings sorted, Liberace has worked out exactly where to go, and as he heads along a side road adjacent to the start a frantic call is received from the hare. “Are you coming tonight? I am here at the start ready to let the runners loose. I can’t hold them up much longer. They are super enthusiastic to get going,” explains Eunuch.
Within a few minutes Liberace and Mango are running across the road carrying as much beer as they can. As they sight the playground only Dingaling and the hare, Eunuch, can be seen. “Oh you bugger, Eunuch. You started the pack off without us, now I have no chance of winning the hash tonight!” blubbers Mango as Liberace carefully places the beer into the eskies.
“Well actually, they haven’t started. This is it,” says Eunuch.
Liberace chuckles as he fondly recalls. “This is the same number of people that showed up for my run at Ma On Shan, many years ago. Just Eunuch, Antiseptic and Mango.”
Dingaling, who had been waiting a while wanted to get going, urges. “Come on Eunuch, tell us about the run, before the next rain band comes through.”
Eunuch begins to speak. “Well I had the most amazing run, ever. It was totally brilliant, hills, rivers, forests and a few temples but the rain came down and washed it all away. So, I was forced to set only a short trail, sorry chaps.”
So off the pack heads. At the first check, Liberace goes straight over the road, closely followed by Mango. Dingaling finds the correct trail, leftwards, heading into a small village full of lorry parks. The next check has the pack running in every direction possible as it appears that some of the markings were washed away with the recent rain shower. Eventually the three runners decide to head straight through, passing a building site where flour is again spotted. It looks like a short loop has been missed so they follow trail backwards before heading up onto and over a small hillside. What follows is some nice running with a few checks that are solved quickly by Liberace. Eunuch has cleverly placed a check back near the end of the ridge with correct trail heading down a slippery slope and into a very pretty tree-lined section. Another check back follows with trail leading out and onto the main road. A flat two kilometre run ensues before the runners arrive back at the start. According to Dingaling the run is 4.5 kilometres and 35 minutes, not bad given the terrible weather conditions.
Back at the buckets, Eunuch tries desperately to explain what his “real run” would have been like. As he finishes, Mango looks at him and smiles. “Not to worry. You now have a run sorted for your scheduled Saturday run, in December,” he says.
“I hate the Saturday run. No, I mean, the Jumping the Shark run. Ever since that episode in Happy Days when Arthur Fonzarelli water-ski-jumped over some small fish in a pond, he became the main character. He was no longer the walk-on star who we all loved. It was the end of Happy Days and this Saturday run thing will be the end of us, it really will.” blubbers Eunuch.
“Stop being a poof, Eunuch. Sounds like you had a good run, all you need is an on-on and your quids in,” replies Mango as he heads for the immensely overstocked bucket. There is a lot of ice-cold beer but who is going to drink it? Dingaling, Liberace and Eunuch are all driving and Mango doesn’t drink much…oops, someone messed up with the beer calculation this evening.
Talk at the bucket centres around the impending closure of Carnegie’s, another institution soon to be lost. A circle (well, more of a triangle) soon follows, led by Eunuch but eventually becoming a free for all. Once we have all had our fill, the remaining beer is stocked into Eunuch’s vehicle and off home we head. Good effort Eunuch…we all love you really and we all look forward to your “Jumping the Shark Run.” – Mango Groove
Runners: Dingaling, Liberace, Mango Groove