Collaboration

As there were so many routes on Electrolux’s trail from the Kau Lung Hang railway bridge pagoda, This week’s report is a collaborative effort.

Mango Groove: “It is a very easy run, I took 45 minutes to run it.  Remember the number C8034 if you want to get home.” said the hare, Electrolux, just before the off.  Foolishly thinking that this was going to be a piece of cake the pack sprinted off, with co-hare Beer Tits leading the way.  A short while later Beer Tits was on the phone asking Electrolux where trail was. It was at this point that we all decided to split up, searching frantically for trail in Kau Lung Hang, checking in all directions, running around like sweaty fools on a cool April evening.

Soon enough Liberace disappeared, nobody could work out where he went as his shouts of “Twail!!” could not be heard.  Eunuch messed around, always returning to where he had started whereas the GM, Radio One and Mango started checking out some shiggy zones. Then out of the darkness Dingaling arrived. ”I can tell you where the rambo / wimp split is if you like, I walked over it on my way to the run.” Not wanting to shortcut but really wanting to shortcut, a few of the group took Dingaling’s advice and headed straight down the path almost to the last bridge to find the split.

At this point Liberace had turned back leaving Golden Jelly and Back To The Future to find trail themselves. The wimps appeared to take us over the bridge whereas the rambo trail kept us going straight. A few minutes later Golden Balls, Eunuch, Crème Brule, G-Spot, One Eyed Jack and Mango managed to find trail leading around the Hong Lok Yuen layby before going into the main estate. We were to find out later that we had missed a checkback and were supposed to have headed towards Tai Po Tau.  So now we were doing the on back in reverse…….

Radio 1: I started running and ran in every direction through the village but couldn’t find trail. I saw Liberace give up and go back to the start. I saw Dingaling who told me where the rambo/wimp split is. On the way I met Golden Jelly. She said “Do you want to visit a new farm in Tai Hang?” So we walked to the farm and then walked back to the start. I did 6km.

Golden Balls: I arrived late and was told by the hare it was a short run, rambos 45 minutes, wimps 30 minutes, and she suggested I go straight along the road by the railway to the last bridge where I’d come to the rambo/wimp split. While I was getting changed, a minibus driver got out of his van and implored Electrolux to move her car, which was obstructing his three-point turn. Electrolux has clearly inherited BJ’s schadenfreudal streak as she commented, “If he’s a good enough driver he can get past…”

So I set off down the road, passing Luk Sup Gow, Beer Tits and Phil and then a couple of ladies who looked like Velcro Lips and Golden Jelly from behind but weren’t and were bewildered by my yelling on on as I passed them. As I got to the split, at the southernmost railway bridge, I saw Dram, BackTo The Future, One Eyed Jack and G Spot ahead of me on the bridge. I followed OEJ and G Spot as they were on arrows towards the old Hong Lok Yuen meeting place, while Dram inexplicably led Back To The Future along the cycle track. It turned out that was the correct trail, so what were these arrows?

Near the Hong Lok Yuen meeting point, on a sawn-off tree trunk, was a check. G Spot took the track up into the forest, OEJ headed for Hong Lok Yuen and I went to the subway under the roundabout. Nothing. By the time I got back to the check Mango Groove, Creme Brulee and Eunuch had arrived and were all following OEJ’s call of trail into the estate. I tried to use the code to enter but it didn’t work so I dis some nifty dodging around the barrier and joined the other five.

Eunuch: My grim tale begins at the mosquito-infested old N2th3 gathering place just outside Hong Lok Yuen, where a confused G-spot was stood claiming to be checking things out, but in reality he was trying to hide a puddle of stinking piss which he had just done.

Towards the direction of Hong Lok Yuen, a surly sounding “on on” confirmed that One Eyed Jack had found trail, and after catching up with him, Mango took the initiative to mince around the high security fences into what was believed to be forbidden suburbanite territory.Insisting he was best at finding trail, Mango then led the pack in completely the wrong direction, thus leaving us lost in a never-ending sprawl of streets littered with Filipino maids busy scraping up the recently ejected shit from their employers’ dog’s arses.

Utilizing a cheeky looking back passage, none other than Eunuch himself (that’s me), guided the pack back on flour, only to discover an arrow showing we were going in the wrong direction. At this point, the choice of continuing backwards along trail or following trail forwards needed to be made. For Eunuch and G-Spot it was simple, we’d picked up on the wrong trail at the check at Hong Lok Yuen and followed it backwards, but for One Eyed Jack, Mango Groove, Creme Brulee and Golden Balls it was an ideal opportunity to about-face and return home like little bitches.

So, not really much to say from this point onward, G Spot and myself went up through the gate (with the C8034 code), climbed up Cloudy Hill to a check, headed down to Tai Po, then followed the cycle path all the way back to the Hong Lok Yuen junction, confirming a pan handle loop. The problem was that the closest marking to the check at the start of this tale was in the wrong direction around the loop, however since she’s a chick we shouldn’t blame the hare, so let’s blame One Eye’d Jack for finding the wrong trail, phew, wot a looney.

Golden Balls: The Intrepid Six plodded on through the ghastly suburban torment of Hong Lok Yuen, clearly off trail but all following Mango like rent boys.”Why are we going this way when there’s no trail?” I asked plaintively. No response but a grim setting of jaws as we pushed on, and on, and up, and up, heading for the security gate to Cloudy Hill and the Wilson Trail. At last, near the gate, we saw flour. “Trail!” Then we saw an arrow pointing in the direction we’d just come. “You’re going the wrong way!” we called to Eunuch and G Spot, who had the bit between their teeth and visions of Cloudy Hill in their eyes. They heard us and chose not to listen.

Thus did the Inept Six fracture into the Cack-handed Two and the Ham-fisted Four. As the Four finally approached the barrier gate and the end of the baleful Hong Lok Yuen section, a young couple punched the security code into the steps down towards the country club and Creme Brulee, One Eyed Jack slipped through. How we cackled as the gate closed before Mango could get through. He stood there sobbing like a girl so I went back up the steps to try and open the gate while the GM and OEJ, sensing their opportunity to make a break, sprinted off down the alley beside the supermarket. By the time I failed to open the gate and got back down the steps a convoy of vehicles from the country club blocked my passage and I stood there while Mango sprinted down the road above to cover the break. Alas, I was isolated! But not all was lost as I used my secret tunnel under the railway to get back in front of the sneaky One Eyed Jack on the run home.

As we waited for Eunuch and G Spot (who must have taken at least an hour and a half for this “short” run), Electrolux drove off with Overdue and Antiseptic and came back with excellent curries, rice and salad. Good effort, hare!

G Spot: I smell a rat. We all know what the French did to collaborators!

Hares: Electrolux, Beer Tits

Runners: Eunuch, G Spot, Creme Brulee, One Eyed Jack, Mango Groove, Golden Balls, Radio 1, Liberace, Dingaling, Velcro Lips, Golden Jelly, Dram, Back To The Future, Luk Sup Gow, Phil, Antiseptic

Non-runners: T-Bird, Overdue