The French eh?
What a bunch of nutters, with their strange metric ways and fluorescent-jacket-wearing street winos – it’s no wonder that their president is a small boy who had his genitals raped off by a Jesuit school teacher.
The Markings: Overcomplicated of course. The usual CB, T, on on and trail, but….
R1 – rambos trail No.1
W1 – wimps trail No.1
R2 – rambos trail No.2
W2 – wimps trail No.2
W2 / R2 /R2P2 – bit where the 2nd rambo trail crosses the 2nd wimp trail – at this point, the 2nd rambo trail is then called ‘2nd rambo’s part 2’ (R2P2 – which I think was the name of a gay secondary droid character from Star wars). Why he didn’t simply use R3 instead remains a mystery.
Smiley face – we didn’t quite get to the bottom of that marking – something about croissants no doubt.
The Run Explanation (please don a French accent when reading this):
“There are 2 rambos and 2 wimps, the first rambo you’ll need nice legs, and the second Rambo is lots of uphill, so you’ll need nice legs for that too… It’s only 5k for the wimps and 6k for the rambos – but only do the rambos if you have nice legs.”
Now I’m not a great fan of documenting the intricacies of runs, as a typical narrative descends into “and then….and then”, but this run was something else.
The first rambo / wimp split was quite literally at the start of the run. wimps going up the path towards the mountains and the rambos leading up some steep retaining wall service steps towards a tramp’s house, where we found the words “Rambo’s Go Wimps” inscribed on a drain outside.
Therefore after this brief futile jaunt up a slope, the rambo runners had to go back past the silhouette figure of crème Brule – his smile nestling comfortably within his beard revealed that this was a hare who plainly enjoys dishing out torture.
The next rambo / wimp split was not too far up the mountain – wimps taking the main path and the rambos up an overgrown rocky path which actually turned out to be a good bit of trail – this all melted into shit after the R2P2 split, as the trail became more vertical, ending up at a buzzing pylon where Liberace and myself got hopelessly lost like twats for a full 10 minutes.
Saving the day as usual was Penile Dementia who immediately found the correct trail back down the hill making the two of us look like bloody idiots. Charging our way down, the three of us came to a check – all three of us checking in different directions. Both Libs and PD returned after 20 seconds claiming no trail and despite protests from myself, they decided to take the trail that I was checking. Ten minutes later the three of us were still checking for trail and after some sharp thinking, we decided to descend the mountain by following a mountain stream, eventually discovering trail crossing it.
“I am sure the trail is going this way” Said Libs pointing his torch at the other side of the river.
We ran that way for 10 minutes until we saw an arrow pointing against us. We’d come so far off trail that we’d long cutted a huge circle back to the W2 / R2P2 split. Proven as bleeding idiots, we limped back home along the wimps, passing a crippled Catch Of The Day, a French madman in a car attempting to save said cripple, wife of French madman, a grinning Bunter, and a bucket full of shortcutters.
Circle was full of cheese sausage, and mold wine – we all got drunk and rowdy – the most wonderful time of the year.
Merry Christmas bitches – Eunuch
Hare Creme Brulee
Runners Eunuch, Liberace, Penile Dementia, Catch Of The Day, Bunter, more…