Run 1939, 28 September, Tung Lo Wan Hill — The Saturday Run No. 24

Secret Garden


The Weather
Hot, sunny and dry.
The Place
Tung Lo Wan Hill Garden, Tung Lo Wan Hill Road, Tai Wai
Getting There
Parking on meters opposite presented no problem as there were plenty of spaces and no PoPo appeared as they were busy in Hong Kong Island. However, our visitor Crazy German, walking from Tai Wai MTR, had to get directions from five locals, the last of whom, standing outside the gates to the garden, insisted that “there no garden here”.
The Briefing
The Hare, covered in flour and sweat, chalked up the markings in flour and chalk and told us there were both rambo and wimp runs but that the wimps was “short and boring”, prompting BJ, pointing at Stunt Double, to quip “Like him!”. (I heard later that Stunty tried to shunt BJ over a cliff on the run but was squewered by one of BJ’s poles for his efforts.)
The Run
Started at 1610hrs and I was behind at the first check, suspecting a trick. I was also behind at the second check and checked downhill the wrong way so I was on my own again at the back for most of the run but thankful that the front runners were marking checks.
After ascending many steps, we emerged in the tranquil grounds and buildings of the To Fung Shan christian retreat wheere an ecstatic Eunuch apparently went into paroxysms of giddy bliss when he realised that they were not Buddhist.
At the split on the steps beyond, bearing in mind the briefing, I chose the rambos, following the sound of giggling kids – Eunuch, Piss-in-Bucket and Ruth – below me. Down, down and down interminable steps went the trail beside a river in a ravine . Then finally over a bridge and up, up and up more interminable steps and slopes on the other side, passing temples and cottages and curious villagers.
Then it appeared that the pack had been flummoxed by a check-back for a while before discovering a little shiggy path off to the left wherein were crossed-out gay-hash markings (Royal South Side) that could have been there for a year or more as they were scrawled on a vertical rain-sheltered surface and it became clear that nobody had used this track for ages.
At least it was cool initially in the woods and I foolishly thought that the path would rejoin the concrete path further up. But no. Up and up and up it went, hottter and hotter and more airless it got and the hilltop ahead further and further away in the stifling shiggy. Finally I heard the squeaking of small voices ahead of me again and found Eunuch, Auntie Septic, Piss-in-Bucket and Ruth cavorting semi-naked in a pool. I was invited in but declined thinking that if I plunged in I might never get out again.
So I plodded on for the final 200 metres and emerged at a check marked left on a concrete path. This afforded splendid views down the valley to Shatin with temples in the forground.
I was finally able to break into a shuffle again and camed to another check with the trail leading down a shiggy path to the right which I handled quite well using my stick and bamboo for support. Here I was overtaken by a late-coming Mhd G-Spot and later by the Eunuch family.
Finally we hit a road past luxury houses and later a path which became so steep that I had to resort to walking backwards to save my knees. Thus it was that I returned in 1 hour 40 minutes, holding my red lantern and thinking that the briefing was somewhat inexplicit as to the true nature of the rambos…
The Circle
As not a single member of the N2TH3 mismanagement was present (other then webshite Golden Balls), the circle was ably and hilariously run by Liberace, who brought mismanagement lookalikes out one by one to punish. There were many other good down-downs awarded ……. but Mhd G-Spot called me in for “going backwards on trail” and renamed me “The Occidental Prune” – bloody cheek!
The On On
Most of the pack repaired by car to Fo Tan for Tsing Tao and dead pigeon etc… —Gunpowder Plod
Hare Golden Balls
Runners Golden Jelly, Eunuch, Auntie Septic, Piss-in-Bucket, Ruth, Hoover, Stunt Double, BJ, Liberace, G-Spot, Gunpowder Plod, Walky Talky, Kannot Finnish, Crazy German

Run 1938,25 September, Shek Mun

Pony and Crap

My Little Pony

Did my usual trick of arriving just as the runners set off, only it should have been so much better. Left work early, got a tunnel bus and found myself at Hung Hom in plenty of time to catch the East Rail to Tai Wai and then the Ma On Shan line to Shek Mun. I’d even have enough time to change before we started. And it only got better – I managed to grab a seat for the East Rail sector.

So I joined the devolving human race in a hunched, myopic micro-examination of the delights of my mobile phone, emerging from that semi-comatose state as we pulled into the third station, Tai Wai. Why does it say Nam Cheong? Doh!

Anyway, the hare Stingray gave me a short cut that he said would get me “back in the game”, and indeed it did. After a jaunt along the Shing Mun nullah, trail started heading south toward the Lion Rock hills. In a little park where the parkie had tried his best to obliterate trail they caught me up. The “twail” of front-runner Liberace, with Eunuch bambiing along behind him, then Jason, and then some tall bloke who I later found out was visitor Crazy German. Mango Groove, Creme Brulee and Serbian Bomber followed on. Geriatric and Gunpowder Plod were also out on trail somewhere.

Stingray does love his closed checks and Ts, doesn’t he? And they kept the pack together pretty well. At a highway crossing I had the man go red on me and lost the pack, then lost the trail, so I intuited my way back to the park in Shek Mun that we’d started from, with Liberace charging past me on the on home. I finished with Eunuch. Geriatric, Plod and Crazy German were already there. Much later, Jason, Mango Groove and Creme Brulee trooped in, and then, much later, Serbian Bomber parping about his 11km run. Why was there such a gap?

Turned out that Liberace, first to the R/W split with Eunuch, had simply done his own trail because “that’s where we always go”. Even though there were no marks. Eunuch followed blindly. The actual rambo route went up to Tate’s Cairn Tunnel then along some apparently delightful trails on the mountainside before dropping back to Sha Tin. It’s been said before: never, EVER follow Liberace!

Back at the park, Back To The Future turned up having been unable to find the start, then Radio 1, to untooth accusations of us being a gay hash. With the top executives absent (Catch Of The Day on PR duty at the Rugby World Cup, One Eyed Jack on sick leave) Geriatric took the circle, assisted by Eunuch, whose suggestion that Jason be named Show Jumper (for his exhibitionist fence vaulting on the run) was rapidly corrupted by the circle to My Little Pony. Welcome, My Little Pony!

We weren’t finished, as Serbian Bomber took the reins and in inimitable fashion renamed Liberace Mango Groove and Mango Groove Liberace, then proceeded to award each a dozen down-downs. Could confuse a stupid person. For one night only. —Golden Balls

Hare Stingray

Runners Gunpowder Plod, Geriatric, Crazy German, Liberace, Eunuch, Golden Balls, My Little Pony, Mango Groove, Creme Brulee, Serbian Bomber

Non-runners Back To The Future, Radio 1